Take Me Home
by AndAllThatMishigas
Summary: An alternative saga of Jennifer Mapplethorpe and Nick Buchanan, how they met and fell in love, how they fell apart and fell back together.
1. Chapter 1

**Take Me Home**

"This is a new start for us, Jenny," Marlene Mapplethorpe said. "I promise it'll be alright."

Jennifer looked up at her mother, suspicion in her big turquoise eyes. "That's what you said about that last place."

Marlene smoothed back her daughter's golden blonde hair as they watched the moving men carry boxes and furniture into the small suburban house. "The last place was just temporary, a place for us to stay while I found somewhere permanent."

"And this is permanent?"

"Yes, Jenny. This is our forever house now. Just you and me."

Jennifer sighed, resting her head on her mother's arm. "Dad's really not coming back, right?"

"No, sweets, he's not." Marlene gave Jennifer a small hug. "Let's go inside, eh? You can pick out your bedroom and start putting your things away.

An excited smile, showing off two missing teeth, spread on Jennifer's face. "And I can paint it green?"

"Yes, you go pick your bedroom and later this week we can go to the shop after school and find the perfect green paint for you," Marlene promised.

Next door, Nick Buchanan was looking out the window atthe lady and little girl staring at the old Ferguson house. Rumor had it that Mrs. Ferguson died there a couple months ago and that's why no one had bought it. But it looked like there was someone Nick's age moving in, and he was excited to meet her. Maybe he could finally have someone who wasn't scared to come into his treehouse. Dad said Tara and Jill were too little, but they weren't interested anyway.

"Nicky, come away from the window, it's not polite to gawk," his mother scolded.

"They can't see me," he insisted. "And they went inside anyway. Can we go say hi later?"

"Yes, tonight after dinner, I thought we could bring them some lamingtons. Do you want to help me bake?"

Nick jumped off the back of the sofa where he'd been perched and ran into the kitchen with his mother.

That night, Jennifer sat on the floor and ate pizza for dinner with a smiling face. It was the first meal in their new house. After a year of turmoil with Dad leaving when Mum finally threw him out for hitting her one too many times followed by going from motels and cheap, rundowns flat to those two nights they spent in the car, they finally had a house. It wasn't very big, just the kitchen and living room and toilet downstairs and the two bedrooms and one bathroom upstairs, but Jennifer loved it. Her room looked out over the backyard where she couldn't wait to play football. They didn't have all their furniture yet, so they were eating on the floor for a day or so, but it was fun, almost like camping. And Mum was happy for the first time in a very long time. Everything was going to be okay now.

The doorbell rang and Jennifer spilled her fizzy drink in surprise. "Shh, it's fine, Jenny," her mother assured her, handing her some napkins to wipe up the mess.

Marlene answered the door tentatively, praying her ex-husband hadn't come knocking. But no, it was a woman about Marlene's own age and a young boy with a mop of sandy brown hair.

"Hi, so sorry to disturb, I'm Nancy Buchanan and this is my son, Nick. We live next door. Just wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood." Nancy held out a container filled with cakes.

"We made you lamingtons," Nick said, smiling charmingly.

Upon hearing the voice of a child, Jennifer got up to greet their guests. "Hi, I'm Jennifer."

Marlene took the cakes with a smile. "Thank you so much! I'm Marlene Mapplethorpe, Jenny's mum. Is it just you two next door?"

"No, I've got my husband, Richard, and our twin daughters, Jill and Tara. They're four and Nick just turned seven. And how old are you, Jennifer?" Nancy asked brightly.

"I'm six. Nick, is that your treehouse? I can see it from the window in my room. I'm going to paint it green!" Jennifer exclaimed excitedly.

"The window?" Nick asked, his hazel green eyes crinkling as he teased her.

"No, my room," she corrected.

Nick smiled. "Green's my favorite color too. And yeah, that's my treehouse. Do you want to come see it?"

Jennifer looked up at Marlene. "Mum, can I?"

"If it's alright with Mrs. Buchanan," Marlene advised.

Nancy waved her off. "Oh you're welcome any time. Nicky, show her the gate so you don't have to worry about going through the house every time you want to come play. I'm sure Nick will love having someone to share his treehouse with."

Nick grabbed Jennifer's hand and pulled her with him, leaving their mothers to laugh and shake their heads at their youthful exuberance. The two children ran between the two houses to a gate in the fence. "This is always open," Nick explained. "Dad says the neighborhood is really safe and our yard is big enough for everyone to play."

"I can see your yard from my window, too. It's bigger than ours. And you've got the treehouse," Jennifer replied.

"Well since you live next door, you can come over and play in our yard."

Jennifer smiled as they made their way over to the enormous tree and the rope ladder coming down. She looked up and saw it was much higher than it had seemed from her bedroom window.

"Are you scared of heights?" Nick asked.

"I'm not scared of anything!" she proclaimed.

He laughed. "Cool. Follow me."

Jennifer followed Nick up the ladder. She was glad he went first, since it was quite dark and when he got up, he turned on a battery lantern so she could see where she was going. She blinked to adjust to the brightness. And then she gasped. "Nick, this is the best thing I've ever seen!" she gushed.

All around her were sport things and piles of books and toys and movie posters taped on the walls. It was like a kid's paradise. Nick watched her admire all his treasures with a look of awe on her face. "You can come up here whenever you want. I do my homework up here after school sometimes and you can too, if you want."

"But it's your treehouse," she protested.

Nick shrugged. "It's not as fun by myself."

"Don't you have anyone else come up here?"

"My sisters are too little and they're scared. And my friends from school all live too far away to come 'round all the time. There aren't any other kids on this street," he complained.

"I'm here now!"

"Yeah," he said with a grin. "Are you going to the primary when term starts next week?"

Jennifer nodded. "I'm in Grade One."

"I'm in Grade Two. But we can still be mates," Nick assured her.

"Okay, mates," she agreed. Jennifer held out her hand. "We should shake on it."

Nick took her hand and gave it a tight squeeze and a solid, single shake. "Mates."


	2. Chapter 2

The years seemed to fly by. After a while, Jennifer stopped waiting for the other shoe to drop. Dad never did come back around, which was just fine with her. The walls of her bedroom she'd begged her mum to paint green were now barely visible behind bookshelves and posters of footballers. The two things she loved most in the world, reading and sport, filled her life. Every day after school, even when the weather was bad, she'd go through the gate to the Buchanans' backyard and do her homework in the treehouse, chatting with Nick while they worked and racing to finish so they could go down and play.

Nick had never had so much fun in all his life. He was ten years old now, and even though his best friend was only nine—and a girl—he was overjoyed. Tara and Jill were in school now, too, but they were more interested in gossiping and playing with dolls than the books Jennifer recommended they read or joining in their football games. Sometimes Jennifer insisted they help the twins with their homework, which Nick had no interest in, but it always ended up being sort of nice. He and Jennifer made jokes and laughed together, and she was just so much fun with everything.

One afternoon, they were up in the treehouse like always, and Nick was nearly ready to chuck his maths book out the window. "Hey Jen, have you learned long division yet?" he asked in exasperation.

She looked up and stared at him with a curious expression.

"What?"

"You called me Jen."

"Sorry. Jennifer. I know you don't like when I call you Jenny anymore."

She scrunched up her face. "Jenny just makes me sound like a baby."

"I'll just call you Jennifer, then."

"No…Jen is sort of nice." She smiled, enjoying this new nickname. Especially if it came from Nick. "And yeah, I know long division. What do you need help on?"

Nick brightened and scooted over beside her to show the equation he was working on and explaining his difficulty. That was the thing with Jennifer—Jen—she was a whole year behind him in school but she was always happy to try and help him when he needed it. She was so smart, probably the smartest in her class. Nick did really well in school, too, but he always seemed to have to work a bit harder than Jen did. And when he needed her help, she never made him feel dumb. Whenever either one of them had any sort of problem, they tackled it together. After all, they were best mates.

Jen was able to show Nick the trick she used for long division, and they were both done with their homework very soon after that. "Fancy a game of footie before dinner?" she offered, grabbing the ball that lived in the treehouse.

"Yeah, let's. Jimmy Carmichael was making fun of me today that I practice with a girl, but he doesn't know how good you are," Nick told her with a grin.

She scoffed, "Jimmy Carmichael is a big bully. And you might be bigger than me and play for the school team, but I am better than you. Tell Jimmy Carmichael that."

"You are not better than me! Come on, first one to five goals is winner, and I bet you can't beat me," he challenged.

Jen's little face was set with determination. "You're on."

The game today was much more competitive than usual. Jennifer didn't much like being told that she wasn't the best at anything she did, and Nick usually wasn't so smug. The idea that Nick wanted to prove to some dumb boys at school that he was a better football player than her seemed so stupid. And Jennifer refused to back down. They ran and kicked the ball with more gusto than was customary for these backyard games.

By the time Jen scored her fifth goal to Nick's third, they were both covered in dirt and grass stains and sweat. "Hah! I win!" she announced triumphantly.

"Come here!" he shouted angrily, threatening, "I'm gonna beat you up for that!"

Jennifer felt her heart thunder in her chest and not because of the exertion from the game. She walked right up to Nick, curled her tiny hand into a tight fist and punched him right in the nose.

Nick screamed and grabbed his face, blood pouring from behind his fingers.

"No one beats me up!" she shouted, trying to keep from crying with rage.

She was about to hit him again when Mr. Buchanan ran into the yard. "What's going on!?" he asked, terrified as to why his son was bleeding profusely and the neighbor girl was red-faced and shouting with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Nick said he was going to beat me up so I punched him," Jen answered, breathing heavily and trying to calm down.

"Well, good for you, Jennifer," Mr. Buchanan praised. "Violence is never a good idea, but it's very important for people, especially girls, to stand up for themselves. And as for you, Nicky, you never _ever_ threaten violence against anyone. It's not funny and it doesn't make you strong or cool. Only if you're defending yourself should you ever raise a hand against another person. Now, let me see your nose."

Reluctantly, Nick did as he was told. Blood was dripping onto the lawn and all over his shirt.

"Alright, it doesn't look broken. Go inside and have Mum help you clean up before dinner. Jenny, are you okay?"

"My hand hurts," she answered in a quiet voice, feeling properly ashamed of herself for losing control like that and ending up with her knuckles all swollen.

"You'll need to put some ice on it. Go back home for now, okay?"

She nodded and grabbed her book bag and ran home.

Later that night, after a quiet and anxious dinner with her mother and icing her hand for an hour, Jennifer was getting ready for bed and from her bedroom window saw the lantern illuminating the treehouse next door. She felt like she was going to be sick. How could Nick ever forgive her for what she'd done? She'd never had a friend like him before, and now he probably hated her. And he lived right next door! What was she going to do without him?

As quietly and quickly as she could, Jen snuck back downstairs and out the door. She stood at the bottom of the rope ladder, concerned about whether she should try to go up. In the end, she thought she'd better ask. "Nick?" she hissed, trying not to be too loud.

The silhouette of his head appeared at the entrance. "Jen? What are you doing here?"

"Can I come up?" she asked.

"Sure," he replied.

Jen was shaking as she climbed up the ladder, trying to prepare herself for what she wanted to say and what his reaction might be.

When she sat down, though, Nick was the first to speak. "How come you asked if you could come up?"

"I didn't think you'd want me here."

"You know you can always come up here. That's what we agreed the day you moved in next door," he reminded her.

"Yeah, but you weren't mad at me then."

"I'm not mad at you now."

"Are you sure? Your face is all purple because I punched you."

Nick shrugged. "I deserved it. Besides, the bleeding's stopped. I'm okay."

"Still, I'm sorry I hit you. That's not what friends do."

"I'm sorry I said I'd beat you up. That wasn't what friends do either. But…um…" Nick trailed off and stared at his hands in his lap, clearly nervous about something.

"What?"

"Are you going to tell everyone at school?"

She frowned. "Why would I do that?"

"Because you beat me at football and you punched me because I'm a sore loser. You're a better player and you're tough. Aren't you going to tell people?"

A small smile appeared on Jennifer's face. "It's no one else's business. You know and I know that you were being awful and I punched you for it. You'll just have to make it up to me later, I guess."

"Make it up to you how?" he asked warily.

"You could kiss me," she suggested.

Without hesitation, Nick started to laugh. "Yeah, okay, come here." He leaned closer to Jen, threatening to kiss her.

She squealed and backed away laughing. "No, don't!" Jen scrambled down the ladder to go home to bed. "See you tomorrow, Nick."

"Jen, wait," he called, looking down to where she stood next to the ladder.

"Yeah?"

"We still mates?"

"Best mates. Always," she assured him before running back home.


	3. Chapter 3

"Don't cry. You're twelve now. Don't cry." Jennifer spoke those words to herself in the mirror, begging herself to follow her own instruction. She's been staying that mantra for about a week now. But today it was more important than ever.

Today was Richard Buchanan's funeral. Nick and Jill and Tara had lost their father and Mrs. Buchanan had lost her husband. Jen's mum had lost a friend and Jen herself had lost the only man she'd ever looked up to. The two households were still reeling.

It was all so sudden. Mr. Buchanan had a headache when he left for work one morning. His secretary found him unconscious at his desk at lunchtime. The doctors said it was an aneurysm. Jen didn't quite know what that meant but apparently it was quick and he hadn't been in real pain.

But pain there was in abundance, for those left behind. Jen had been tasked with babysitting the twins with Nick while their mothers took care of all the arrangements for everything. All the children stayed home from school for a few days, trying to comfort each other.

All week, Nick had been so quiet. He wasn't usually too effusive, but this was different. He was sadder than Jen had ever seen him. But while Jill and Tara were crying their little eyes out, Nick was just quiet. He and Jen let the twins sob into their arms and grieve however they needed. Nick just seemed numb. Jen kept a close eye on him but was sure to leave him his space.

And so today, at the funeral, they would all say goodbye to one of the best men in the world. Jen wasn't sure if she'd be able to keep herself together. But Nick needed her. He hadn't asked her for anything, hadn't leaned on her, hadn't said more than two words at a time to anyone on the subject, but Jen knew. She knew Nick and knew the kind of responsibility he was feeling now. Mr. Buchanan had instilled a strong sense of duty in his son, the understanding that the needs of others are more important than selfish whims. Nick was the man of the house now. He was only thirteen, but if he wasn't up to the task of keeping food on the table when his mother was too bereaved to cook or making sure the twins kept up work their homework so their grades stayed good, who would be there to hold the family together?

Marlene Mapplethorpe held her daughter's hand tight as they entered the church. Jenny had been so strong through all of this, but Marlene worried about her. She'd not raised her daughter with any sort of religion and attending her first funeral inside a big church was probably rather daunting. But Jenny was twelve now and certainly not a little girl. She was much more mature than anyone knew, it seemed.

The Mapplethorpes were going to sit in the back and out of the family's way, but it seemed the Buchanans had other plans for their neighbors. Jill came hurrying over to Jen and took her hand, dragging her up to sit in between the twins in the front pew. Marlene took a seat behind them, keeping a close eye on Jennifer.

Nick sat straight as a ramrod, eyes nearly unblinking as they stared forward. Jill sat down next to him, putting Jen between her and Tara. Nancy Buchanan was sobbing nearly uncontrollably at the end of the pew.

Jennifer largely ignored the service. She was interested in what the priest had to say, simply because she'd never heard a priest speak before, but she was distracted. Tara and Jill held on to each of her hands, rendering her rather useless. And more often than not, Jen felt her gaze drift over to watch Nick. She worried that he wasn't alright. Seeing how he sat, how obviously shattered into numbness he was, Jen knew was very much not alright. Though there was very little she could do about it now. There were a pair of ten-year-olds clinging to her.

The group shuffled out to the graveside, following the pallbearers made up of Richard's brothers and cousins and coworkers. Marlene stepped in to help Nancy walk behind her husband's casket. The twins with Jen followed behind them, and Nick brought up the rear. He stared straight ahead, unseeing. It wasn't very subtle for Jen to crane her neck behind her to check on him, but she didn't mind looking foolish in that moment.

As Mr. Buchanan was lowered into the ground, the twins began to cry anew. Jen felt tears prick her own eyes, knowing this was the last time she had to say goodbye to the man who had been more of a father than she'd ever known in her life. He'd always been so kind and gentle to her. He liked to talk to her and make her laugh and join her in lovingly teasing Nick. He'd treated Jen like one of his own children, and being so welcomed into the family like that meant everything to her in the six years they'd lived next door. And he was gone.

They all stood there, crying beside the open grave. Everyone except Nick and Jen seemed to be a bit tearful. But Jen made a promise to herself. No crying. And so she didn't. Nick had lost his father, and if he could get through this, so could she.

"Jenny, I'm going to drive Nancy and the girls back home. They're not doing too well. Are you and Nick okay to walk home?" Marlene asked her daughter quietly.

Jen nodded. The cemetery was only about a mile from their street. The walked to school further than that each day. They'd be fine. And maybe it would be better for Nick, to take a walk alone with her instead of being suffocated by his sobbing family.

And so they walked. They did not speak. They only walked. Jen felt like she should say something, but what? What could she possibly say? Would it help, maybe, if she reached out and held his hand? But he probably wouldn't want that. Nick would probably think that strange and just pull away from her. And the last thing Jennifer wanted was to upset him any further. And so they just walked.

But then, when they did reach their street, Nick himself reached out and took Jen's hand. He didn't say anything. Just held her hand and led the way through the garden gate and to the treehouse. It reminded her of the day they met, when he'd taken her hand and led her to the treehouse for the very first time. This time, however, they weren't running excitedly together. No, this time they were walking rather sedately.

They climbed up the ladder and took their customary seats on the floor of the treehouse. Still filled with silence between them.

Jen finally had to break it. "Nick, are you…" She trailed off and shut her mouth quickly.

"Am I what?" he asked, speaking to her for the first time all day.

"I was going to ask if you were okay, but then I realized that's a stupid question because of course you're not."

He shrugged. "I'm okay, I guess. Everything will be fine."

"Yeah," she agreed. Silence once more, broken again by Jennifer. "I know you guys are gonna be alright. You had a really, really great dad. He made sure you'd all be alright."

Nick nodded. "He was a really great dad." His voice cracked and the levees were broken. Tears swarmed his eyes and fell pouring down his face. Still sitting on the floor, he leaned forward and leaned into Jen's shoulder. He cried against the black jumper she wore, wrapping his arms around her so she couldn't get away. But she didn't want to. She had believed that Nick needed her. And he did. He needed her now. For a whole week, he'd stayed strong, keeping himself locked away inside where it didn't hurt so that he could take are of his mother and sisters. In this place, though. In the treehouse, it was just Nick and Jen. And when it was just Nick and Jen, he could be himself. No one to impress. No one to be strong for. No one demand his attention or his help. He was just Nick, and she was just Jen, and that was all he needed.

The moment Nick began to cry, Jen let loose all of her hurt too. The two children clutched each other's clothes, holding tight. They cried and cried until they had no tears left and the awkward, desperate position they were sitting in was too uncomfortable to maintain. Nick pulled away first. Jen let go and wiped her eyes. Nick lay back on the floor, staring at the ceiling. "I should go," she offered, wondering if perhaps he wanted privacy now after that cathartic outpour.

"Stay?" he asked.

She lay down beside him and took his hand.

"Thanks." The smallest hint of a smile was audible in his quiet voice.

She turned her head to face him and told him sincerely, "Nowhere I'd rather be than with my best mate."

He turned to face her as well. "Even if he's crying?" he teased self-deprecatingly. Back to his old self.

"Just so long as I can cry a bit, too."

"Yeah, no worries there.

Jen just gave his hand a squeeze. The silence fell over them again. Neither of them minded.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey Jen, we're going to see that new James Bond film, do you want to come?"

Jen looked up and grinned. "Yeah, I'd love to! Thanks!" She quickly gathered her things and shoved her textbooks into her bag and scampered over to join Nick.

Beside him, Lauren Cooper was twirling her auburn curls and watching her boyfriend in slight surprise. But she didn't say a word. She gave Jen a tight-lipped smile and grabbed Nick's hand. Jen followed behind them as they walked the four blocks to the cinema.

"Lauren, how's your brother doing? He's been home sick with whooping cough, right?"

She turned to face the younger blonde and frowned slightly. "Yeah, how'd you know?"

"Nick said. I hear that's an awful illness. I hope he's getting through it alright. Must be really hard for your family," Jen replied empathetically.

"Um, yeah, it's been hard. But he's doing better now. Doctor says he can go back to school on Monday," Lauren said.

"Oh that's great to hear!"

Lauren gave a curt nod and turned away, clinging to Nick's arm and walking a bit faster. Jen nearly had to jog to keep up.

The three of them watched the film together. Nick bought the tickets and some popcorn for Lauren and himself. Jen paid for her own. But she didn't mind at all. She liked spending time with Nick and Lauren. Nick was her best friend, after all, and they had lots in common. Lauren, she didn't know very well yet, since she was in Nick's year, but if Nick liked her, she must be rather wonderful. Jen hoped they could become friends. It would make everything easier that way.

Jen enjoyed the film very much. She would have been whispering and laughing with Nick, but Lauren insisted on sitting in the middle. And midway through, Nick and Lauren's faces became attached at the mouth. But they were dating, and that was the sort of thing people did in the dark movie theater. Jen did her best to ignore them and just watch James Bond onscreen.

She had to poke Nick's hand inside the back of Lauren's blouse when the lights came back on. "Oi, you lot, the film's over."

The lovebirds broke apart, breathless and pink-faced and grinning sheepishly. "Oh. How was it?" Nick asked.

"Wonderful. James Bond got shot and then turned into a salmon," Jen replied sarcastically. She grabbed her bag and stormed out of the theater, not waiting to hear any reply.

Later that evening, Jen was reading up in the treehouse with the lantern and the fading sunlight. Nick came up the ladder. She turned away from him and kept reading. "Please don't be like that," he pleaded.

She shot him a withering stare. "Like what? Annoyed that my mate invited me to see a film and then spent all of it sucking his girlfriend's face?"

"You're mad I have a girlfriend?"

"Don't be stupid," she scoffed.

"Well, what is it, then?"

"If you want to go out with Lauren, don't bring me along. That wasn't really very nice to either of us."

Nick bowed his head in slight shame. "Yeah, that's what Lauren said. She yelled at me for bringing an audience on our date and for telling you about her family."

"She's your girlfriend, Nick. What did you think was going to happen?"

"I dunno," he shrugged.

Jen rolled her eyes. "Well, I'm here whenever you want to study or mess about with a football. And if you want to have a snog, go find Lauren."

Nick couldn't help but laugh a bit at that. "I guess you're right."

"No, no guessing. I am right."

"Of course you are," he corrected, smiling fondly at her. "So what are you reading?"

Jen's ire cooled after that. She had her friend back. That's all she wanted.

Only she didn't have her friend back. She didn't have him back at all. Nick had clearly learned his lesson about not inviting Jen on his dates with Lauren. And Jen had a rather strong feeling that Lauren didn't like her much either, despite Jen's constant attempts to be friendly. After all, she was Nick's girlfriend, and Jen only wanted him to be happy. He must have been very happy, since Jen barely saw him at school and spent nearly every day doing homework by herself in the treehouse. He was always with Lauren, it seemed. And Jen missed him.

At first, she assumed she was just lonely. Nick had been her best friend since the day she moved next door, almost nine years earlier. She had friends at school, of course, but no one like Nick. No one she could really share anything _real_ with. No one who would listen to her complain about her mother being overprotective or console her when money was tight or make her laugh when she got too focused on schoolwork. No one really knew her like Nick.

Then she thought that perhaps she should find a boyfriend. After all, if Nick had Lauren, why shouldn't Jen find someone nice and handsome to kiss her in the cinema? She'd been out on dates here and there, but no one she'd ever really felt a connection with. To her eternal shame, she had agreed to let Mark Welly buy her ice cream and then stick his tongue in her mouth and his hand over her bra. But he smelled like he hadn't taken a shower in two days and his hair and face were greasy, and Jen shoved him off her as soon as she realized her mistake.

But the truth of the situation was right in Jennifer's face. The truth was, she didn't want a friend. She didn't want a boyfriend. She just wanted Nick. He was kind—usually—and funny and gentle and understanding. He respected her and sought her opinion and never failed to make her smile. Every time she was in his presence, everything was just _better_.

Sitting there in the treehouse she'd shared with him since they were children, Jennifer Mapplethorpe sighed. She was in love with Nick Buchanan. And there wasn't a thing she could do about it.

And then, in the midst of this earth-shattering revelation, she heard the telltale sounds of someone coming up the ladder. She stared with wide eyes as Nick came inside the treehouse and took his customary seat by the back wall.

"Hi," he greeted, as though this were a completely regular occurrence and not the first time they'd been alone together in weeks.

"Um. Hi," she replied. "Where's Lauren?" Immediately, Jen could have kicked herself.

"At her house."

"But you're here?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

They were both quiet after that. They both had books that they were pretending to read, each watching the other surreptitiously.

Nick's mind was churning. He had been so upset when he'd left Lauren's. And now, being with Jen for the first time in a while, just like they used to be, he felt calm again. Whenever something upset him, Jen was the person he went to. He just didn't quite know how to tell her this.

Because how would that make her feel, to know he'd broken up with his girlfriend because of her? Because he missed her and had told Lauren that he wanted to hang out with Jen more. And upon hearing that, Lauren had told Nick that it was weird to have a girl as his friend, and his girlfriend should be enough for him, so why did he need Jen? But Lauren didn't understand. She never understood. She was beautiful and sweet most of the time, but she didn't know him like Jen did. She didn't know how he still cried sometimes because he missed his father so much. She didn't know that he spent his weekends cooking meals for later in the week in case his mum couldn't get out of bed and the twins needed their lunches for school. And what was worse than Lauren not knowing those things about Nick, Lauren didn't seem to want to get to know Nick enough to find all of that out.

Lauren had asked him if he had her, why did he need Jen? But Nick knew the answer. If he had Jen, why did he need Lauren? And that solved it. He'd told her that he didn't want to date her anymore. And he'd come straight to the treehouse. He'd seen Jen's shining blonde hair through the window as he approached, and he smiled.

"Nick, everything okay?" Jen asked, breaking the silence.

"It is now."

"Oh?"

"I broke up with Lauren," he confessed.

"I'm sorry. How come?"

Nick shrugged. "She's not really what I need. Besides, I've missed being up here with you. That okay?"

Jen smiled softly. "Yeah. That's okay."


	5. Chapter 5

"You're sure you don't mind?" Jen asked, her brow furrowed with concern.

"Of course I don't mind! We were just going to go as mates, but if you got asked properly, you should go! It's not like I'm not going to go anyway. I just won't have a date," Nick reasoned.

The pair were sitting on a bench after school before Jen had to leave to get to her after school job and Nick had to go to rugby practice. They had agreed, since neither of them was dating anyone at the moment, that they should go to the school dance together. It would be fun to not have the pressure of dates, they reasoned.

But that was before Nick's mate, Alan, asked Jen to be his date. And Jen hadn't wanted to accept without checking with Nick. After all, she'd rather be going as Nick's date, but that wasn't likely to happen, and she refused to sit around and waste her time when there might be someone else out there. So she would go out with Alan, as long as Nick didn't mind, and she'd try to have some fun.

"We should all drive together," she offered. "That way we can all hang out."

Nick laughed lightly. "I don't think Alan would like it much if you bring another man along on your date."

"You're not just any man though, you're our friend!"

"I don't think Alan will see it like that," he replied ruefully. "You two go by yourselves. I'll see if I can find someone else before Saturday."

Jen nodded. "Alight, well I've got to get to work. See you at home later?"

"Yeah. I'll probably be out of practice before your shift is done. Tomorrow, d'you think you can look over my English paper?"

"Sure, yeah. I haven't got work tomorrow. But you've got practice again, yeah?"

Nick nodded. "Tuesday and Wednesday this week," he confirmed.

And with that, the friends went their separate ways. They didn't see much of each other until the next day. Or rather, Jen didn't see much of Nick. Nick saw her walking the halls with Alan Nesbitt, his teammate who had asked Jen to the dance. Alan was a bit of a dill, but Jen was smiling, and that was good. She was really beautiful, but she seemed to scare off most of the guys with her sharp wit and sharper tongue; most people didn't think she was worth the trouble. Nick was glad to see someone was putting in the work to make her happy. She deserved it.

But about four hours later, that all changed. Nick felt the blood thump in his ears. His vision went red. Alan's words echoed through his mind, taunting and torturing his very soul.

"I bet when I sink into her, she'll break in half, skinny little thing. How loud you think I can make her scream?"

The laughter surrounding him was driving him mad. And Nick just snapped.

It all happened so fast, Nick didn't even know what he was doing. But his fist collided with Alan's face and knocked him to the ground. And Nick was on top of him, hitting him over and over, making blood drip from his broken nose and busted lip and swollen face. It took three of their teammates to haul Nick away. All the while he was shouting with pure rage, "Don't you ever fucking talk about her like that! Don't you touch her, you fucking dickhead! I'll bloody kill you, Alan!"

Somehow, when it was all over, Nick still wasn't sure what had happened. He was sitting in the headmaster's office with blood on his rugby kit. He had no way to defend his actions. But even while he was getting suspended for fighting, Nick couldn't bring himself to feel bad about it. Not even a little. That prick got exactly what he deserved, and Nick was exactly the one to do it.

It was late by the time he finally got home. Already dark out. Mum already heard about what happened. Tara and Jill, little gossipy twits, already ratted him out. But Nick wasn't in trouble. Not yet, at least. Mum was too busy crying over what had happened to the dear sweet boy she raised. Nick couldn't bear to listen to it.

He made his way out to the yard, as he always did when he was upset. There was a flickering light coming from the treehouse. Nick smiled for the first time that day. He climbed up the rickety old ladder and entered his childhood hideaway.

"Took you long enough."

His smile widened. "Sorry. Got held up after practice."

Jen put down her book and turned to face him. The lamp illuminated her in an eerie sort of way. Even in the dim light, her displeasure was evident. "I heard what happened."

"Yeah? What did you hear?" For some reason, Nick had grown rather flippant about the whole thing. He was glad he did it. He was glad he hadn't just let Alan go.

"That you went mental and beat Alan Nesbitt to a bloody pulp."

"He was pretty bloody."

Jen's frown deepened. "Nick, what would you father say?" she asked quietly. Nick wasn't like the other boys she knew at school; he'd never gotten into fights or anywhere close, and she knew exactly why.

"He deserved it," he growled, his lightened mood rapidly disappearing.

"I can't believe any friend of yours could deserve that. Not from you. Jesus, Nick, what's got into you!?"

Nick could hear a hysterical note of fear in her voice. He had to tell her. But Christ, he really didn't want to. "You can't go to the dance with him, Jen," he said quietly.

She rolled her eyes. "Well I certainly can't now. You broke his nose and his jaw!"

"I mean it. You can't see him," he insisted.

Jen scoffed, "And who the bloody hell are you to tell me who I can date?"

"The things he said..."

She had been partly teasing Nick up till now. The way they always teased each other since they were kids. But Jen knew that tone of his voice and her focus immediately shifted. "What did he say, Nick?" she asked softly.

"I can't repeat it. But...Jen you're a good girl and you're strong and smart and kind. And the things Alan said about what he wanted to do to you would make a prozzie upset."

Her wide turquoise eyes were enough to let Nick know he's gotten the point across. Christ, she was fifteen! That Alan Nesbitt was an animal and not fit for any woman, but Nick just couldn't sit by and allow him to get anywhere near his best friend.

"I know I shouldn't've hit him. But it would have been bad enough hearing anyone say that about anyone but to hear your date talk about you like that? I'm not sorry I did it, Jen," he confessed.

Jen went quiet for a minute. Her heart was thundering in her chest, and she quietly asked, "Why not?"

"Why aren't I sorry?"

"Yes."

"Because it was for you."

She was trembling now. "And why should that matter?"

"You know why." He lowered his head, unable to look at her.

Jen swallowed hard. "Tell me anyway."

"Because you're my best mate. Because you've been the best friend I've ever had since I was seven years old. Because you're the most wonderful girl in the world."

"Is that all?" Her voice wavered slightly, but she pushed through.

"Because I..."

"Yes?"

"Because I love you."

Nick hadn't been able to look her in the eye. His gazed was fixed at the floor as he made the quiet confession of his heart. It was the truth. It had been the truth for a long time, probably. But Nick had only realized today. He always told Jen everything. Only made sense he'd share this revelation with her as soon as it occurred.

The air was thick and quiet around them. Jen hadn't responded. Nick couldn't take the suspense. He finally lifted his head to look at her. And somehow, she was smiling. There were tears in her eyes and streaming down her cheeks, and she stared at him in delighted awe. Nick opened his mouth to say something else, but he never got to it. Jen tilted her whole body forward from where she was sitting on her knees. She rested her weight on her hands as her face came ever closer to his. And before he knew it, their lips touched.

Everything in the universe fell away. Nick took her face in his hands and kissed her hungrily. And she kissed him right back. Her lips moved with gasping passion and a low hum sounded in the back of her throat. Nick wanted to kiss her forever, but he had to pull away to catch his breath.

"Jen?" he asked tentatively.

Her swollen lips smiled. "About time, Buchanan."


	6. Chapter 6

The day after the world shifted on its axis, Jen had quite possibly the worst day of her life. Nick had beat up Alan Nesbitt, and it's all anyone at school could talk about. Alan was bandaged up and whining, and Nick was suspended. And somehow, everyone knew the fight had been about Jen.

She could more than hold her own against teasing, but a lot of her friends weren't teasing her at all. They were asking questions that she had absolutely no answer to.

"Oh my gosh I wish my boyfriend would beat up a guy for me!"

"Nick and I are just friends," Jen explained, since that had been her refrain for the last nine years.

"He's not your boyfriend?"

And Jen wasn't quite sure what to say. Was Nick her boyfriend? They hadn't talked much after they kissed the night before. They'd mostly just kissed. A lot. And it was wonderful. But it was late and Mrs. Buchanan called Nick to yell at him probably, and Jen had to get home for dinner. And since he was suspended, she hadn't seen him at school all day, nor would she for the rest of the week.

"Well, is he taking you to the dance?"

Again, Jen was at a loss. Before Alan had asked her, she and Nick were going to go together just as friends. And now she certainly wasn't going with Alan. But with Nick suspended by the school and likely grounded by his mother, would he even be able to go to the dance? Jen had really been looking forward to it. She'd saved up and bought herself a new dress from the shop where she worked. But if Nick couldn't go, she certainly didn't want to.

All day long, these worries plagued her. She needed to talk to Nick. No matter what else, she had to talk to him about all of this. She had to work after school that day, but usually she and Nick chatted with their other friends before heading off to their various activities. Today, there would be no such dawdling.

As soon as the final bell sounded, she took off straight home. She might be a bit late for her shift, having to walk all the way from her house, but this simply couldn't wait. Jen raced through the back gate into the Buchanans' yard, tossed her bookbag on the lawn beside the tree, and climbed the rope ladder as quick as she could.

Nick was there waiting for her. He hadn't been able to do much of anything all day, thanks to his punishment for fighting at school. He'd caught up on some assignments and worked on his English paper that was due soon, and then spent all afternoon reading in the treehouse. Jen had to work, so he knew it would be a while. Seeing her right after school got out was quite a surprise.

"Hi," he greeted happily.

But her face indicated she was in no mood for pleasantries. "What is this?" she asked, a bit out of breath.

"What's what?"

"You and me. What's going on?"

Nick understood what she was asking. "Oh." He didn't have an immediate answer. "Well, what do you want it to be?"

"What do you want it to be?" she asked right back.

He faltered slightly. "Well I…Jen, I love you. And if you love me…or if you think you could…I guess that's that?"

"I do love you," she confirmed, realizing she'd never said it yesterday amidst all the kissing.

His entire expression brightened. "Oh. Good."

"So am I your girlfriend, then?"

"If you want to be. I'd like to be your boyfriend," he replied, somewhat sheepishly.

She smiled, finally. "Okay," she agreed.

"Can I kiss you now?" he asked with a giddy grin.

Jen nodded. "Please."

He crawled across the floor to eliminate the space between them, pulling her into his arms. Nick was quite impressed at how good they'd gotten at this already. They seemed to just know what they were doing, where lips and teeth and tongues were moving. Jen did this thing where she sucked on his tongue and it was better than anything he'd ever dreamed of. And when she did just that, his whole mind went blank as he moaned into her mouth.

But Jen pulled away. She gave him a couple more pecks before shrugging out of his embrace and going back to the rope ladder. "I've got to go to work!" she squealed, realizing she was late.

Nick was caught in a fog of arousal. "You…oh…"

She laughed, pleased with her effect on him. "Figure out if we can go to the dance on Saturday!" she called behind her as she ran off.

It took him a moment to figure out what she was talking about. The dance. Oh Christ, the dance! Nick was suspended, surely he wouldn't be able to go!

Without another though, he climbed down from the treehouse and went inside to talk to his mother. He didn't usually like trying to manipulate her into doing things he wanted, but after his dad died, Nick held the family together, and his mum knew it; she'd do anything he asked.

When Jen got done with work, she went home to change into something more comfortable and grab her history book so she could get some homework done with Nick up in the treehouse. Her mother was in the living room and called for Jen's attention. "Jenny, a word?"

Resenting that childish nickname with every fiber of her being, Jen paused and turned around. "Yes?"

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to get my things and go study with Nick," she replied, confused by the question. This was the same thing she did every day.

Marlene shook her head. "Jennifer, I don't want you going over there with him anymore."

"What!? Why!?"

"You think I don't hear things? You think people don't talk? Nick beat up that poor Nesbitt boy!"

Jen frowned. "Yeah, and he got suspended for it. He messed up, and he knows it. Nick's not like that really. Come on, Mum, you've known Nick forever!"

"Yes, but he got violent with another boy over you, isn't that right?"

Her face went a bit hot. "Yes," she answered quietly.

"And are you two seeing each other now?" her mother asked knowingly.

"Yes."

Marlene sighed, "Jenny, you should know better."

"What's that supposed to mean? Mum, Nick's been my best friend since the day we moved here. He's always looked out for me when no one else would. Why wouldn't you be happy that we're together?"

"You're just so young!"

"You didn't mind when I had other boyfriends before Nick."

"Well, you didn't spend hours of the day alone in a treehouse with other boyfriends."

Jen's jaw dropped. "You think…Mum!"

"It's not such a strange concern! He's sixteen!" Marlene insisted.

"Nothing's changed! He's still Nick, and I'm still me. And we love each other."

"That doesn't make me feel better."

"Could you maybe just trust me to know what I'm doing?" Jen fired back.

"You're fifteen, Jennifer."

"And I've known since I was five that I'd never let a man treat me the way Dad treated you, so maybe give me a little credit." And with that, Jen stormed up the stairs to gather her things and rush right back out of the house.

Nick was waiting for her again when she climbed up the ladder with her school books. "Good news," he greeted.

She crawled over to her customary place in the corner and forced a smile for him. "I need some good news. What's up?"

"We can go to the dance. My mum called the school. Apparently the headmaster talked to some of the guys on my team and they all said that Alan was well out of line with what he said, and since he wasn't too badly hurt, I'm suspended from school this week but after Friday, I'm all clear. Dance on Saturday and back in class on Monday," Nick told her triumphantly.

Jen gazed at him fondly. It was still so new and lovely to be able to not have to hide how she looked at him. "Everything's different now, isn't it?" she asked softly.

"What do you mean?"

"You and me. This is…different."

Nick frowned. "Other than a snog earlier, what's been different about today than any other day? I mean, with us? We're here, we're talking like normal, we're going to do our homework."

"I guess so."

"Do you want things to be different?"

"I don't know. You're not like any boyfriend I've ever had. I know you, and I love you because I know you. I don't really know what we're supposed to do."

Nick wanted to go to her, to take her in his arms, but that wouldn't be the right thing, just now. So he stayed where he was sitting and took a moment to find his words. "I don't think there's anything we're 'supposed to' do. I mean, I want to take you on proper dates, like I will on Saturday, and I hope we can do more kissing, since we seem to be pretty good at it, but what else has to change?"

"Well, my mother seems to be concerned that you're a sixteen-year-old boy," Jen pointed out.

"Jen!"

His scandalized expression told her everything she needed to know. "That's what I thought. I told her that nothing's changed, that we're still us, and everything is fine. I wasn't sure if that was true or not."

"It is," he assured her.

"Good." She put her head down to open her history book, suddenly feeling a blush come to her cheeks.

"Jen, I'm not trying to get into your knickers," Nick told her.

She snorted in laughter.

"No, I'm serious. You and me…I feel like this is it, you know? Like it was always supposed to be you and me."

"Yeah," she agreed.

"So I'm in no rush. At all. I mean, Christ, we just kissed for the first time last night! We've got plenty of time to figure everything out. Okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Okay."

"Alright, now I'm going to read my sports mag, since I've been doing homework all day, but when you're through with your history, would you mind checking my English paper?"

Jen smiled. "Sure, Nick." Not much had changed at all.


	7. Chapter 7

Nick was distracted. He tried to sit in class and take notes like he was supposed to. But his mind was filled with Jen. Ever since the dance, he hadn't been able to get her out of his head. It had been months ago, but he still thought about it all the time. She looked so beautiful, her hair all shiny and curly, her slim figure hugged by the shiny green fabric of her dress. It was strapless and rather short and tight around her middle, puffy in the skirt. He hadn't seen that much of her since she'd filled out. When they were little, they'd run around through the sprinklers in their bathing suits, but that was different. Now they were grown and she was his girlfriend. And she as absolutely stunning.

They'd spent the whole dance in each other's arms. Nick never liked dancing, never really wanted to do much of it. But Jen wanted to dance. And he would do anything she asked. Plus, it meant he got to hold her in his arms all evening. Feeling the curve of her body in his arms, the way she molded against him, the way that she stood level with his chin with her high heeled shoes on. He'd had his growth spurt about a year earlier and hadn't had the chance to really notice how tall he was in comparison to her, how delicate she really was. He'd never really thought of her as delicate. She'd punched him in the face when they were kids. No one ever pushed her around. But she was quite thin and dainty, particularly in that dress. She was just so soft and so beautiful, and she smelled so good.

"Oi! Nick!"

He turned abruptly at the voice hissing behind him and poking him with a pencil. "Christ, Geoff, what!?" he whispered back.

"We're on page thirty-eight now."

Nick looked down at his maths book. It was still turned to page thirty-three. He quickly flipped forward and tried to follow along with what the teacher was saying.

After class, he thanked Geoff for keeping an eye on him. But his friend waved him off. "No worries, mate. But you probably won't need maths anyway. Are you going for your VCE?" he asked. "I'd say chuck it, but my mum won't let me. Wants me to go to uni, can you believe it? What a bloody waste, don't you think?"

Suddenly, Nick was rather caught off guard. He hadn't actually given much thought to the Victorian Certificate of Education, which would be required to go to a university or for most good careers worth having. But if he didn't want to bother, he could leave school at the end of this term.

He ended the day feeling very conflicted. And whenever he needed to talk about anything, there was only one person he spoke to. Thankfully, she was waiting for him right outside his classroom.

"Hey there," Jen greeted brightly. She grabbed the collar of his shirt and kissed him, as she'd started doing since they'd stumbled into their relationship. She paused, seeing the worry on his face. "What's wrong?"

Nick sighed, "Let's get out of here."

Jen nodded and let him hold her hand as they walked home. As soon as they'd left school and gotten away from the crowds, she tried again. "Nick, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just…I dunno. Say, are you going for your VCE?" he asked her.

"Of course I am," she replied, seemingly stating the obvious. "You can't get anywhere without it. Aren't you staying on for Years Eleven and Twelve?"

"I hadn't really thought about it," he replied honestly.

"Wait, really? What do you want to do after school?"

"No idea."

Jen stopped walking. "Are you really telling me you have no idea what you want to do with your life?"

"We aren't all as focused as you, Jennifer!" he snapped.

"I know that, but I thought you were. You're so smart, Nick, and you're so dedicated to everything you do. I just didn't realize you didn't have a plan," she responded quietly, feeling very properly chastised by his tone.

Nick didn't answer her. He started walking towards home again. Jen followed him and jogged to grab his hand again.

"Are you really going to leave school at the end of term?" she asked.

"I dunno."

A smile crept across her lips. "You wouldn't go off and get a job and leave me in school by myself for three years, would you?"

But Nick frowned. "Don't tease, Jen."

They continued their walk in silence, still holding hands but neither saying a word until they were up in the treehouse, away from everything and everyone. Their own private, special place.

Jen's mind was spinning as she felt rather like the bottom had dropped out from under her. Nick might be leaving school. And if he did, what would he do? Would they stay together? He'd once told her that this was it, the two of them together. Did he still believe that? Was his vision of the future one that included her? Jen herself didn't even know the answer to that. She had a plan, she knew what she wanted to do with her life. When she'd imagined it, however, she was always alone. But certainly things were different now, weren't they? She and Nick would always be together. That's what she wanted. Her plan for the future didn't really begin till she finished Year Twelve anyway. Three whole years away. A lot could change in three years, particularly if Nick's plan—whatever it might be—didn't match up with hers.

She went to her customary corner of the treehouse to get her chemistry book out and try to focus her mind on homework and not on her sinking feeling of dread. But before she'd gotten over there, Nick asked, "Will you sit with me for a bit? Before we do homework? I think we should talk."

His voice was so quiet and frightened. She hated seeing him so uncertain, particularly when it came to her. "Of course. Maybe we can have a bit of a cuddle?" she asked in return.

Finally, he gave a small smile. He spread out the pillows and blanket they kept up in the treehouse and settled down, lying with his back propped up a bit. Jen joined him, snuggling into his embrace and resting her head on his chest. Nick kissed her hair and stroked her arm for a little while before he spoke again. "Tell me your plan, Jen."

It was very strange to realize that she'd never told him. She'd had this plan for longer than she could remember, but she'd never actually shared it with the most important person in her life. "I'm going to be a cop," she announced proudly.

"Really?"

"Is that surprising?"

"I dunno, you've never said anything about it before. You're so good in school, I just figured you'd be going to uni and becoming a doctor or a barrister or something."

She chuckled, imagining herself in a barrister's wig. "No, I've always wanted to be a cop. The police can be so wonderful. They help people who need it. They protect everyone. And of course some of them can be awful and abuse their power and everything, but I guess I've just always loved the idea that no matter how much trouble you're in, you call the police and someone rushes to help you. And what's better than being able to be there for people who need you?"

Nick hesitated for a moment before asking, "Is that because of your dad?"

Jen shivered involuntarily. She nuzzled against Nick and let him hold her tight. She was safe with him. She was always safe with him, she reminded herself. "Yeah," she finally answered. "Mum showed me how to call the police when I was really little. Maybe three or four. And she had a code word for it, for when I should call if things got really bad. She'd tell me to find my blanket. Whenever she said that, I'd run and get my green blanket that she promised would keep me safe, and I would hide under it and get the phone and call the police and tell them that my mummy was hurt and needed help, and I'd give them my name and our address. And they always came. There was one cop that came a few times, actually. She'd give me a butterscotch and always told me I was really brave. Constable Waverly was her name. And at a certain point, I just decided I wanted to be her when I grew up."

"I think that's perfect. You'd make a great cop. You're brilliant and you're so strong and you're the toughest person I know. Victoria will be a lot safer with you on the streets." Nick kissed her forehead and shifted slightly so he could cuddle her a bit better.

"You know, I think you'd make a good cop, too," she said, shifting herself even closer in his arms. "You're brilliant and strong and tough, too. And you're so kind, and you always want to help everyone when they need it."

Nick thought about that for a moment. And the idea began to form. "So you need the VCE to apply?" he asked.

"Yeah. VCE and at least a provisional driver's license. They prefer work experience if you apply at eighteen, like I want to. That's part of why I've had that stupid shop position for the last year."

"I could probably find a part-time job somewhere," he reasoned. "I could stay on the cricket team and cut out rugby, since that one takes more time. And I should probably get the VCE anyway."

Jen pulled out of his embrace and sat up. "Nick, what are you saying?"

"I'll apply when I finish school. I'm a year ahead of you, so if I don't make it right away, I can figure something else out and reapply when you do. And I agree with you, I think I could make a good cop. I'd never thought about it before, but it feels right in a weird way. And I'd get to be with you. That's the most important part."

"I shouldn't be the focus of your future, Nick," she warned, suppressing the part of her that wanted to preen with pride over his words.

Nick sat up and took her face in his hands. "You aren't the focus of my future, Jen, you _are_ my future. For as long as you can stand me, I want us to be together. I love you more than anything."

"Oh god, I love you, too," she choked, trying not to cry.

He kissed her gently. "Good. Then let's be cops."

Jen laughed, more from catharsis than anything else. "Yeah. Let's be cops."


	8. Chapter 8

Nick wasn't sure if he was sad or angry or excited about the whole thing. Probably a bit of all three. It wasn't Mum's fault, of course. Gran was sick, and Perth was so far away, so it made sense that Mum should go. And really, he was glad she took Jill and Tara with her. Being alone at home with them would have been a nightmare. Nick couldn't go because he had to work. He hadn't been employed at the grocery store for too long, and he needed the hours and work experience. And so it was that he'd be left at home all by himself for a whole week.

He was a bit disappointed to not go visit his grandmother. He was more disappointed that he wouldn't be with his family on his birthday. He was turning seventeen on Sunday, and instead of getting Mum's classic lemon drizzle cake she made for his birthday every year, he'd probably just be picking something up from the grocery store after his shift.

But the one thing that made him very happy and excited about the whole thing was the prospect of getting to spend his birthday alone with Jennifer. They'd been together almost a whole year now, and he loved her more every day. And she was the most important person in his life, the only one he really wanted to spend the day with.

Jen had the whole evening planned, apparently. He did have to work during the day, but she took him out to breakfast first thing to make it special. Her kisses tasted like coffee and pancakes, and Nick was certain he'd never find a more delicious flavor as long as he lived. Having to leave her for his work shift was one of the more difficult things he'd ever done.

The hours thankfully passed by very quickly. He'd been assigned the stock shelves, so the menial work of unpacking boxes and organizing boxes of pasta and cake mix and whatever else kept the work from dragging too much. And before he knew it, Nick was on the bus back to his neighborhood.

The plan was for Jen to meet him at his house, since it was empty. What the plan was after that, he had no idea. She just told him to come home after he finished work.

"Jen?" he called out, when he opened the door to find absolutely nothing out of the ordinary in his seemingly empty house.

"Upstairs!" she yelled back.

And wasn't that strange? He'd figured maybe she was in the kitchen, making dinner for him or a birthday cake or something. But upstairs were all the bedrooms. She'd been in his room before, when they were kids, playing together if the weather outside was bad. They hadn't done anything like that in a long time though.

Wildly curious, Nick bounded up the stairs to find her. He walked into his bedroom—because why would she be anywhere else?—and nearly blacked out.

There, lying in his twin-sized bed, was Jennifer. The sheet was pulled up over her chest, but her arms and shoulders were bare. Her hair was fanned out over his pillow. She smiled as he stared at her. Her eyes locked with his as she sat up, letting the sheet fall away and revealing her upper half completely bare. "Happy birthday, Nick," she said softly.

He just gaped at her. He had no words. He was frozen in place, unable to take his eyes off her.

Jen felt a shiver run through her that had very little to do with the chill in the air. This wasn't going how she planned at all. She had hoped that Nick would find her naked in his bed and then take over and do the rest. Isn't that how it was supposed to work? Wasn't the man supposed to take charge? Jennifer certainly had no idea what she was going. She had a general sense of things, of course, but having her boyfriend paralyzed and staring at her wasn't really what she'd envisioned. Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea after all. "Nick?"

At the sound of his name, Nick was startled back to reality. He looked back at Jen's face and saw that she wasn't smiling anymore. "Jen," he croaked, trying to show concern but being woefully unable since the blood from his brain had flooded elsewhere.

"Alright?" she asked, her hands worrying the end of the sheet as she pulled her knees up into a comforting ball around her body.

"I…yeah…are you alright?" he asked in return, not fully knowing how to make words come out of his mouth.

"I would be if you would do something. You're just standing there and I'm naked and it's weird."

He quickly realized he wasn't doing the right thing. But he had no idea what the right thing was. "What do you want me to do?" he asked unthinkingly.

Jen wanted to call the whole thing off. This was a nightmare. Instead, she just pointed out, "Nick, I am naked in your bed and it is your birthday, what the bloody hell do you think I want you to do? Jesus, you cannot be this stupid."

"Jen, you're naked in my bed! I wasn't exactly planning this out!" he replied in annoyance. He was growing more and more embarrassed by the minute. He was the man, he was supposed to know what to do.

She frowned. "Okay, well, if you go wait downstairs, I'll get dressed and we can find something else to do." Tears began to sting her eyes. Jennifer couldn't believe what a big mistake she'd made. She really had believed he wanted her. That he loved her and that this was the next step for them. Obviously, she was wrong.

"Wait, no!" he replied quickly. "I just…Jen, of course I've thought about this. Christ, look at you! I just didn't want to push or anything, so I wasn't really planning on…but if you want to, I want to."

She swallowed back the lump in her throat. "I want to," she said in a small voice.

"Can I join you in bed, then?" he asked with a tentative smile.

Jen nodded. Nick took a step forward, finally unsticking his feet from the ground. "Wait!" He froze, nervous again. "No clothes allowed in bed," she clarified, biting her lip with a cheeky grin.

Nick's heart was racing as he pulled his t-shirt over his head and kicked off his shoes. Jen's eyes went wide as she gazed at his chest and abs. He'd been working extra hard in the gym during sport practice, hoping to look like the kind of guy who could be seen with a girl as beautiful as Jennifer. Perhaps he'd succeeded. He pulled the rest of his clothes off and quickly hurried to join her under the covers. She was blushing slightly. "Jen, I don't really know what I'm doing," he confessed, seeking out her hand to hold underneath the sheets.

"Me neither," she replied, placing her free hand on his cheek. She leaned in to give him a soft kiss. "But we can figure it out together, yeah? Just like with everything else?"

He kissed her again, deeply this time. His hands were wandering her bare flesh, trying to keep himself in control and be gentle and patient. He pulled away again. "I just don't want to hurt you. I hear that it…it can hurt."

"It'll be okay. We'll figure it out," she insisted.

And after that, they didn't talk.

It didn't last very long. Nick wasn't able to control himself the way he might have wanted to. Everything felt so good and was so overwhelming. When he was able to, he left Jen in bed and hurried to the bathroom to do away with the condom. She was lying there, staring at the ceiling when he returned.

"Was that okay?" he asked, not knowing what they were supposed to do now.

"I guess. I didn't really know what to expect. Did you…enjoy? I mean, it's your birthday," she said, turning onto her side and propping her head up on her hand.

"I thought it was amazing. But I want it to be amazing for you, too. What can I do?"

She furrowed her brow. "Well, we're done, aren't we? So we'll try again next time?"

"Well, I'm done. But I don't think you have to be. There's other ways we can…do things." He reached out to trace the curve from her ribs and waist down to her hip. God, he loved to touch her. "Tell me what felt good, Jen. I want to learn how to make you feel good."

"You do?" Somehow, the prospect that a man wanted to please her hadn't quite crossed Jennifer's mind. But, she reminded herself, this was Nick. Nick wasn't just any man. He was Nick.

"Yeah, I do. It's my birthday, and this is what I want to do."

She laughed, "God, I love you so much."

Nick leaned in to kiss her, pulling her tight against him again. "I love you more than anything, Jen. Now, tell me what I should do."


	9. Chapter 9

Jen wished they could be alone for this. Or that Nick could do this on his own and tell everyone in his own time. Having everyone crowded around like this was wreaking havoc on her nerves. Nick seemed calm and collected as always. It was his way, to keep a soft smile on his face and a steady gaze and a stoic expression. No matter what he was feeling inside, he presented a calm façade. But she placed a gentle hand on his shoulder as she stood behind him.

Nick's heart was thundering in his chest. Feeling Jen's gentle squeeze helped calm him a bit, but he was filled with anxiety. In his hands was the envelope that would change the course of his life. In his hands was the envelope that would provide the response to his application to the Victoria State Police.

If he was accepted, he'd start his training in two weeks. He'd use the money he'd saved and the graduation gift from his mum to get a flat somewhere close to police headquarters and pay rent until he was getting his cop salary. He'd be moving away from home for the first time in his life, living on his own and starting his adult life.

If he was rejected, he honestly didn't know what he'd do. He could probably still work at the grocery store. He'd have to live at home, probably. That wouldn't be so bad, he supposed. Bit humiliating, to be over eighteen and still living with his mother when most of his friends had moved away to work or gone to university or whatever else. But he and Jen had discussed it, that if he didn't make it this year, he'd reapply the following year when she finished school. And living at home meant he still got to live next door to her. That was a rather satisfactory consolation prize.

With shaking hands, Nick opened the envelope. His mum and sisters and Jen and her mum were all gathered around where he sat at the kitchen table, ready to hear the news right as he got it. He pulled the thin slip of paper out. One sheet. Probably not a good sign.

 _Dear Mr. Buchanan,  
_ _Congratulations on your acceptance…_

Nick had been reading out loud and gave up after that first line. All the women around him were cheering and screaming. Jen threw her arms around him and pressed a million kisses to his cheeks. "I knew you'd do it!" she murmured. "Congrats, Nick!"

He had to stand up so his mother could pull him into her arms and cry with pride. Jill and Tara were caught up in all the excitement, too.

Marlene and Jen stood off to the side a bit, both grinning at the happy Buchanan family. "He's gonna be a great cop," Marlene noted.

Jen nodded. "He'd be great at anything. But this is perfect for him."

"And that's still what you want to do?"

"Of course," Jen replied firmly. Her mother had been subtly pressuring her to apply to university, but Jen stood firm. She'd always wanted to be a cop. And now with Nick already there, she had even more incentive.

"A lot can change in a year," Marlene said softly. She gave her daughter an affectionate squeeze around the shoulders. "I'm going to grab the champagne from the fridge for Nancy. You can have one glass."

Jen just nodded, suddenly feeling rather deflated. She was so happy for Nick. This was the perfect thing for him and he'd worked so hard and she loved him so much. But her mother did have a point. A lot could really change in a year. Nick would be moving out and starting his training and for the first time in their lives, he would have a life separate from hers. She had another year left of school to finish. She was stuck. Their relationship was so good and so perfect because they were always together. It was easy and convenient and comfortable. When he wasn't living next door anymore, when he had new friends and a job and this new life, would he still want her to be a part of it?

Nick finally extricated himself from his family's suffocating embraces. He made his way over to Jen. She had a strange look on her face. "Alright?"

She immediately gave him a beaming smile. "Of course!" Jen wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tight. "Oh Nick, I'm so proud of you."

He bowed his head—he'd had another growth spurt and now towered a full head and a bit more above her—and pressed a kiss to her hair. "All thanks to you."

"No it's not, you did this all on your own. I might have given you the idea a couple years ago, but you made this happen. You're wonderful, and I love you," she told him firmly, gazing up into his soft hazel eyes.

"I love you, too," he replied, leaning in to kiss her properly. Nothing too much, since his whole family was right there. "Treehouse later?" Nick whispered against her lips.

"Yeah," she agreed.

After that, the Mapplethorpes toasted to Nick's achievement and then left the Buchanans to their family celebration. It was well after dark, when everyone else had gone to bed, that Nick and Jen snuck out and met in the old treehouse.

Jen was already there waiting when Nick climbed up the rope ladder. "I stole this for us," she announced proudly, holding up the bottle of champagne. "It was already open so it's gone a bit flat, but it's mostly full."

He grinned, settling down to sit by her. "Glasses?"

"I didn't think we needed them. Just more dishes to do, eh?" In demonstration, Jen took a big swig right from the bottle.

Nick chuckled and took his turn. They passed the bottle back and forth for a little while, quietly cuddled together in the darkness. Eventually, Nick broke the silence. "It's all gonna be different now. We'll have to work that out."

Part of Jen was glad he brought it up, that he was thinking about that, but the other part of her wanted to ignore the possibility that this wouldn't work out and they wouldn't be able to handle it. "Yeah," she said simply.

"I was thinking about it. I'm gonna have to look at flats and if you're not working, maybe you could come with me?"

"You want me to help you find a flat?"

Suddenly Nick's mouth went a little dry. "I…yeah…" he replied awkwardly.

Jen shifted where she sat, putting the bottle down so she could concentrate. Her head was feeling a bit foggy. "Nick, please tell me. Whatever you're thinking about."

"It's probably too much."

"What is?"

"Well…I guess…" He took a deep breath and then just came out with it. "I was thinking that we should pick a place together since it'll be mine for now, but you'll come visit, I hope, and then when you get accepted to the state police next year, you'll come live with me, and it'll be our place together."

Jennifer let out a choking sort of laugh.

"Is…is that okay?" he asked nervously, not too comforted by her reaction.

"Nick, that's everything I want. I've just been worried that maybe it won't work out. Everything is so easy now, being next door like we've always been. What's gonna happen when we don't see each other every day?"

He put his hands on her face and looked into her pale eyes, sparkling in the moonlight. "Jen, you are the most important thing to me. And this will be different, and we'll have to work at it, I think, but if we want to make it work, we will. I love you, and I want to be with you forever. I mean…Christ, I wanna marry you one day."

Her eyes went wide. "You do?"

"Of course," he replied softly.

And after that, Jen couldn't help but lean in and kiss him with everything she had. She shouldn't have worried, though it was certainly in her nature to worry about things. But Nick loved her and Nick wanted to be with her forever—isn't that what it meant if he wanted to marry her? She might have all sorts of things to worry about, but Nick's love and commitment should never be one of them. And he was right. If they wanted to make it work, they would. And she was certain now that they both wanted to make it work.


	10. Chapter 10

Mondays were the worst. Waking up alone again and knowing the whole long week was waiting ahead of them. Nick and Jen had struggled to find a routine together, and now that they had one, it was all they had to hold on to most Mondays.

Nick had started his police training. He found a small one-bedroom flat right nearby police headquarters. He had horrible hours Monday through Friday, but he had Saturday and Sunday off.

Jen was still in school, working as hard as she could to keep her grades where they needed to be for her state police application. She had her part-time job at the shop still, working a shift after school every day. It had taken some cajoling with her manager to get her weekends off.

It took some further convincing for Jen's mother to agree to the arrangement, but Marlene could see that after almost three years, Nick and Jennifer were probably going to find their way together no matter what; forbidding Jen from spending weekends at his flat was probably a pointless endeavor.

And so it was that Jen would take the bus across town every Saturday morning and return home on Sunday afternoon. She and Nick got to play house together for one whole day and night every week. And she absolutely loved it.

Some days, when the training was rough or he caught wind of some horrible police case, knowing he'd see Jen on Saturday was all that kept him going. They'd tried for a little while to have phone calls, but with his work schedule and her work schedule and her homework, it was too much hassle to schedule time when they could both talk. This was much better.

Saturday would begin with Jen packing her bag for the weekend and saying goodbye to her mother while eating vegemite on toast and running out the door to catch the bus. Nick was usually still eating breakfast when Jen arrived. He had a key made for her so she could just come right in. After all, in another year, she'd be living there, too.

"'Morning, Nick!" she called out as she unlocked the front door of the flat.

He looked up from the kitchen table to see her come in. He grinned madly to see her. "Good morning," he greeted softly.

And no matter what he was doing, Jen would drop her things on the floor and rush over to where he sat. He'd pull her onto his lap and they'd kiss for a good long while. Sometimes they'd talk while Nick finished eating and drinking his coffee. But usually Nick would hold her in his arms and stand up and carry her into the bedroom so he could greet her properly.

That was when their weekend really began. They spent nearly all morning in bed, usually. Nick could never seem to get enough of her. He wasn't sure if it was because he was nineteen and couldn't get enough sex ever, or if it was because he was hopelessly in love with Jennifer Mapplethorpe and only being able to see her on the weekends was causing him to grow a bit obsessed with her. It was probably a mix of both.

But weekends were their quiet, magical time. They had the flat all to themselves and didn't need to sneak around like they did when Nick lived at home, the both of them trying to keep quiet so Jen's mother wouldn't catch them when they were in Jen's room or god forbid the twins caught them when they were in Nick's room. Now, they had a place of their own and could be free together.

For Jen, it was all very grown up. Being a proper adult on the weekends. Living with Nick for just those days. She loved taking a little nap after they were all sweaty and sated, waking up in his big strong arms. Kissing him and lazing around in bed till lunchtime. Getting out of bed and wandering around the flat completely naked or, if it was cold, donning one of Nick's shirts that barely covered her. The way he smiled at her fixing sandwiches for them in the kitchen. Sitting down for a meal like they were grown and living together and this was the most regular thing in the world. It was all like some beautiful fantasy life. And it may have only been for Saturday and Sunday until she had to take the bus back home, but it was actually real. It was all real. And they were just getting started.

"Three more months," Nick murmured, stroking her hair as her head rested on his chest.

Jen smiled. They were snuggled on the sofa watching telly before Jen had to leave to catch the bus. "Three more months. Oh gosh, can you imagine it? I can't wait. I'll get my VCE and apply to the state police and as soon as my mum lets me, I'll be moving in here," she said excitedly.

"You could start bringing things over, if you want," he suggested. "I never bothered filling up half the drawers or the closet so I didn't have to worry about making space for your things when the time came. So if you want to bring a bag of clothes or books or whatever next weekend, we can start putting things away."

"Really?"

"Yeah, of course. I know you only live here on weekends for now, but this is gonna be your home as much as it is mine soon enough. Until we can find a bigger place."

She lifted her head up and grinned. "This place is perfect for now. We don't need any more space than this. Not till we have kids, I think."

Nick leaned in and kissed her. "I can't wait to have kids with you. We should probably be married first, right?"

Jen shrugged. "I guess so, yeah. And I know we'll want to wait a couple years and get a bit more settled in the job, the both of us, before we think about babies, but honestly, I can't wait for us to have a family one day."

"You're gonna be a great mum."

"And you're gonna be a great dad. And we can name our son Richard after your dad. And I want to name a girl Elizabeth because I just think that Lizzie Buchanan is the sweetest name."

Nick laughed, "I think you're getting a little ahead of yourself, Jen."

She shrugged. "Maybe. But it's fun to think about, don't you think? I mean, in three months, the rest of our life gets to start for real. No more of me dying five days a week just so I can come see you. No more of you being picked on for being the brand new rookie."

"I don't get picked on!"

"I thought you said that one detective liked to make fun of you."

"Oh no, he's just like that. Sparkes is a dickhead, but he's a good cop. Just a bit rough around the edges. Though I hope he doesn't run into you," he said cryptically.

Jen narrowed her eyes. "Why?"

"Because he's not very nice to the girls sometimes and I think you'll quicker get thrown out for punching him in the nose than anything else."

She pursed her lips disapprovingly. "I'm not a child anymore, Nick. I don't resort to violence to solve my problems."

"Well, with Wilton Sparkes, you might want to." He pulled her back into his arms. "But enough of that. You were going to tell me about your final term paper for your history class. How's that going?"

"I don't want to talk about that. Let's just watch telly," she replied sharply. And in truth, she didn't want to tell Nick about things at school. She felt like such a fool sometimes, still being a student when he was off wearing a uniform and being a cop. Nick had always been a year older, but he'd never made her feel like she was less than he was. And he still didn't. But when they were both students, she'd always been smarter and got better grades; they were on even footing most of the time. Now, the differences between their stations in life was stark, and it bothered her. It shouldn't, she knew, but it still did. But it was only three more months until she'd be done with school and moving in with him and they'd be even once again.

Nick could see she was in some sort of a mood, though what it was, he wasn't quite sure. But pushing her never worked very well. So he just let her be, pressing a kiss to her head and holding her tight. Because this was all they had, for now. It was Sunday, and Jen would have to go back home in about an hour.

And then, before they knew it, it would be Monday once again.


	11. Chapter 11

Nick had wanted to ask her. He wanted to be the man he knew he'd become and be brave and direct and say exactly what he wanted and ask her. But when the moment came, the words just wouldn't come out. He saw her face and thought about all that she'd gone through and he just couldn't do it. It would have been selfish to ask. She would have probably said yes but hated it, would have resented him for bothering to ask and knowing that she wouldn't refuse him because she loved him too much to say no.

And so he needed another plan. The day was fast approaching when he'd need to make the decision. Nick had even gotten so desperate, he asked his sisters for help. Jill and Tara dragged him all around the shops as he cursed his very existence. They were sixteen now, and had grown up to be frightfully clever and, in Nick's opinion, pure evil. But they were his sisters and they helped when it really counted. Unfortunately, this time they spent more time bickering between themselves and picking things that Nick couldn't hope to afford if he saved his money for an entire lifetime. In the end, he wandered away from them and found something of his own. It wasn't much, but it caught his eye and he could be proud of it.

Finally the day arrived. Jen was practically buzzing with excitement, finally finishing school and attending the party the Buchanans graciously threw for her in their backyard—after all, their yard was much larger than next door, and over the years, Nancy Buchanan and Marlene Mapplethorpe had created one big family with all their children being raised together. It only made sense that all the friends would come over and celebrate in the big backyard under the shade of the old treehouse still up in those branches.

Nick was nervous, Jen could tell. Why, she wasn't sure. Perhaps he didn't like being home again after living on his own for a whole year. Come to think of it, Jen wasn't entirely sure if he'd been back in the house since he moved out, except for Easter and Christmas.

"You okay?" she asked, taking his arm and giving him a comforting squeeze.

He smiled down at her. "'Course." Nick leaned over to kiss her temple. Across the way, Jill and Tara were pointing and giggling to themselves. He glared in their general direction before turning Jen and himself away from them. "Having fun? It is your party, after all."

Jen shrugged. "I guess. I'm glad to be done. Really glad. And it's so sweet of your mum to throw a party for me. But honestly, I just wanted to be done with school so we could hurry up and start our lives together. I want every night to be Saturday and every morning to be Sunday. No more lonely Mondays," she said with a grin. She pulled Nick down to kiss her.

"Come on, let's get some food," Nick suggested. He didn't want to be alone with her just yet. Didn't want her to see how petrified he was.

As they went to the extravagant buffet of food that Nancy and Nick and Tara and Jill had cooked up over three days, Jen teasingly asked Nick, "So what did you get me?"

"Oh was I supposed to get you something? Other than throwing a party for you?" he asked in return.

Jen turned and stood on her tiptoes to sneak another kiss. "Well if you didn't get me a gift to unwrap, I suppose you can just cook me dinner when I move to the flat next week, how about that?"

"I'll do that, too, but I do actually have a gift for you. Sort of. But…erm…it's more of a private thing," he replied awkwardly, leaning close to her to speak quietly.

Jen's eyes lit up at the idea of all the salacious things he could give her in private. She bit her bottom lip and blushed ever so slightly as she suggested, "Treehouse tonight? After everyone's gone to bed?" They'd never actually had sex in the treehouse, that magical place of their youth. But it would make sense, certainly. It was the one place they always had that was just for them. And this was the last time for quite a while that they'd both be here to use it. It might be a bit cold and cramped, now that they were fully grown, but Jen had every confidence that she and Nick could make it quite cozy.

"Yeah," he nodded, "Treehouse tonight."

And so, late that night, when Jen's mother had given her one last hug and told her how proud she was and gone off to bed, and when Nick's sisters were in their room and his mother had long gone to sleep, the two of them snuck out to the old treehouse.

Nick got there first, surprisingly. He'd told Jill and Tara where he was going, asking them—begging them—to give him and Jen some privacy and to make sure Mum didn't come looking for him. And thankfully, the twins agreed to cover for him. He was glad that the treehouse was small, or else he'd be pacing like a madman. As it was, his foot was bouncing uncontrollably with anxiety. Oh this was a horrible mistake, surely. Jen was going to laugh in his face and call him an idiot. He was an idiot. There was a reason he he'd kept this a secret except from his sisters; they were twits anyway, their opinions weren't too important.

"Hey, why are you wearing pants?"

He looked up from his fidgeting hands to see Jennifer climb up into the treehouse. "What?"

She laughed. "Is that the gift for me to unwrap? You?"

Suddenly Nick understood what she meant. "Oh Christ, no!"

Jen glared at him with a stony expression. "Oh, sorry. Didn't realize our sex life would be so horrific for you," she replied sardonically.

He sighed, "No, that's not what I meant. I just…come on, Jen, it's old and probably not structurally sound. The last thing we need is to have it collapse on top of us and fall from the tree while we're shagging."

That made her laugh again. Nick exhaled in relief. Good. She was laughing. She should be in a good mood.

"Jen, you know how I feel about you, right?"

She smiled. "I think so."

Nick's heart was pounding in his chest. He scrambled a bit, getting up from where he sat so he could kneel on one knee in front of her and search his pockets. He nearly fell over in his haste to present her with the small, delicate ring. "I wanted to give you my mother's ring. The one my dad proposed to her with. They were happy and in love and really young when they got together, too, so I thought it was fitting. But she still wears it, see, and I didn't want to ask her to take it off to give to me for you, even though I'm sure she'd have said yes. She loves you, of course. But it just didn't feel right to ask her," he babbled. "I actually had my sisters help me find a ring for you. They weren't any help at all, really, but I thought this one looked like you. And it's all I can afford right now. I know it's small, but it is a real diamond and real gold. And I'll get you a better one as soon as I make a little more money, I promise. I just didn't want to wait that long."

"Nick!"

Jen's sharp voice cut through his unending prattle, thankfully. He had been staring at the ring in his hand the whole time he awkwardly monologued at her. Now that she'd interrupted, he looked up at her. She had tears welling up in her eyes. And that was when he realized that he hadn't actually said the important part. He hadn't asked her yet. "Jennifer Mapplethorpe, will you marry me?"

She swallowed hard, trying in vain to blink away the tears. "Are you sure?" she asked. "I mean, now?"

"I love you more than anything. I want us to be together forever. And now that you're done with school and we're moving in together, I just feel like we shouldn't have to wait anymore. So…uh…" He trailed off, not knowing where to go from there, desperately waiting for her response and beginning to sweat with panic over it.

"Nick, we're so young. And forever is a long time. How do you know how we're going to feel in a year, in ten years?" she asked him, her voice cracking as she struggled not to cry.

But in a voice as strong and as sure as his feelings, Nick told her, "Jen, I am gonna love you till the day I die. And as we get older, I'm sure that love will grow and change and whatever, but I will always, always love you."

Jen leaned forward where she sat so that her lips collided with his. She kissed him with everything she had. And in between, she murmured over and over, "Yes. Yes, yes, yes."

Nick pulled back slightly. "Yes?"

"Yes, Nick Buchanan, of course I'll marry you."

He broke out into a beaming grin, laughing cathartically. He took her left hand and slid the ring onto her finger. It looked beautiful on her. The gold band was two twisting tendrils and the smallest circle-cut diamond imaginable, but on her elegant hand, it looked dainty and beautiful. Nick pressed a kiss to where Jen now wore her engagement ring. "I love you," he whispered.

And all Jen could do was smile.


	12. Chapter 12

"I think we should curl it. It's so shiny and pretty, it'll look so good with curls!"

"No, stupid, we can't curl it, it'll go limp in two seconds."

"So what do we do!?"

Jen looked up from the letter in her hands, the one she'd been staring at nearly nonstop for two days. She grabbed a puffy white lace hair band off her vanity table and held it up to the bickering pair behind her. "Put it up with this. That's why I bought it."

"Oh my gosh, Jen, this is perfect!"

Jen just rolled her eyes. Jill and Tara, Nick's sisters, had insisted that they not only should be bridesmaids, but they wanted to do Jen's hair and makeup for the wedding. They were very feminine and very interested in things like that. Jen could not care less. Obviously she wanted to look good for her wedding; she'd bought the dress less than a week after Nick proposed, knowing exactly what she wanted. But the rest of it didn't concern her too much.

Jill started combing and teasing Jen's hair while Tara started putting foundation on Jen's face. Jen herself went back to rereading her letter. She'd been accepted into the Victoria State Police. She knew her application was good, all her scores and qualifications were far above the required standard, but there was no way to know for sure until she got the letter. It looked just like the one Nick got the year before. And now they'd be cops together.

She still couldn't believe how everything was all working out so perfectly. After Nick proposed, Jen spent her last two days at home packing up all of her things before officially moving in to his flat—their flat. She'd had some free time to fix it up to her liking, to improve her cooking skills, to welcome Nick home from his shift by greeting him completely naked at the door. She was glad she'd get to wear a police uniform soon; she knew her way around it quite well now, having spent the last month taking one off her fiancé every day.

Nick had also invited her out with his coworkers, letting her get to know his friends and becoming a part of their group. They were all around the same age, applied to the state police within about three years of finishing school. Jen was glad they'd warmed up to her immediately and that she'd hopefully get to work with some of them. One lad in particular, Duncan was his name, had become a great friend to Nick and to her, and he'd happily accepted the position of being Nick's best man.

Jen watched Tara and Jill in the mirror, smiling at their progress. They really were quite good at this. In no time, they were finished, and Jen had never felt so pretty in all her life. Her hair was pulled up into a big bun atop her head, fastened by the hair band with her veil attached to it. Her eyelids were covered in some shimmering gray shadow with some brown liner and black mascara to make her turquoise-gray eyes pop. Her cheeks were dusted with a rosy blush, and her lips were coated in dewy pink lipstick.

"How do you like it?" Jill asked expectantly.

"It's really wonderful, girls, thank you!"

Tara beamed with pride. "Come on, lets go drive to the church and we can get dressed there."

Jennifer had just gotten her drivers permit, so she took them all over the old church that was a staple for the Buchanan family. It was the first church Jen had ever been inside, when they'd attended Richard Buchanan's funeral. But since she'd started dating Nick, she'd gone with the family to Easter and Christmas mass, and she found she didn't mind it much at all. And she was glad that this was where they'd be getting married.

It was all such a whirlwind, finishing school and getting engaged and applying to the state police and moving in with Nick and getting married all in the span of three months. It was everything she'd ever wanted, of course, but it still was a lot to adjust to. And she was rather surprised that there hadn't been more resistance. Nancy Buchanan had been overjoyed by the news—likely because she wasn't the biggest fan of her son living in sin with the neighbor girl. But Jennifer's own mother had merely asked if she was sure, if there was anything that would talk her out of it. And when Jen said no, Marlene Mapplethorpe just sighed and kissed her forehead and wished her luck, saying that it seemed rather inevitable.

Jen did have to agree there. It did feel rather inevitable. Nick had said something like that when they'd first admitted their feelings to each other, that this felt like it, like it was always supposed to be the two of them. And he was right, it did feel like their whole lives had been leading up to this moment, the two of them getting married and being together for real. This was the beginning of the rest of their lives. And as daunting as that was for Jennifer at two weeks shy of nineteen years old, she couldn't find a single doubt in her mind. After all, this was Nick. Of course they were getting married. Perhaps they were a bit young, but what did that matter when this was the predestined course of their lives? They were meant to be together, and this was just the first step.

Nick paced back and forth in his rented tuxedo, trying not to let Dunny get to him. At the moment, Constable Duncan Freeman was rattling off all the horrible things that might happen during the ceremony.

"She could trip and break her arm. You could get caught off guard and stumble into a candle, lighting your arse on fire. She could get one look at you and run away. Or you could get one look at her and faint, knocking your head on something and get blood all over the church."

"How come she'd run away and not me? How come she wouldn't faint?" Nick teased back.

Duncan just gave his signature cheeky grin. "Because you're alright, mate, but she's perfect. You never know when she'll figure out she could do better."

Nick shrugged. "She probably could."

"But she won't. Because she's Jen. And I've spent enough time with the two of you to know this is right. Christ, mate, I thought you were already married the first time I met you. It's like you've been together for over a decade."

"Well we have," Nick realized aloud. "Sort of. She moved in next door when I was seven and we've been best friends ever since. But we've been dating just over four years now. Barely spent a day apart."

Dunny clapped his friend on the shoulder. "She's the one, isn't she?"

"'Course she is," Nick replied.

"Well then I think it's time you married her."

And with that, they got ready for their cue and let the altar boys usher them into the chapel. The priest stood there, helping remind Nick where to stand. After all, they'd only had the one rehearsal the day before, and he was far too distracted by his excitement to marry Jennifer to pay any attention to Father Morton.

Before he knew it, Tara and Jill walked down the aisle wearing their matching emerald green satin dresses with the puffy shoulders Nick knew they'd been so excited for. They both grinned like mad at him as they took their place on the other side of the alter. And then the organ player began the wedding march. Everyone stood up and the back doors opened.

In the back of his mind, Nick wanted to kill Duncan. Because he'd been right. Nick nearly did faint upon seeing Jennifer. She was absolutely stunning. She was always beautiful, with her golden skin and her silky blonde hair and her big, expressive eyes and her sharp cheekbones and her full lips and her trim figure and her long legs and her swaying hips. But now she was in a wedding dress. And she was walking down the aisle to marry him.

The dress was quite a surprise. Jen hadn't given him a single hint about what she'd chosen, just that she'd spent quite a bit of her savings on it and she loved trying it on. It was off the shoulder and the bodice was form-fitting and overlaid with white lace. The skirt was a puffy ballgown of tulle reaching down to the floor. She looked like an angel. No, a princess. No…she looked like Jennifer. Jennifer as a happy bride.

Nick held out his hand, trembling slightly, to help her up the stairs to the altar. And from then on, Jen looked into his hazel green eyes and saw him smile and blink back tears, and she was utterly lost. She had no memory whatsoever of anything Father Morton said. She repeated the words where she was supposed to. She said, "I do." She held placed the wedding band on Nick's finger and let him slip the wedding band onto her own finger to join her tiny little beautiful engagement ring. They kissed and the roar of cheers and applause filled her brain. She could barely even kiss him, she was smiling so much. "Nick," she whispered against his mouth, still not done kissing him.

He pulled away slightly, beaming with joy. "Yeah?"

"Nick, we're married!"

And he just laughed, kissing her one last time. "Yeah, we are."

Everyone made their way to the little reception. It was held in the church hall. The food was barely passable. The champagne ran out far too soon. The band was rather terrible. But everyone seemed to have a wonderful time. There was dancing and laughing and joy everywhere.

Nick danced with each of his sisters, his mother, and his new mother-in-law. Jen danced with some of Nick's cousins and with Duncan, who teased her and made her laugh so much she could barely stand upright. When Nick finally got to cut in to dance with his wife, he nearly burst into happy tears.

"Oh my god," he said in realization.

"What?"

"You're my wife!"

Jen laughed, "I know! And you're my husband!"

"Jesus, I love you, Jen."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned up to kiss him. "I love you, too," she murmured before their lips met.

At the end of the evening, everyone was starting to head home. Nick told Jen he had a surprise for them, though she couldn't imagine what it might be. After all, they couldn't go on a honeymoon. They were too broke for that, and Nick couldn't take time off work, and Jen was starting police training soon. She thought maybe he got a hotel room for them, but something told her that wasn't it; he was too excited about it, and she knew for a fact that he couldn't afford any place that would warrant that sort of twinkle in his eye.

Jen followed her husband to his car. He wouldn't say where they were going, but Jen recognized right away that they were heading back to the neighborhood where they grew up. "Nick, what is this?"

"Alright, well, my family and your mother are staying in a hotel tonight. I wanted to make sure the houses were empty. It's our wedding night and I wanted it to be special, after all."

"Sure…" she replied hesitantly.

He parked in the driveway of his childhood home. Nick got out of the car and opened the door for Jen, taking her hand. "Come on."

Hand in hand, they ran through the space between the two houses, exactly the way they did on that first night Jen had moved in and met her new friend. Nick opened the gate. Jen paused to take off her fancy shoes and hike up her dress so she could run with him. She saw now what his plan was, and she nearly wept with the beautiful sentimentality of it.

Nick went up the old ladder first and scrambled around to turn on a few switches. Jen followed him up and saw that their childhood treehouse, the place of their first kiss and first exchanges of love and their engagement, had been transformed. Everything was covered in sparkling fairy lights and white rose petals. The smell of it was magical.

"Oh my god, Nick," she breathed.

"We haven't been up here since I put that ring on your finger. But I checked it out, and it's just as sturdy as it always was. And you gave me an idea the last time we were up here. I know it's not a fancy honeymoon suite or even a real bed, but…"

"It's perfect," she assured him. "This is perfect, Nick. This is exactly where we should be spending our wedding night."

And so up in the old treehouse, their marriage was consummated amidst soft blankets and pillows, the scent of rose surrounding them, the twinkling of fairy lights and the stars illuminating each other. Nick and Jen, husband and wife, fell asleep in each other's arms and woke up with the sun, greeting the world with slightly stiff muscles and the smiles of newly married life.


	13. Chapter 13

Constable Nick Buchanan entered his flat as quietly as possible. He gently placed his keys on the table and left his hat and shoes by the door. As he walked through the living room and down the hall to the bedroom, he began unbuttoning the shirt of his uniform. He stripped down to his trunks and crawled into bed, too exhausted to do anything else.

"How was your shift?"

Nick smiled. "You're supposed to be asleep," he whispered.

Jen rolled over onto her side to face him, reaching out to touch his face. "I wanted to wait up for you. Nearly didn't make it. How come you're so late?" she asked.

"I volunteered to do a little overtime. The detectives busted a whole prostitution ring and I helped with the processing," he explained.

Jen chuckled lightly. "And how many prozzies flirted with you this time?"

Nick growled, "Nearly a dozen."

This, of course, made Jen laugh rather heartily. "You're very good looking, Nick. I'm sure they think they can sweet talk you."

"I tell them all exactly the same thing." He lifted his left hand and wiggled his fingers, his wedding ring glinting in the pale light from the streetlamp outside their window. "I'm very happily married."

"And I'm sure they tell you that you're too young to know that there's more out there than just your wife, right?" she teased.

"Some of them, yeah. I can't tell you how many offers of 'experience' I've gotten since being assigned to Vice."

Jen just laughed some more.

"It doesn't bother you, does it?" he asked suddenly. They'd talked before about how the prostitutes he arrested usually flirted with him, as they usually did with most cops, but some women wouldn't like the idea of prostitutes flirting with their husbands.

"No, sweetheart, it doesn't bother me," she assured him. "I know you're very attractive, not just to me, and criminals are going to do whatever they can to get out of an arrest. And I'm certainly not threatened by a prozzie."

"Not at all?"

She scoffed, "No, not at all. I know what you like, and I think I can handle you in bed better than a professional."

"Better than a professional, eh?"

"Well, you know I like a bit of experimenting," she reminded him. "I don't think there's anything we can't try. And I won't charge you for it."

Now it was Nick's turn to laugh. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her sweetly. "I've got the best wife in the world," he murmured.

"Yes you do," she agreed. "And even the prozzies agree that I've got the best husband."

They cuddled for a little while, quietly holding each other in the middle of the night in their martial bed. Nick was running through his day in his head, thinking if there was anything else he wanted to tell Jen. "Oh why were you waiting up for me?" he asked, suddenly remembering that she was awake when he got home, despite the fact that he was working nights for the month and they'd agreed not to try to make sacrifices of sleep they both needed; Jen went to sleep before Nick got home, she woke up while he was still in bed, and they saw each other for lunch or coffee at the station whenever they could to make up for it.

"I wanted to tell you the good news," she said, smiling again as she remembered what she wanted to tell him.

"You're pregnant?" he asked, mildly horrified.

"No, but we can discuss that in a minute," she replied, her brow furrowed at his reaction. "No, I had my first arrest today!"

"You did? Oh Jen, that's fantastic! Tell me all about it," Nick answered excitedly.

Jen described how it all happened. She was working on the Drug squad and assisting on a raid. The detectives and more experienced uniformed officers surrounded the suspected dealer's house and burst in. Jen was waiting off to the side, out of the way of the action, as her sergeant had ordered. But one of their suspects escaped through a window near where Jen was standing. He hadn't seen her as he leapt to the ground, and Jen was ready with her cuffs. She slammed him against the wall, cuffed and frisked him, and found cocaine and a gun on him.

Nick kissed his wife, grinning with pride. "God, what a great first arrest. You're incredible."

"Thank you. I was really excited to tell you in person. I didn't want to just leave a message on your work phone," she explained. "But now that we've gone over that, I think we need to discuss the other," Jen insisted, shifting the conversation again.

"Can't we just go to sleep and deal with it another time?" he asked with a small groan.

"No, Nick, we're married and we need to be open about our future and our family."

"Yeah, you're right," he agreed. "I didn't mean to be so afraid of you being pregnant. You know I want us to have babies eventually. I just feel like now isn't the right time."

"You're right."

"Yeah? Did you used to say you wanted to start trying after two years on the force?"

Jen remembered that plan of hers. She'd been on the force almost a full year now and loved it more than she'd ever imagined she could. "I don't think two years is realistic. I mean, there's no need for us to become parents before we're twenty-five, don't you think?"

Nick hesitated. She was right, on the one hand. They were still really young; Nick had just turned twenty-one two months ago. But they'd gotten such an early start on their married life that he'd assumed they'd have kids young, too. And twenty-five seemed like so far away from where they were now. "I guess you're right."

"You guess?"

"I dunno, I mean do we really have to put a timetable one it? Can't we just see when it feels right?"

Jen gave a sad sort of smile and caressed his cheek. "I don't know if something like this ever feels right, sweetheart," she said, an air of wisdom about her that Nick didn't quite recognize. "I think we have to just make the decision at some point. We both want kids, it's just a question of when. And right now, with my career just getting started, I don't want to let anything get in the way of that. So as long as we're still careful like we have been, we can just decide. Maybe before we're twenty-five. But I do want to be promoted out of a uniform before I get pregnant."

"Not very flattering, those uniforms," he teased.

"Well yes, but I don't think we can afford another mouth to feed till one of us makes better money, nor can I afford the time off when I'm still fighting for promotion."

Nick looked at her curiously. "So you think you can make detective before you're twenty-five?"

Jen smirked. "Oh I know I can. And you probably can, too. You're a great cop, Nick, and I know you're well-liked. I can't tell you how often people like me better when they find out you're my husband."

"All that's true for both of us, Jen. It makes me pretty popular, being married to Constable Mapplethorpe."

She just rolled her eyes, knowing that no one actually really knew her on the force yet. But they would eventually, she hoped. Jen had never been one to seek the spotlight, but she knew her exemplary work spoke for itself. She had earned a reputation in school for her hard work and intelligence, and she anticipated the same being true as a cop.

When she didn't reply, Nick kissed her again. "I love you, Constable Mapplethorpe. I love that you're my wife, and I love being you're husband."

Jen deepened their kiss, rolling them over so she lay on top of him. Nick's hands traced her skin beneath her sleep shirt. She pulled away, adjusting herself so she straddled him. "I love you too, Constable Buchanan. And perhaps you can be a good husband and make love to your wife."

"We really should get some sleep," he suggested. The glint in his eye, however, betrayed his true feelings on the matter.

She wiggled herself on top of him, eliciting a groan as he started to get more and more aroused. Jen pulled off her top and leaned down to press her breasts against his bare chest. "I don't mind being tired tomorrow," she whispered, kissing him again.


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Note: M-rating for this chapter**

Nick got home from his shift just before dinner. He hated that he couldn't take time off for the day, but he'd been out the week before with a bad flu, so he'd missed enough. And if he was going to make detective as soon as he hoped, he was going to have to put in as many hours as he could to show his worth to the brass.

"Jen, I'm home!" he announced, hanging up his hat by the door and unbuttoning the top two buttons on his uniform.

"In here," she called back.

And wasn't that interesting? She'd taken the day off and promised him she had plans, but what those plans were, she hadn't said. Recently, she'd been trying more adventurous recipes in the kitchen. Nick had privately hoped that she'd make them something really wonderful for dinner. But her voice sounded from down the hall of their tiny flat.

Wildly curious—and a bit excited—Nick hurried toward their bedroom. There, lying in their bed, was Jennifer. The sheet was pulled up over her chest, but her arms and shoulders were bare. Her long golden hair was fanned out over the pillow. She smiled as he stared at her. Her eyes locked with his as she sat up, letting the sheet fall away and revealing her upper half completely bare. "Happy anniversary, Nick," she said softly.

He grinned, eyes raking over her beautiful naked body. "This is what you did for my seventeenth birthday."

She nodded. "Our first time."

"Nice to have history repeat itself."

"Well, we're a lot better at this now, I think," she noted.

"God, I'm so glad I married you."

Jen matched his joyful expression. "Five years, sweetheart. You still love me?"

Nick laughed, "Yes, honey, I do. More than ever."

"Good. Then show me," she taunted, reaching out her arms to him.

"I intend to," he growled in response. As quickly as he could, Nick started unbuttoning the rest of his shirt.

"Wait," she insisted, "Go slowly. I want to watch you."

It made him a bit self-conscious, having her hungry eyes focus on him so intently. But he followed her instruction, taking his time as he removed his shirt and shoes and trousers and trunks until he was fully nude and half hard in front of her. "Can I join you in bed now?" he asked.

A proud smirk crossed her lips. "Yes please."

Nick climbed over the bed and joined his wife under the covers. Five whole years they'd been married. The time seemed to fly by. Being on the force together—in different divisions, but still in the same building—and living together in their little haven of married life and going out with their friends and just sharing this life together. It was all Nick had ever wanted. He didn't even know it's all he wanted. But he came home every single day to the woman he loved and never wanted for anything. Oh of course they had fights here and there, when Nick got a bit too fastidious and annoyed Jennifer with his picking up after her, or when Jennifer tried to cook but ended up ruining their meal and Nick chided her for wasting food. But other than such petty squabbles borne of people living together, they had a happy marriage and a happy life. And after five years, they'd developed a routine and a lifestyle that seemed to suit them both perfectly.

Jen immediately wrapped her arms and legs around her husband. They lay facing each other, holding one another close. She started kissing him, unable to resist for even a moment. Jen thought, sometimes, that all she wanted in the entire world was to lie naked with Nick and kiss him till the day she died. The way their mouths moved together, from their years of perfecting the technique together. The way their hands skimmed over each other's skin, mapping out the well-known expanses of their bodies. The way Nick would always groan when Jen pressed her breasts against him. The way he would squeeze her ass and grind her against his hardness to make her whimper with want. These were all tried and true methods, things they'd done a hundred times over the course of their five-year marriage. And yet despite the frequency of such things, Jen had yet to ever feel bored by their love life. The sex was utterly incredible every time. Perhaps it was just because they were still young, or perhaps it was because they loved and trusted each other enough to get and give exactly what they wanted and needed. Whatever it was, Jennifer Mapplethorpe wanted to stay in this bed with her husband forever.

"I love you," Nick murmured between kisses. He moved his mouth to her neck and breasts. He had one hand tangled in her hair and the other moving down her waist and hip, lifting her thigh to wrap around him to give him access where he wanted. Nick wasted no time stroking her, tracing her folds with his fingers and dipping inside to spread her wetness.

Jen moaned and bucked against his hand. "Quit teasing," she gasped, urging for more contact, for him to touch her where she needed him.

"You like it," he replied before his teeth nipped her breast.

She threw her head back and dug her fingernails into his muscled shoulders. "Please, Nick."

He kissed his way back up her neck and sucked on her earlobe before whispering, "All you ever have to do is ask." He then plunged two fingers deep inside her, curling and thrusting to give her what she wanted. His thumb vibrated against her clit in a well-practiced rhythm. He could feel her inner walls begin to flutter. "Come for me, Jen," he commanded.

With a high-pitched moan, she shattered. Pleasure radiated through her body in pulsating waves. "Oh god, I love you," she groaned. Her orgasm was starting to dissipate, and Nick removed his hand. His finger were wet as he grabbed her ass and repositioned her. His cock was poised at her entrance. Jen rubbed against him, readying them both.

There was no conversation as he thrust inside her, slowly and carefully. They were both breathing heavily as Jen adjusted to his size and Nick got control of himself. He pulled out of her just as slowly as he'd gone in. Jen whimpered and moaned at the torturous pace of his movements. But this was their anniversary, and Nick wanted to make sure it was special, wanted it to last for them both. Jen met his rhythm, canting her hips with each of his thrusts. They moved together, gyrating their on their sides, their bodies wrapped around each other as close as they could be.

Jen felt her buildup slow and methodical. She was bathed in sweat by the time she even got close. And Nick continued the same pace. He seemed to go for hours, though how long it really was, she had no idea. But every single touch was so good. It was never-ending. And when her climax crashed over her, it wasn't the same powerful tumbling as earlier; the pleasure was as slow and sustained as its buildup. Jennifer thought her soul had left her body as her mind was left devoid of anything but deep and unending pleasure. Nick continued on and on and on, making her come twice more before she even knew it. And when she felt her extremities numb and her throat dry and hoarse from her uncontrolled moans and panting breaths, Nick jerked sharply and came deep inside her.

They held each other as their movements stilled. They were both bathed in sweat. Their hearts were thundering rapidly in time with each other as they both struggled to catch their breath. Eventually, Nick slipped out of her and flopped onto his back. Jen did the same, but reached out to find his hand. She laced their fingers together and brought his hand up to her lips.

"How's that for an anniversary?" he asked, finally regaining the power of speech.

She chuckled breathily. "Works pretty well for me. I was going to make us dinner after, but I think I'm too tired."

"I'll order Chinese when I can move again."

"It can wait," she said, rolling over to snuggle against him. There was a bit of a wet patch on the bed, but what else was new? She'd change the sheets when she got up to shower later. Eventually. "You think we'll always be like this?" she wondered aloud.

Nick softly kissed her hair, his hand lazily traveling up and down her spine. "I hope so."

"It's been five years."

"Five years of a lifetime isn't that long at all, when you think about it."

Jen just nodded against him. They'd come so far, but they still had so far to go. But marriage was forever. And Jen knew that she and Nick were forever. In her mind, there was no other possible outcome. Forever stretched ahead of them, and as they lie sated in their bed, forever seemed a rather nice prospect.


	15. Chapter 15

Jen jogged into the bar across the street from police headquarters. She was late, she knew, and she wished she hadn't promised she'd go. But it had been too long since she'd had a night out with her mates. So despite wishing she could just stay at her desk and work her case, Jen put that aside for the night and hurried to the bar.

"There she is! Detective Mapplethorpe!" Nick greeted loudly. He was smiling and a bit red in the face and a bit louder than usual. Jen had to laugh, seeing her husband a bit drunk.

"Good evening, Detective Buchanan," she said, giving him a quick kiss hello. "And Detective Freeman, nice to see you!"

Duncan came to give Jen a hug. "Been a long time, Jen. We weren't sure you were gonna make it," he teased.

"Well, I'm a detective now. You guys know what it's like," she defended.

Nick was standing beside her with his arm looped around her waist. "We're all detectives now, but none of us work the hours that you do," he noted.

Jen frowned. "Really?"

He laughed, "Jen, I work Vice and most of my arrests happen after midnight, and I'm still usually home before you."

"Jesus, Jennifer, do you even sleep anymore?" Duncan asked, joining in Nick's laughter.

Now Jen was starting to get annoyed. "I think I need a drink."

"Here comes our next round now. Si, go get one more. Jen's just joined us," Duncan said to the blonde man who came by carrying three beers.

"So you're the famous Jen! I'm Simon Joyner. Detective on Drugs with Dunny. I've heard a lot about you!" Simon put the pints on the high-top table the group had crowded around and wiped his beer-soaked hand on his shirt before shaking Jen's.

"Hi there, nice to meet you," Jen greeted politely.

Nick grabbed one of the glasses and put it in front of Jen. "Here, you take this, Simon can go get one for himself."

"Or I could drink yours and Simon can have his own and you can go get another one," Jen said, giving Nick a good-natured smack on the chest. "I want to talk to Simon."

"You don't want to talk to me?"

"I see you every day. Simon's new."

Nick gave a melodramatic sigh. "Bored of me already."

Jen gave a cheeky grin and grabbed his chin to give him a kiss. "Never, sweetheart. Just go get the beer."

She watched Nick walk away, smiling softly to see her husband look so professional in his slacks and button-down shirt and tie. He looked so handsome like this, his sleeves rolled up when he was off the clock. He always looked good, but seeing him grown up and out of that uniform pleased her more than she could say.

"Wow, Dunny was right, you two are a bit nauseating."

Jen turned her attention back to the table where Simon was grinning and Duncan laughing hysterically. "I don't even care. We've been married seven years, and I hope we're always this madly in love. We're happy, and that's all that matters," she told them, standing up straight and squaring her shoulders defiantly.

"Sure love's great, but don't you feel like you two left the party after half a drink? Simon and I, we go to a different party every night."

"Well my husband and I are both detectives in the state police and have the equivalent of steak dinner in bed about four times a week. When you two get gonorrhea from your version of cheap burgers, we'll see who's having a better time at the party."

Nick returned to the table with his beer to find his mates all roaring with laughter. "What did I miss?"

"Just defending our marriage, sweetheart," Jen said rather smugly as she sipped her beer.

The night continued in their group's typical fashion after that. Lots of laughter, swapping stories on closed cases, more beer than was really very advisable for a Wednesday. And it was that realization that caused Jennifer to suggest that it was time to call it a night after she'd had three beers and the rest of the boys were well on their way past six.

"Come on, you lot. Si, Dunny, I'll call you both cabs. I can drive Nick and me home."

"Nah, we're alright, Jen," Simon insisted. He was drunk but not completely out of it yet, and he was eyeing a tall blonde in the corner.

"We'll be fine." Duncan was smiling over at the blonde's ginger friend. "See you around." And with that, the two men went to make their moves.

Jen rolled her eyes. "Whatever brings you a bit of fun, I suppose."

"Let's go home, honey," Nick murmured, standing behind Jennifer with his arms wrapped around her middle and his face buried in her neck.

"Yes, let's go home."

It took a bit of doing to get Nick in the car. He was well past what Jen was used to when they drank together. Nick usually held it together better than this. She made him swear to warn her if he was feeling sick so he didn't vomit all over the car. But thankfully, they made it back to their flat without incident. Nick couldn't walk in a straight line and needed her assistance going up the stairs to their unit, but they managed.

"Have a bit of a rinse-off before bed, please. You smell like beer."

"That's because I drank a lot of beer," he quipped. "Are you mad I had a few?"

"You had more than a few, Nick. But no, I'm not mad. I'm just not used to you like this."

"Well I'm not used to you like this either," he fired back.

"What do you mean?"

"You work all the time. You were working late tonight and if I hadn't called you and begged you to come out, I think you'd still be at work."

"I know, but I like work! And I'm still getting used to things," she explained.

"You used to like me," Nick pouted.

"I still like you. In fact, I love you. But we've been together a long time, and we're solid. I've only been a detective for two months. It'll even out, sweetheart, I promise."

He sighed, "I just miss you is all."

"I have never spent a single night anywhere but in our bed curled up next to you. And the job isn't going to change that. I won't ever let anything change that. I promise." Jen leaned in to kiss him but quickly pulled away. "Oh god, please go brush your teeth, you're disgusting."

Nick laughed and went to the bathroom to clean up as his wife wanted. While he was in the shower, and his alcohol-hazed mind started to gain a bit of clarity, Nick reflected on what Jen had told him. He hadn't meant to complain about her hours. He had the beer to thank for that. But his feelings stood firm. He missed her terribly. Yes, she did spend every night—however short—at home in bed beside him, but that seemed to be the only time he did see her anymore. Not that he really resented her being made detective. She'd been promoted about six weeks after he had, and she was a whole year behind him on the force. She was one of the youngest detectives ever in the State Police. And Nick couldn't have been prouder of her. Unfortunately, she'd been moved off Drugs and into Fraud, which was a bit of a downgrade, but at least she was a detective now. And Fraud was a lot of detailed work that required a quick, focused mind. Perfect for Jen. Yes, she was great in the field, but Nick would by lying if he didn't admit that he preferred for his wife to be safe at her desk rather than living in constant danger. But the long hours were something he didn't want to have to get used to. Then again, Jen was probably right, it was just an adjustment and it would all even itself out. Everything would be fine.

He turned off the shower and toweled himself dry before brushing his teeth. He pulled on some sweatpants and went back into the bedroom. "Bathroom's free," he announced.

But Jen was already in bed. Or rather on the bed. She was sitting up against the pillows completely naked. "Take your trousers off," she commanded.

"Oh?" he asked with an intrigued smirk. This could get rather interesting.

"I need to get to work early, so we can't take too long. I thought I could get on top of you for a little while."

"Christ, I love you," he breathed, immediately feeling the first stirrings of arousal as he gazed at her hungry expression.

"Lie back, Nick. You know how this goes."

He did as he was told, lying flat on the bed. Jen crawled over him so her knees straddled his shoulders and her elbows propped her up beside his hips. She licked up and down his length before taking him in her mouth. Nick groaned loudly in appreciation before teasing her with his lips and tongue. He'd become well-practiced with this and loved to taste her when she came apart against his mouth. She started bucking against his face and let him fall from her mouth as she gasped with pleasure. But before she could go back down on him, Nick stopped her. "I want to be inside you," he growled.

Jen was perfectly happy with that arrangement. And as she braced herself on all fours and Nick entered her hard from behind, she couldn't help but feel quite pleased to have her steak dinner while Simon and Duncan were surely out with their drunken excuse for a burger. The metaphor wasn't the kindest thing she'd come up with, but the pleasurable indulgence that was her martial sex life was incomparable, she was rather certain. And by the time she and Nick were finished, tangled up together and catching their breath, Jen was still certain their was no other way she'd rather live than just like this.


	16. Chapter 16

Jealousy is an ugly color. That's what her grandmother used to say, when Jen was little and had a tendency to whine about being left out of the things her cousins got to do. And at the time, she had been too young to really understand it. At the time, all she could see was Christine and Doug and Louis with their brand new clothes and toys and holidays to Tasmania, and all Jen had was her mother struggling to get by.

Now, however, Jen understood far too well what it meant. Jealousy is an ugly color. It was ugly in that it fostered resentment in her heart. It was ugly in that it belittled her own sense of worth. It was ugly in that it blinded Jen and distracted her from the truth she knew in her heart. But nevertheless, there it was. Jealousy.

"What's wrong, honey?" Nick finally asked her. They were getting ready for bed one night, and Jen was unusually quiet.

"Nothing. I'm fine," she insisted. When of course, it wasn't nothing and she wasn't fine. But there was no way she'd ever tell Nick what was really bothering her. And wasn't that just the trouble, that she couldn't really tell anyone what was really bothering her.

Nick crawled across the bed to where she was sitting on the edge, rubbing lotion on her hands. He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her down so he was leaning over her. "Come on, you've been in a mood for days. What can I do?"

Jen reached up with her lotion-slick fingers and gently traced a line down his cheek. Always looking for an answer, a solution to the problem, a way he could fix things. He really cared, her Nick. Always had done. And that was why Jennifer couldn't possibly admit that the source of her mood was jealousy of him. "You're a good husband," she said simply.

He bowed his head over her and gave her an upside-down kiss. "You're a good wife."

"I'm not so sure about that, but I think it works for us, eh?" she teased.

Nick kissed her again. "I think so, yeah. Can you believe we're coming up on ten years?"

"Our nine-year anniversary was just over a month ago," Jen pointed out.

"Yeah, but that means our tenth is less than a year away." Nick unhanded her and helped her sit up so she could finish getting ready for bed. He sat back on his heels and watched her. "You happy, Jen?"

She turned her head to look at him, somewhat unnerved by the question. "Of course I'm happy. Are you?"

He nodded. "Of course. I've got almost everything I've ever wanted in the world."

"Almost?"

"Well, I've got good friends and a loving family. I've got a cheap rent on a flat that isn't too small for our needs. I'm a Homicide detective. Dream job right there. And I've got a wife I love more than anything in this world."

Jen tried not to visibly bristle at his happy list. "So what's missing?" she pressed.

Nick shrugged. "We've talked about it before. Having kids. It'll happen eventually. I'm in no rush."

And she knew that he meant it. He wasn't pressuring her in any way. And she did want to have children with him. It had been her somewhat girlish romantic fantasy for so very long. But real life and their jobs had taken precedence. "I'm just not ready yet," she said weakly.

"I know. It's fine. Like I said, there's no rush."

The couple settled into bed together. Nick leaned in to kiss her sweetly before turning out the light. He got himself comfortable, lying on his side facing her, as he nearly always did to fall asleep. Jen lay on her back and stared up at the dark shadows on the ceiling.

The jealousy, that horribly ugly color, stretched and groaned inside her chest. Jen knew better than to be childish about it, but in the quiet privacy of her own mind, she indulged. It just wasn't fair, that Nick could have everything he wanted in life and be so happy, and Jen herself was just so discontent. How could it be, that a married couple with so much goodness in their lives and the very best relationship imaginable could have such different feelings? Nick had good friends and family. Jen had that too. Nick had a cheap flat that suited him. Jen shared that. Nick had a spouse he was madly in love with. Jen certainly had that as well. But Nick was a detective on Homicide. Had been for almost a year now. And Jen was still stuck in Fraud. Nick had his dream job, and he had her dream job as well. All Jen had was a barely engaging position in a department that bored her to tears. She was better than this. She could do better. But now that her husband was on Homicide, the brass would never let her transfer there. And Nick wouldn't dare try to put in a good word for her—nepotism was frowned upon.

All Nick wanted was eventually to have a family with her. He'd gotten everything else he wanted. Jen couldn't even contemplate having babies anytime soon. Not when she felt her life lacked so much still. She wanted to be a great detective. She wanted to do work she cared about and feel like she made a difference. And she knew she was the shining star of Fraud, but after almost three years on the job, she almost didn't care if the hackers and identity thieves got away with it. She was stuck and she didn't know what to do. And so the ugly jealousy of all that her husband had that she couldn't get continued to grow and twist inside her.

The very next day, however, a possible solution was dropped right into her lap. Well, perhaps not a real possibility, but it was the first time in months that she felt the jealousy quelled for even a moment.

"You seen this, Jen?" Senior Sergeant O'Malley said, dropping a flyer on her desk.

She looked up at her commanding officer, Chris. "Sorry what's that?"

He pointed at the flyer. "SIS is looking for cop applicants."

Jen frowned. "The Secret Intelligence Service?"

"Yeah. You would be perfect for it."

She scoffed, "Oh sure."

"I mean it. If you're interested, I'll be happy to write you a recommendation."

"Sarge, are you serious?"

O'Malley leaned over her desk and looked her right in the eye. "Jennifer Mapplethorpe, you are the best detective I have ever seen. You're quick and intuitive, you're brilliant, you do the best field work of anyone on my squad. And your talents are wasted here. You could be doing big things." And with that, the senior officer turned and went back to his office. He left the flyer at Jen's desk.

She picked it up and read it carefully. SIS was certainly a big thing. It wasn't anything she'd ever even considered before. She had always had her plan of being a cop. But maybe Chris was right. Maybe she could do more.

Over dinner, she casually brought up the idea. "I had the weirdest conversation with Chris today."

"Oh?" Nick asked, shoveling pasta into his mouth.

Jen watched him for a moment, amazed at the metabolism of a twenty-nine year old man. You'd think he'd been starving to death, the way he devoured the dinner she'd made him. She shook her head and returned to her original topic. "Yeah, he left me a flyer to apply to SIS."

"He wants you to be a spy?"

"I guess. Obviously I'm not going to, but it's sort of flattering that he thought I could do it."

"Why aren't you going to do it?"

She nearly rolled her eyes. It all seemed very obvious to her. "I mean, Nick, I can't just go off and become a spy. Those people go all over the country. All over the world. And all the undercover stuff and the secrets and the hiding things from everyone? That's not me."

"But it could be a really great opportunity. If you're interested," he pointed out.

"I dunno…"

"There's no harm in applying, right? If they like you and they want you, we'll figure it out from there. But I know you, Jen, and you should be doing more with your life while you can."

"While I can?"

"The older we get, the more reasons there will be for you to not go after what you want. And right now, we're relatively free to do things like that. I've got my dream job. I want you to find yours."

And in that moment, the jealousy faded away. Dissolved into nothingness. The feeling that replaced it was one she couldn't quite place just yet. But Jennifer smiled.


	17. Chapter 17

Jen paced back and forth beside the desk. She tossed Nick's old cricket ball up and caught it mindlessly as she wracked her brain. "Okay, so write that I respect authority and procedure. Rules are put in place for a reason, ensuring uniformity…no wait, ensuring consistency and efficiency. However, nothing…no, hang on…erm…" She trailed off, feeling all mixed up. She sighed, "Alright, read that back to me."

Nick tapped the up arrow on the keyboard. He was still trying to get the hang of their new computer. They'd just switched over at police headquarters, but that system was different from the one they had at home. Technology wasn't much of his thing. "Here's what we've got: Rules are in place for a reason, ensuring uniformity—"

"No, I changed that. Say 'consistency' instead of 'uniformity.'" Jen instructed. "Then what?"

"That's all I've got," he told her.

She sighed heavily. "Oh budge over, you type too slow!"

When he stood up from the desk chair, Jen shoved the cricket ball at his chest and took his seat. She leaned in and furrowed her brow as she reviewed what had been written. "Nick! You've been editorializing! You're a slow typist and you're editorializing!" she said with slight outrage.

"Just making sure you highlight your best features," he defended.

"Would you care to explain this line? 'I've got an arse that won't quit and my tits are pretty good, too'?"

"Just stating facts, Jennifer," Nick told her gravely.

Jen pursed her lips. She wanted to be mad at him. She really did. This was too important for him to be fooling around. But she just couldn't help herself. "You think my tits are just pretty good?"

"If you want, I'll spend some quality time showing you just what I think about your tits. But I was just trying to make you sound humble. You're applying to SIS, Jen. You can't just flat out tell them you've got incredible tits that make your husband hard whenever he gets a glimpse at them. You need to come off more modest."

His feigned sincerity was enough to make her burst out laughing. Nick just grinned madly and took up Jen's prior position of pacing and tossing the cricket ball. He was glad she was letting him have a bit of fun. The application to SIS was serious business, once she decided to give it a go. But this was SIS. There didn't seem to be any real chance of Jen making it. She barely had enough experience, and she was really young. She did technically meet the qualifications, but her numbers were barely scraping by. Nick was hoping that applying to SIS would light a bit of a fire under her, help her feel ambitious again. She'd been in a rut lately, thanks to Fraud bringing her down. When SIS gave her the inevitable rejection letter, Nick was already ready with options for where she might apply for transfer. Armed Robbery was the next best thing to Homicide, though Nick didn't like the idea of her amidst such violent offenders. Arson might be good, or trying to get back on Drugs; she could be on Duncan's crew there. Even Vice might be a good fit for her; Nick had been popular there, being nice to the girls, but Jen could easily go undercover for Vice if she wanted to. And if something about SIS really did catch her fancy, the State Police had just created the Counterterrorism squad as well. Jen had big things ahead of her, certainly. Big things right here in Melbourne.

"Oh you'll probably want to take out the part about how good you are with your mouth," he added, remembering that he'd been watching her talk and staring at her lips and got distracted with memories of the blowjob she gave him in the shower that morning.

"I'm going to have to rewrite this whole bloody application, you dickhead!"

"Nah, there's some stuff you can keep. Just go through and edit and add in the parts you think are missing. I really do think you're almost done. But we do have to finish it today, if you want to get it in on Monday. We promised to go to church with my mother tomorrow and then we've got family dinner at the old house," he reminded her.

Jen smiled softly. It would be nice to go home for a bit. Their childhood home. Jen's mother, Marlene, still lived in the small, rundown house in that picturesque neighborhood. And Nick's mother, Nancy, was still next door in the old Buchanan house with the treehouse out back. Jill and Tara had gone off to live their own lives as young adults, as Nick and Jen had done many years before. But their mothers were still there. Jen hadn't been back in a while, and she always found that she felt a bit homesick when she let herself think about it.

"I'm gonna go in the bedroom for a while so I don't bother you. I know I've been a pain today," Nick said contritely.

"No, you're fine. I'm sorry I've been so mad about all this. I do know there's no chance I'll be accepted. I know there's no way I'll actually make it into SIS. And I don't even know if I'd want to do it anyway. But I just figure if I'm going to try, I might as well give it my all, you know?"

Nick nodded. "I know. You wouldn't be you if you didn't give it your all."

Jen reached out to him. He closed the space between them and took her hand in his. She brought his knuckles to her lips and pressed a reverent kiss there. "Thank you," she whispered.

"What for?" he asked with a fond smile.

"For letting me try. I know I'm really lucky that you're so supportive."

"I know you'd do the same for me."

"No I wouldn't. I'd try to find every excuse to convince you not to go for something that might take you away from me."

Nick gave her a strange look.

Jen explained, "I don't ever want to be without you, Nick." Her tone was frighteningly serious. "I'm only applying to say that I gave it a go, so I don't regret not trying at all. Because I know this isn't going to happen. But if you applied, you'd probably get accepted. And they'd ship you off to Canberra or Sydney or Darwin or somewhere, and with all the secrecy? I don't know what I'd do if we didn't share our bed every night or if we couldn't tell each other everything. I don't wanna lose you."

Not quite having words to reply, Nick just leaned in and kissed her. Because she was absolutely right. He would be lost without her. And if he did genuinely believe that this could really be the beginning of a career in SIS for Jennifer, he'd be begging her to reconsider. So he just kissed her with everything he had and murmured against her lips, "You'll never lose me."

A shaky breath fell through Jen's lips as she tried to collect herself. She was getting ahead of herself with all this, all worked up for no reason. "Right, go do whatever you need to, and I'll finish this up."

"I don't need to do anything, really, I just didn't want to be in your way," he said.

"Then stay. Please," she requested.

Nick nodded. He stood behind her as she settled herself back in front of the computer. Her typing skills were far superior to his, so the words soon began to fly across the page. Nick leaned in to read over her shoulder. Everything was eloquent and organized. She was a good writer; Jen was good at nearly everything.

She could feel his breath on the back of her neck. It was a bit distracting, but luckily she knew now what she wanted to say. Particularly since she'd removed all salacious comments made by her teasing husband. Though speaking of teasing, his lips made the slightest contact with the shell of her ear, making her shiver. And she tried to ignore him as best she could, until he started nibbling on her earlobe. Jen let out a breathy moan as her mind lost all focus. "Nick…" she whimpered.

"Save your document," he whispered. "We can finish that later."

Yes, they certainly could finish the application later. At that precise moment, Jennifer could think of nothing except getting naked with her husband and letting him shove her up against a wall and take her hard and fast.

And that's precisely what he did.


	18. Chapter 18

It was a Wednesday. Just a day like any other. The winter had been a rough one. Lots of rain and cold, unusual for Melbourne. But life went on. Long days in Fraud for Jen, insane hours in Homicide for Nick. They visited their mothers at least once a month. Went out with their friends on the weekends. Duncan had been going with a model named Clare. Jen quite liked her, despite her ridiculous good looks. It was nice to have another woman around to suffer the boys, but it was even nicer to have another couple to go out with. Nick and Jen were a bit tired of being mocked by their single friends and having to explain that they were much happier together than anyone could be alone. Happily single people never quite understood that.

Jen got home before Nick that evening. He was working a case of a little boy who was kidnapped and presumed dead. The young mother had really upset him, and he was working around the clock to try to find what happened. Jen didn't really expect him home for dinner.

She picked up the mail and flipped through it as she kicked off her shoes and wandered into the kitchen to find something for dinner. Bills, a few magazines, big envelope from Canberra. Curious, she tossed everything on the kitchen counter and opened it. It was addressed to her, after all.

 _Detective Mapplethorpe, The Australian Secret Intelligence Service is proud to offer you acceptance to the introductory training program for admission to the Service._

Jen's heart tumbled into her stomach. It was all she could do to fall into a chair and stare at the acceptance letter. She was numb with shock.

What was she going to do? She should be happy, shouldn't she? But it was entirely unexpected. SIS must be quite desperate if they wanted her. She was just Jen. Even though she was a detective, had made a good name for herself at the State Police, thinking of being in SIS just made her feel like Jenny, skinny and smart-mouthed and bookish and naïve and sad. She had grown out of all that, hadn't she? Wasn't this acceptance proof that she was more that who she'd always been? If it was, why did it make her feel so small and frightened?

The front door to the flat opened. "Jen, I need a shower and clean suit and then I've gotta get back. Any dinner I could borrow?" Nick called, hurrying around. When he didn't get a response, he came into the kitchen and saw his wife frozen at the kitchen table. His thoughts of the case were gone in an instant. "Jen? Honey, what's wrong?"

Without a word, she just held out the page in her hand.

Nick skimmed it and felt his stomach flip into knots. "Jesus," he whispered. She did it. Jennifer had done it. She had gotten accepted to SIS. And Nick felt like his worst nightmares were coming to life. She was going to go off and be a big, important spy and she was going to leave him in the dust. Just like he always feared she might. After all, she had always been the ambitious one between them. There was always that worry niggling in the back of his mind that she would one day get dreams too big for the life he could give her. She could be so much more than he ever could, and he knew it. And their love wasn't enough to stop her.

Jen just started to laugh. There wasn't anything else to do. "Nick, what the hell do I do with this?"

He looked at her, mildly concerned by her insane giggling. He forced a smile, focusing on the good and pushing down all the bubbling pain inside him. "You did it, Jen. You're going to be an SIS agent!" he said triumphantly.

She stood up and ran her hands through her hair. "Are you nuts? Of course I'm not! I can't do this!"

"SIS thinks you can. They sent you a full invitation. Obviously they were impressed by your application," he pointed out.

Jen stared at him, feeling impending doom and prideful elation in equal parts. "Nick…"

"You really want to turn it down?" he accused.

And wasn't that just the trouble. "How can I?"

"Exactly," he agreed with a nod. "You applied and you made it. This is gonna be amazing for you, Jen."

She knew he was right. She knew it. She knew she had to do this. And in some strange way, she was excited about it. It really was an amazing opportunity. This could be everything she'd ever wanted for herself, doing intensely important work, stretching her mind and her abilities beyond what she'd ever done before. This was the pinnacle. But it came at a devastating price. And that made the tears begin to fall. "I don't wanna leave you," she said, her voice cracking as she began to cry.

Nick's heart broke in his chest, but he couldn't let her see that. He pulled her into his arms and let her cry into his shirt. "Shh, it'll be okay. You'll leave for a while, you'll have your training in Canberra, we'll make it work. You'll see."

But Jen just kept crying.

"Come on now, this is good news. This is everything you've worked so hard for. This is going to be amazing. And you and me, we'll always be fine. We can talk on the phone. We can visit each other when we can. And now there's email, so we can write instantaneously," he reasoned, convincing himself as much as he was trying to convince her.

"Please don't make me go," she sobbed.

Nick had to laugh humorlessly at that. "You're bloody right I'm gonna make you go. You can't turn this down. If you don't go, you'll regret it the rest of your life. And if you don't go because of me, you'll hate me for it. And neither of us wants that." He took her face in his hands to force her to look into his eyes. "You are incredible, and you have to do this. I won't let you give it up for my sake. I love you too much to let that happen." And therein lay the truth. As much as he was afraid for her to leave him behind, he was even more afraid of what might happen if she didn't. He couldn't let her resent him. He couldn't bear to have his wife, the woman he had loved since he was a child, look at him with cold hurt in her eyes instead of warm affection. Even if it broke them both, he had to push her. There wasn't any other option. Not really.

"I love you so much," she told him through her hitched breaths.

"I know. And because we love each other, because we've been together our whole lives, we're strong enough to make this work. I know we are." That was the lie he would hold onto.

And Jen had to believe he was right. She had to believe that they could make it through the distance, that they could survive being apart for the sake of her job. Theirs was the strongest love there'd ever been, wasn't it? Of course they could find their way through. They were Nick and Jen. They would survive and be better on the other side. They had to be.


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's Note: M-rating for the beginning of this chapter**

Jen moved on top of him with practiced rhythm, but she was having trouble getting into it. Something didn't feel right, and she didn't quite know how to fix it. She leaned forward to change their angle and shifted her hips, but it didn't help. Jen knew what was really wrong.

"Here, my legs are tired," she murmured, climbing off him. She got on all fours so he could take her from behind. That always tended to do the trick. Nick taking control and shagging her hard and fast. That's what she needed. And she wouldn't have to look at him. She couldn't.

Nick did as she asked, getting up and lining himself up to thrust inside her. He gripped her hips hard and moved at a steady pace. "How's that?" he asked in between grunts.

She just hummed in response. It wasn't really getting her anywhere, but hopefully Nick would finish and they could be done. Jen could just kick herself for this. She wanted more than anything for this to be good, for them to come together with heat and passion as always.

But Nick knew her too well for this. He could tell she wasn't close, wasn't quite into it. And he would never be the sort of man to take his pleasure for himself, not with her. Times like this almost made her with he was, but then he wouldn't be her perfect husband and she wouldn't be in this mess to begin with. Nick reached around and used his fingers to stroke her in time with his thrusts. Her body couldn't help but react to that; he was so bloody good, knew exactly how to make her come apart. After all, they'd only ever had sex with each other, and they'd been doing it for over a decade. They'd learned everything together.

Jen felt her body tingle and tense up, tell-tale signs she was getting very close now. Amazing how he did that. She almost didn't want to come. It didn't feel right somehow. But Nick played her body like a well-tuned instrument, and she was defenseless to resist. And why would she really want to anyway?

Nick felt her inner walls flutter and clamp down on him as she let out a low moan of pleasure. He himself was right on the edge, but he didn't want it this way. He pulled out of her completely and flipped her over. She was light and had never minded a bit of roughness in bed before. But he was like a man possessed. He needed her this way, needed to be cradled between her thighs, see her breasts bouncing with every movement of his body inside her, feel her breath on his neck. He chased his completion hard and fast and finally sputtered to stillness while murmuring her name.

She held his body against hers, loving and hating everything about that moment in equal measure. In a way, Jen was glad he made sure they ended up like this, tangled up with his body pressing hers into the mattress and their sweaty skin sliding together. They were meant to be like this. It was right to be like this. But Jen felt her heart shattering in her chest a bit more each second they remained thus.

A slightly shaking rousted Nick from his post-coital doze. He sat up and pulled out of Jen for fear he was crushing her. He looked at her face and saw her eyes shut tight and her lips pressed together as she tried to hold everything in. But tears had escaped down her cheeks and suppressed sobs were making her tremble.

"Jen? Honey? Come here," he beckoned, pulling her upright so he could hold her and help her breathe a bit better.

And that was when she broke completely. She cried harder than she ever had before in her life. She clutched Nick's arms as she wailed and sobbed and got her tears all over her face and his chest. And the whole time, he just held her. He didn't say a word. He just held her.

For what could he say? He wanted nothing more than to do just what she was doing, to sit and cry and curse everything in the world for the predicament they were in. But they had made this decision together, and Nick wasn't about to fall apart and go back on it just because Jen cried. This was for the best, and even if they both hated it, they knew it was the right call.

"I don't wanna leave you," she whispered, finally catching her breath enough to form words.

"I know. But you've got to," he answered, reverently kissing her hair. They'd had this same conversation for weeks now. It always went the same. "It'll all work out," Nick promised.

Jen knew he was right. They wouldn't be apart for long. She would go to her SIS training in Canberra. After that, she would be assigned somewhere. Then she and Nick could figure out their future. This was the plan they'd agreed on. It would all be alright. They'd talk on the phone, they'd email, they'd work out visits back and forth. And she might even be stationed back in Melbourne so they could live together! Even if that didn't happen right away, surely she could work her way up to a position where she could request such a thing. Jen didn't know for sure yet, but SIS was shrouded in so much secrecy, there wasn't much way to find out. Then again, the whole point of SIS was secrecy. No matter what, they'd figure it out.

Nick held his wife while she cried, hoping she could calm down soon. This was their last night together. One last night before she got on her Qantas flight to her new life at SIS. It was all he could do to stay positive and remind her that they'd figure it out and she was going to have a great opportunity to do big things and everything would work out. The more he convinced her, however, the less he convinced himself. That was why he'd flipped her over while they made love. He needed to see her face one last time. Obviously he didn't want it to end in tears, but there wasn't really any other way this night could have gone. It was the bitterest goodbye and they both knew it. They knew they'd see each other again, but when, they didn't quite know.

And that was really at the heart of it all for them both. They had to say goodbye. For the first time since they became next door neighbors as children, they had no idea when they'd be together again. And it scared the hell out of them.

"I love you more than anything," Nick told her, practically crushing her in his embrace.

"I know. And I love you, sweetheart," she said in reply, burying her face in his neck, even as the tears still flowed from her eyes. "But we'll be okay, yeah? You promised we'll be okay."

"Yeah," he replied, forcing himself to smile. "We'll be okay."

The next morning was somber and quiet for them both. Jen's things were all packed in two cases—the maximum she was allowed to bring with her to SIS—and stowed in Nick's car. He'd taken the day off work to see her off, but he wore a green dress shirt and gray slacks anyway because he knew she liked to see him in those. Her flight was at ten and he might have gone into the station a bit late, but he knew he'd need time to adjust to being in their flat without her. He would never tell her, but Nick had every intention of going back home after her plane took off and getting piss drunk and crying his eyes out. But that was later. For now, he needed to stay strong for them both.

The drive was nearly silent. Jen looked out the window to see Melbourne pass her by, this city she'd lived in nearly all her life, where she'd learned and loved and lost and found the woman she'd become. She held Nick's hand on the gearshift and tried not to think about the fact that she had no idea when she'd see her city or her husband again.

At last, it was time. Nick walked with her to the gate, and she had to board. Tears shone in both their eyes as they fell into each other's arms. Their embrace was cut short by the last call from the stewardess. Jen pulled back and quickly kissed him. "I love you," she said one last time before she ran through the jetway doors.

Nick watched her go with a lump in his throat. He hadn't been able to find his voice to tell her he loved her too. But he did. And he knew that she knew he did.

He stood there at the window, watching as the big plane started its jet engines and taxied to the runway. He continued to watch until it took off and flew beyond where he could see. And with a shuddering breath, Nick turned away. Time to go home. Alone.

On his way out of the airport, he spotted the payphones and was struck with an idea. He put in a few coins and dialed a number he'd memorized only recently. Jen had just gotten a mobile, since she'd be travelling and wanted to be able to be reached wherever she ended up. It would be turned off while she was in the air. And as he suspected, Nick got her voicemail. Just hearing her voice made him smile. _You've reached Jennifer Mapplethorpe. Please leave me a message. I'll get back to you when I can._

At the sound of the beep, he left the message and then hung up the phone. He felt better now. He'd said what he needed to say.


	20. Chapter 20

The flight was only an hour but it was quite possibly the worst hour of Jennifer Mapplethorpe's life. She'd been so upset about having to say goodbye to Nick that she'd forgotten momentarily that it was the first time she'd ever been on an airplane alone. She and her mother had gone to Sydney a time or two to visit her cousins, and she'd gone with Nick to Perth to meet his grandmother. But now she'd be going to Canberra, where she'd never been in her life, and she would be doing it all alone. The reality of that had not quite sunk in during all the preparations for her journey.

She had her mobile clutched in her hands as the plane took off. It was switched off, of course, but it gave her something to grip onto when the roaring engines and quick altitude change made her ears pop and her stomach feel queasy. And besides that, it was her lifeline to Nick. Nick who she'd left behind to chase her ambition. Nick whose lips she could still feel on hers when she closed her eyes. Nick whose hand she longed to hold instead of that plastic phone. Nick who she had married right out of school because she loved him more than anything. She loved him as much now as she did that day. Perhaps more. And Jen knew she would love him for the rest of her life.

All those thoughts swirled in her mind, dragging her sorrow over her like an icy wave catching her in the undertow. The vague knowledge that she was in public and a complete stranger was sitting in a seat next to her were the only things that kept her from crying or vomiting. Though the latter may have been the effect of the flight and not the sadness. Either way, she was miserable from the moment she took her seat.

At last the plane landed and the captain welcomed the passengers to the capital, and Jen felt like she could finally exhale. She couldn't wallow anymore. She had things to do. Find her bags, get a cab to the address she'd been given, figure out what the bloody hell she was doing, start life at SIS. That was the plan. Those were things she could do. But first things first, she desperately needed to find the bathroom. With all the nerves, the complimentary cup of coffee the stewardess had served had gone right through her.

She felt a bit better when she'd gotten everything a bit settled. Suitcases in hand, she found the taxi line and waited patiently. There weren't many, and the line was long. Jen would be there for a while. To kill time, she figured she could call Nick and let him know she landed and let the gorgeous sound of his voice comfort her lingering nerves.

Jen powered on the mobile and immediately got an alert for a voice message. She listened to it right away, since only Nick and her mother had the number so far. Immediately upon hearing the first word, she smiled.

"Hi, Jen, I know you're on the plane. I'm actually calling from the airport. Just watched you fly away. Away away." Nick's words trailed off and he sighed into the phone. "Anyway, I didn't think I could say what I needed to say when you were standing there, but I didn't want to you leave without hearing what I needed you to hear."

Jennifer's smile disappeared as she listened to the message. He sounded very serious, and not in a way she found at all comforting.

Nick continued, "First, I need you to know that you're beautiful in every single way. Your looks, obviously, but everything about you. Every little piece. And second, you're really gonna be someone with all of this. I mean really, really gonna be someone. You're going to do the most incredible things. You're going to learn a lot and outshine everyone else, because that's just how you are. You're amazing, and this new job is going to let you really shine. And that's why I…"

He trailed off again, this time due to his voice cracking. He cleared his throat. Jen's whole being tensed up.

"The last thing I want to say is that I really hope you find whatever you were missing here. I hope you find what you're looking, and I hope you become everything you dreamed you could be and more. I hope you're happy wherever you are. And I just wanted to make sure you know that. That I love you and I want you to be happy. And I know you love me, but can you promise me that, Jen? Whenever you hear this message, can you just promise me and promise yourself that you'll be happy doing whatever it is you're doing?"

The tears escaped Jen's eyes as she whispered harshly, "I promise." Nick couldn't hear her, of course, and she probably looked like a lunatic to the other people in the taxi line, but it didn't matter now. Nick wanted her to promise, so of course she would.

But Nick wasn't quite done. "Anyway, that's really what I needed to say. I hope your life will lead you back here one day, but no matter what, I hope you're happy, and I hope you stay just as strong and beautiful and brilliant and fierce and incredible as you've always been, and I hope you can be all that and more in your new life. Bye, Jen."

The message ended and the mechanical voice told her to press one to replay the message or press two to delete. Jen just turned the phone off altogether. It was her turn to get in the taxi, and it took all her concentration to quit crying enough to tell the driver the address she needed to get to.

She didn't want to think about Nick's words here, not in the back of a taxi in a strange city. She didn't want to spend her first day in Canberra feeling distraught. Jen thought she'd left her fresh pain up in the air over Australia, but this was so much worse.

Nick said goodbye. In all the preparation for her journey to SIS and all the promises and plans they'd made, never once had they said goodbye. They weren't supposed to say goodbye. It wasn't the end, it was just like a long business trip. Like when Nick was undercover for a couple of days last year. Same as that, just a bit longer. But in that message, Nick had said goodbye and told her to be happy in her new life and he hoped she'd be back one day. Those were not the words of a man who was looking forward to making plans to see his wife again. And until that moment, Jen hadn't realized that all their plans had been a lie. A farce to convince her to accept the SIS position and get her on the plane to Canberra. She was well and properly stuck, and now that he'd gotten rid of her, he could tell her the truth. Yes, he loved her and wanted the best for her, but Nick had sent her on that plane with the belief that he might not ever see her again. And he hadn't told her that until she was already gone.

Jen had wanted to call him as soon as she'd landed in Canberra. But she didn't want to call him now.


	21. Chapter 21

"Hi, Mum."

"Oh, Jenny, I'm so glad you called! How are you, love? Everything alright?"

Jennifer smiled. It was so nice to hear her mother's voice. "Everything's fine. I'm in Canberra. Got here on Sunday and got settled and everything. The last three days have been full of informational sessions. The whole training is going to take about six months, they said. So I'll be in the barracks here till I get through the program," she explained.

"Do you know what you'll be doing after that?" Marlene asked. Everything about her Jennifer joining SIS seemed like a bad idea to her, but she'd also thought that going to police training instead of college and marrying Nick at age nineteen were bad ideas as well, but Jen had been extremely happy with both of those decisions. Marlene herself didn't have the best track record with life choices, so she wasn't in any position to judge.

"I have absolutely no idea. They did tell us straight away that we have no control over where they send us, but we can request certain divisions. It's like the state police like that. From what I've learned so far, Drugs and Counterterrorism sound the most interesting. But we'll see." Jen was actually extremely excited and deadest on Counterterrorism, since it combined everything she thought she was good at, everything she'd learned from her stint in Fraud but with the excitement she had been missing. But she'd worked in Drug Squad as a uniformed constable, so she knew that would be a good fallback for her. She'd liked working there, and with SIS, there would be international smuggling involved, which would be even more fun.

"So," Marlene began again, her voice taking on tone that Jen recognized as one she would need to be wary of. "How's Nick doing?"

Jen was absolutely right, she did need to be wary. "We…haven't spoken."

"You haven't? Did something happen?"

 _Yes_ , Jen thought to herself. "No, of course not. I miss him like crazy. But I've been so busy, and you know how swamped he can be with Homicide. We just haven't caught each other yet."

"But you've called him?"

"Of course," Jen lied. She hadn't called him yet. It was true that she had barely had time to think over the last few days, but she was still so shaken by his voice message to her on the day she left. She wasn't sure what to say. But then again, Nick hadn't called her either.

Nick himself had taken to a rather pathetic existence. He got up and went to work where he buried himself in his cases and did not go home until Senior Sergeant Wolfe forced him to. At home, he ate alone in silence and took a shower and went to bed. It had only been five days since Jennifer left, and already his life had completely fallen apart without her.

Eventually, he knew, he would have to come to terms with this new reality. He would have to find a way to carry on. After all, he had sent her off with a kiss and a message wishing her all the happiness and fulfilment in the world. He owed it to them both to find the same for himself. This whole thing had started because he had his dream job and had everything he could ever want, and she didn't. She deserved to have everything, too. The reality was, they couldn't each have everything if they stayed together.

He tried to remind himself what it was like before they'd gotten married, when she was in her last year of school and he was living in the flat alone. This was just like that. Except this time he didn't have the weekend to look forward to. Christ, the weekend would just be him alone in the flat. Maybe he could put in some overtime. Or see what Dunny was up to, see if they could go out together to get his mind off things. Something. Anything.

Part of him wanted to go home and spend some time with his mother. She could commiserate and make him feel better. He knew that Jennifer moving away for work wasn't anything like when his father had died and left his mother a widow, but perhaps she would have some advice about how he could go about coping with not having Jen in his life anymore.

That very day, five days after Jen had gotten on the plane, it was Simon Joyner, of all people, who finally said something to Nick. "You look like hell, mate. Everything alright?"

"You gonna take the piss if I tell you I miss my wife?" Nick asked warningly.

"I wouldn't do that, would I?" Simon asked with mock offense.

Nick chuckled in spite of himself. "You certainly liked to make fun when we were together and happy."

"Well yeah, when you were happy. It's easy to tease you guys with your perfect marriage when I'm trolling the bars for available women."

"No more perfect marriage now," Nick said sadly. He felt in his heart that his marriage might actually be over, that they wouldn't be able to survive this like he'd promised her they could. But he wasn't ready yet to admit that out loud to anyone yet. It had only been five days, after all. Couldn't throw in the towel just yet.

"Cheer up, Nick. Let's go get a drink tonight. Just the guys. I won't even flirt with a single woman."

"I'll believe that when I see it," he teased.

Simon laugh, "That's the spirit!"

The two were a few beers in when Simon broached the subject of Jennifer again. "So what's the deal, she comes home for holidays? You take time off to go visit her?"

"I dunno," Nick replied truthfully. "SIS doesn't really give anything away. She's in Canberra for training and then after that, however long that is, they send her off somewhere else. We thought we'd figure it out when we knew more."

"Does she know any more now that she's there? What's she said when you spoke to her?"

Nick downed the rest of the beer in his hand. "I haven't spoken to her since she got on that plane." It must have been the alcohol making him so loose-lipped. Nick hadn't told anyone that yet. "I left her a message, but she hasn't called me back."

"So call her again." Simon gave Nick the most incredulous look, as though this were the most obvious solution in the world.

But Nick knew better. He knew what he'd said to her in that voice message. He knew that he'd as good as wished her well and said goodbye. There was no way he could beg her to talk to him now. He truly did want the best for Jennifer, and if this was how she had to get it, he wouldn't stand in her way. The worst thing to do, to Nick's mind, was crowd her or guilt her into coming home. That wasn't fair, and that would only do more damage to them than giving her this space and this opportunity. Nick would just have to suck it up and get over it. They had made their choice, and he would not go back on that.

Late that night, Nick stumbled back home. He really wasn't very drunk, but he was just past being able to drive, so he'd gotten a cab. And he was bone tired. It had been good, talking with Simon. He may have had the emotional intelligence of a treefrog, but he'd been a good mate, taking Nick out and letting him get it all off his chest. He couldn't have done this with Duncan, who knew him far too well; Dunny would have pushed just too far when he noticed that Nick was holding back still, and Nick just wasn't ready for that yet. Maybe he could sleep this off and feel better in time for the weekend. He could go out with Dunny then.

As he walked into the apartment, the phone rang. No one would dare call this late. Well, almost no one. Nick took a deep breath and answered it on the third ring. "Hello?"

"Hi."

And Nick smiled.


	22. Chapter 22

Jen was busy working all day. It was probably for the best that she was practically chained to her desk and buried in paperwork for about ten hours straight. She had woken up and showered that morning and had done her best not to cry. Easier said than done. But she put herself together and went in to the nondescript office building in Sydney where SIS Counterterrorism had taken up residence. She was still too junior to do any field work, so she was saddled records analysis. And really, she didn't mind that work. It was a lot like what she'd done at Fraud, but at least now she had the promise of advancement. The better she did with all the detailed analysis she was so good at, the quicker she'd be promoted to field operations and beyond. And for now, that was all she had to hold on to.

"Hey, Jen, you see this?"

She looked up from the phone records she was reviewing to see another agent of her team, Matt Ryan, holding up a piece of paper from his desk. "What's that?" she asked.

He crossed over to her desk and pulled over a chair to sit beside her. "New report from Canberra."

Jen took the page and read it with furrowed brow. She could feel Matt watching her, something she was unfortunately very used to. He always seemed to be watching her. The attention was harmless, she knew. He was one of the few people who knew she was married, and he'd respected that. But she was flattered by his obvious interest. "So what's this got to do with us?" she asked, looking back up at him.

Matt went on and on about the implications of the report and how it might affect their division. Jen thought he was overreacting and therefore did not listen too closely to him. She allowed her mind to wander as she watched him, thinking about his body language and his sweet, boyish face.

His blonde hair seemed to always be a bit too long or too dirty or too messy. Which was a sort of endearing quality, actually. It was clear that he cared about his appearance, wanted to look professional and good as much as he could, but he just couldn't quite seem to figure it out. His suits always fit rather nicely, though Jen thought he was slightly pudgy for the field work he so obviously wanted to be promoted to. He was tall, though. Tall but a bit soft. Though she'd not seen him do anything terribly physical, so she couldn't fairly judge. The effort and desire to please and do a good job, however, that radiated off him in waves.

But that was the thing about Matt, she had noticed: he tried so hard but never quite seemed to succeed. He was smart and was obviously a good detective before he'd joined SIS. He'd been good enough to be accepted. Matt had been in the training class just before Jennifer. He had more experience as a local cop in New South Wales than she had in Victoria, and he was just shy of a year ahead of her at SIS. All in all, as far as Jen could tell, Matt Ryan was thoroughly 'fine.' Nothing more, nothing less. Just fine. But at least he was kind to her and a halfway decent friend thus far. Jen knew she had to give him the benefit of the doubt.

"So what do you think?" Matt asked.

"You're probably right," she replied dismissively. "But there's nothing for us to really worry about now."

"Yeah," he agreed. "I'll let you get back to it."

Jen just nodded in thanks. Back to work. Back to keeping her mind as occupied as possible.

By the time she returned to her small flat that evening, Jen was bone tired. Her eyes were dry and exhausted from all the paperwork. Her mind was too wrung out to focus on anything but basic function. Thank goodness. She didn't want to think. Not today. Especially not today.

Despite the late hour, Jen drew herself a bath. Just something to soothe her body and mind before she tried to sleep, for as exhausted as she was, she had a feeling that sleep might be elusive tonight.

Her mobile rang just as she was about to get into the hot bubbly water. She knew exactly who it would be, so she settled herself in the water before answering. "Hello?"

"Hi, honey."

She smiled to hear his voice. "Hello, sweetheart."

"Happy anniversary, Jen," he said softly though the phone.

Jen had to swallow the lump in her throat. All day, she'd tried to avoid it. All day, she'd begged herself not to think about it. And now Nick confronted her with it. She had a feeling he would. "And to you," she eventually choked out.

"Tell me about your day," he requested kindly. "How did you spend our ten-year anniversary?"

Christ, it really was ten years. Ten years to the day since she'd worn the prettiest wedding dress she could have imagined and let Nick's sisters do her hair and makeup. Ten years since she'd walked down the aisle and said 'I do' and kissed him like never before. Ten years since they'd spent the night in the old treehouse in his mother's backyard, making love amidst fairy lights and rose petals that Nick had set up for them. Ten years of a perfect marriage that all felt so distant from her now. She tried to clear her throat to untangle the pain of it all. "You tell me yours first," she replied.

Nick hesitated for a moment. "Well, I was at the station. As usual. Homicide caught a case of a missing little boy, presumed dead. No body, but there's blood on the windowsill and forced entry from the window."

"Oh how awful! He was taken from his bed?"

"The neighbor. Nice older lady. Always watched the kid when his mother goes out. The mum is young, bit of a partier."

"Is she a suspect?" Jen asked with concern.

"Not to me. She's genuinely upset over the whole thing. And I don't think she's clever enough to put on the act."

"Well that's good, in a way."

"Yeah," Nick agreed. "So that was my day. Interviewing mum and neighbor."

"I hope the case goes well and you find the boy. Or at least the body, I guess."

"That's the job."

"Yeah."

Another hesitation on the line. Jen shifted in the bath, feeling more anxious now than she had when she'd gotten home from work.

The silence was overwhelming for Nick. There was a reason he didn't call Jen very often anymore. She had only called him twice in the four months she'd been gone. He'd initiated calls almost every week. But he was starting to be less frequent about it. It was starting to hurt more to talk to Jen and have it not go well than to not talk to her at all. At least when they weren't communicating, he could fantasize that she would be home any day and they'd go right back to their happy life they'd had before. But he couldn't avoid calling her today. He needed to talk to her on their wedding anniversary, if nothing else. "So how was your day?" he eventually pressed.

"Fine," she answered. "Loads of paperwork. I'm not cleared to do much else yet."

"You think you can come home to visit soon?"

"I don't think I can get any time off approved for a while," Jen replied vaguely.

"Can I come see you?"

She sighed. "Nick, you know I can't tell you where I am."

"Yeah," he said sadly. That had been a rather rude awakening. They were barely allowed any contact at all, but she wasn't allowed to tell him anything. Not what she was working on and not even where she was.

"Maybe next Christmas," she offered.

They'd just had Christmas. She'd given him an address in Canberra to mail her present, but assured him that was just the standard SIS mailbox and someone would pick it up and deliver it to her personally. She'd sent him the very impersonal silk tie for Christmas and the same one in a different color for his birthday. She hadn't even called him then.

"Nick, it's late. I've gotta go," Jen said.

His heart was shattering in his chest, so it probably was best to cut this painful conversation short. "Yeah, okay. Sleep well, honey."

"You too."

And with that, the line went dead. He had meant to tell her he loved her, but she'd hung up too quickly. It did not escape his notice that she hadn't said it either.

About two minutes later, the phone rang again. He picked it up and heard crying before he could even say 'hello.'

"Jen? What's wrong?" he asked in a slight panic. He knew the sounds of her sobbing. If he didn't feel the grip of pain before, he certainly felt it now.

"I'm so sorry!" she cried.

"Sorry for what, honey? Just talk to me, please," he begged frantically.

"I wish things could be better! I just love you so much and I miss you and I don't know what to do!" Jen told him through hitched breaths.

"Oh, Jen, I miss you, too. I can't tell you how much I wish we could be together. Especially today, but every day. Christ, I'm dying here without you," he admitted.

That just made her cry harder.

"Deep breaths, Jennifer," he told her calmly, wishing beyond belief that he could hold her in his arms and soothe her pain in person.

Eventually her crying began to dissipate. She was able to speak in a rather harsh whisper. "I love you, Nick. I miss you and I love you."

"I love you, too. And I miss you every single moment."

She let out another shuddering breath. "What do we do?"

He was quiet for a moment, thinking.

"Nick?" she prompted.

"I don't know, Jen. I really don't know."


	23. Chapter 23

They'd gotten better about calls for a little while. Every Thursday at nine, Jen would call the home phone. Nick had just installed a cordless so he could lie on their bed and listen to her voice, close his eyes and pretend she was there. They even laughed a time or two.

But the same problems kept getting in the way. She couldn't tell him about what she was doing. He wanted to know everything, but he wasn't allowed, and he didn't want to push and put her in a bad position. He couldn't come see her, since she couldn't tell him where she was. And her workload was increasing as time went on, so she couldn't take time away.

"No one gets vacation time during the first year, not if they want to go into the field as soon as possible," she explained. "I wish I could though. I wanted to come home for my birthday at the very least. One of the other agents wanted to take me out, but I just couldn't bear it. I wanted to be with you. The way we used to be. You realize this year is the first time we've spent our birthdays apart in over twenty years?"

Nick knew all too well. His birthday had been spent out with Dunny and Simon, followed by a dinner at home with his mother at the weekend. He had gone up to the old treehouse and thought about how much he missed Jennifer. And for her birthday, he'd called to talk to her but she hadn't answered. She was always so busy.

And she only got busier. One Thursday, she emailed him in the morning to say she'd be out of contact for a while, that she was going on an operation to work backup in a safehouse. He emailed back and wished her well and didn't hear from her for a while after that.

Suddenly, Nick suddenly realized it had been a whole month since they'd spoken. He'd been distracted, actually. Homicide caught a really nasty serial killer case that kept him working long hours for weeks and just falling into bed; he hadn't even noticed which day it was. And, of course, work had also gotten a lot more fun recently. Duncan had joined Homicide.

"What's say we go out tonight, eh?" Dunny asked, stretching his arms over his head as they finished up their paperwork for the day. "Clare's in Milan for fashion week. We might as well commiserate with our sheilas out of town."

Nick felt a slight knot in his stomach at that. Not many people mentioned Jen to him anymore. She'd been gone for over nine months, and Nick's quiet demeanor did not invite questions, particularly since he gave off a rather harsh vibe warding off such inquiries. "Alright, but I gotta be home before nine."

Dunny looked at him curiously. "What's at nine? Telly program you wanna watch?" he teased.

"It's Thursday," was all Nick said in quiet reply.

Whether or not Duncan really knew what that meant or not, it seemed to solidify his resolve. "Yeah, mate, we're definitely going out."

And so Nick allowed his friend to buy him a couple of whiskeys and loosen his lips. Nick told him the whole sad story. "We were doing alright for a while, but it's just all fallen to crap again," he finished resignedly, finishing off his drink.

"Just call her," Duncan suggested.

"She usually doesn't pick up."

"Go visit her for a surprise."

"I dunno where she is. She can't tell me."

"Ask her to come visit you. Or meet her somewhere else, you can have a holiday weekend somewhere together."

"She can't take vacation time yet."

"When can she?"

"I have no idea. And I don't think she does either."

Duncan sighed, getting some sense of Nick's frustration. He was getting a bit annoyed at the whole thing. "So that's it? You just…fall apart?"

Nick didn't respond.

Later that night, when Nick got back home and didn't have a message on the answering machine indicating Jennifer had called, he dialed the number for her mobile. It was nearly midnight, but he didn't care. And, of course, it didn't seem to matter. Her phone wasn't even on. Didn't even ring, just went straight to voicemail. _You've reached Jennifer Mapplethorpe. Please leave me a message. I'll get back to you when I can._

"Yeah, sure you will," Nick muttered, hanging up before he left any kind of message.

He sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. There was just a bit too much alcohol in his system for Nick to be thinking straight. He knew he had a tendency to get like this, bogged down by an issue till it drove him to distraction. If Jen were with him, she'd ask him questions, force him to think through things and find a new angle. She was brilliant with things like that. But she wasn't there. He couldn't talk to her. Even if she picked up the phone, he still couldn't really talk to her. She was just too far away in all the ways that mattered.

Duncan had been right, which Nick didn't like to hear. There was nothing to be done, that was it, they were falling apart. He had feared it might be like this, that despite their best intentions, they wouldn't be able to manage it. It helped, somewhat, to think that Jen missed him as much as he missed her. But she was off in a new life, and he was trapped in their old one.

Nick thought about the look of pity he'd gotten from her mother the last time he was back at the old neighborhood. Marlene had always been an extremely practical woman while both he and Jen were far too naive and romantic-minded for their own good. She'd warned Jennifer about dating the teenaged boy next door because he might be a bad influence on her. And maybe he was, maybe Jen would have gone off and done big things a whole lot sooner if they hadn't been together. Maybe he had held her back all these years. Marlene was kind to Nick, appreciated the way he loved her daughter, but Nick knew that Marlene wanted Jennifer to really make something of herself. And Nick just wasn't good enough for her. Not ambitious enough, not smart enough. Jen had always been both of those things in abundance.

He sighed heavily and scrubbed his face. Sitting there feeling sorry for himself wouldn't do him any good. He clasped his hands as he rested his elbows on his knees. The gold of his wedding band caught the dim light of the lamp on the nightstand. For the first time he could remember, Nick pulled it off his finger. He examined the ring. It was simple. Barely decent quality but solid gold nonetheless. It was all they could afford at the time. He had been barely twenty, just finished police training when they got married. A lifetime ago, in many ways. Nick toyed with the ring between his fingers. It felt heavy. Heavier than it should have. A sudden urge to throw the thing against the wall threatened to overtake him.

Nick clenched his jaw and put the ring back on his finger.


	24. Chapter 24

"So I told Jarvis where he could stick it!"

Jen laughed hysterically with the rest of her mates, nearly spitting out her beer as Karen told the story of what their superior officer had done that day. But a shrill ringing interrupted the fun. The group all booed her good-naturedly; it was understood that mobile phones went off until they needed to call cabs home.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Jen replied, still laughing. She fished her phone out of her pocket and saw it was a number she didn't recognize. But she could tell by the prefix that it was from Melbourne. Her heart sank a bit in her chest, and she quickly dismissed the call and turned off the phone. No one in Melbourne she wanted to talk to. Not now.

"Everything okay?" Matt asked gently, leaning in from his position next to her.

"Fine," she told him dismissively. Jen took another big swallow from her glass and asked Tom what his plans were for the weekend.

Out of the corner of her eye, Jen could see Matt watching her. Again. Normally the attention didn't bother her. His sincere concern and genuine interest. He kept it friendly and mostly professional, but even so, she was wary. And right now, she suddenly wanted to be very far away from him.

"I think I'll call it a night," she announced a minute later. She tipped her head back to polish off the pint and threw a few dollars on the table. All she wanted was a fun night out with her colleagues, but now she desperately needed to be alone. Jen ignored the protests of her friends, brushing them off with a kind smile. She hurried out of the bar as quick as she could.

As soon as she entered her flat, Jen turned her phone back on. There was a voice message waiting for her. Suddenly, she was gripped with panic. What if something happened to Nick? What if his mother was calling her from the hospital to say he got shot? Or what if it was her own mother? What if someone was calling to tell her there had been a terrible accident and Marlene had died?

But she needn't have worried. The message began, "Hey there, Jen." It was Duncan. "I know I shouldn't be calling you, I know you're busy. I didn't expect you to answer. But I think someone ought to tell you that everything you're doing to Nick is crap. And I think you know it. When I knew you, you were warm and caring and you loved him. Now, I don't know if you've ever loved anything in your life. He checked his email at work. Stupid thing to do, but he was expecting something from you. He showed me that email. That you told him not to take any time off for a weekend somewhere, that you wouldn't be able to meet him. You know he's talking about quitting the state police to come find you and be with you? I know he hasn't asked you yet, but don't you dare let him. You destroyed him already, Jennifer, and he's a complete shell of the man I knew ten years ago. Do us all a favor and just leave him be. Let him get on with his life. He deserves that."

And at the end of the angry rant, the message ended. Jen stood there, stunned beyond belief. Her eyes welled up with tears.

"How bloody dare he!?" she muttered to herself. She paced back and forth in her small living room, trying not to devolve into a screeching, sobbing mess. But honestly, how dare Duncan Freeman leave her a message like that? How dare he insinuate himself in her marriage? She and Nick were their own business. It wasn't up to anyone else to get involved. Jen certainly hadn't been airing their troubles with her friends. Nick obviously wasn't respecting that same rule. From what Dunny said, it sounded like Nick had been showing off her emails and discussing plans to run away from his whole life so he could be with her.

A strangled sob escaped her throat, causing Jen to shove her hand over her mouth to prevent any further noise. She knew that Duncan was right, that she had already destroyed him. In leaving and being unable to figure out a solution to all the distance between them, Jennifer had absolutely broken that man she loved so dearly. Of course he would give up everything for her. But he shouldn't have to. She didn't want him to. She had gotten to start a new life, and it was unfair for him to be waiting for her in the old one. Because after nearly eighteen months, it was becoming clear that SIS wasn't just a blip on the radar; she was here for good.

So what was the point in keeping Nick tethered to her? What was the point in keeping herself tethered to him? That they loved each other? It was a fact truer than anything in her whole existence. But now, it didn't feel like enough. Love wasn't enough.

Jen hurried into her bedroom and got the envelope from the top of her dresser. Plane ticket to Melbourne. Unbeknownst to anyone, she'd gotten time off approved so she could go visit home. That was why she had told Nick not to take vacation time to meet her somewhere. She had wanted to surprise him at home. But perhaps it was best if she didn't. Perhaps it was best if she let that old dream die. Because keeping it alive was killing them both.

In a fit of frustration, Jen ripped up the ticket into a million little pieces. She tossed them all in the bin and went to take a long, hot shower. The water always helped her feel better. She couldn't stop crying. But by the time the hot water ran out, she had run out of tears. Emotionally exhausted, Jen climbed into bed and slept dreamlessly till morning.

"Maplethorpe, what's this now?"

The following day, Jen sighed internally to herself as Agent Jarvis mispronounced her name. But long gone were the days she'd tried to correct him, insisting it was "Mapplethorpe" like a roadmap, not "Maplethorpe" like a maple tree. Terry Jarvis didn't seem to care.

Getting up from her desk, she crossed to Jarvis's office. "I've withdrawn my request for vacation time, sir. My plans fell through, and I know now's not the best time to be absent from operations."

"We've already gotten replacements for your ongoing operations. You'll be surplus here," Jarvis replied.

Jen was slightly taken aback. "Oh," she said simply, unsure of what else she was supposed to say.

"But lucky for you, the timing is fortuitous."

"It is?" she asked. She tried not to be caught off guard by Jarvis's vocabulary.

"Two weeks training in Canberra. You're a good-looking woman and you're smart. We can use you undercover."

Jen's eyes went wide. "Really?"

"You bet your arse. And now that you're not going on vacation, you can go to the next session. Pack your bags and hop on a plane tomorrow night," he instructed. And with that, he turned and went back into his office.

It took great effort for Jennifer to hide her giddy grin. She didn't want to appear too eager and embarrass herself.

Matt, it seemed, had overheard the conversation. "Well done, Jen!" he congratulated. "This is going to be a great opportunity for you."

"Yeah, I almost can't believe it! I've been dying to get more field work, doing more than just analysis," she replied.

"Watch out, before you know it, you'll be rubbing shoulders with terrorists and running through a hailstorm of bullets. Then you'll be wishing you could go back to the deskwork."

Jen just rolled her eyes and gave a friendly laugh.

"Listen, when you get back, we should grab a drink. You can tell me all about it."

She tried not to appear shocked, but Jen also knew that Matt meant no harm. He was just being friendly and supportive. He was sweet. He wasn't blatantly asking a married woman out on a date. He was a good guy, and he knew better. So Jen smiled and answered, "Sure, that sounds great."

That night, Jen began packing for her two weeks in Canberra for her training. She could hardly wait to go, to learn all she could, to be qualified to do more in her job. It crossed her mind that she wanted to tell someone about it. Because this was something she could talk about. Not details, of course, but the people who loved her would be pleased that she had been chosen for this special training course.

She sat down at her home computer and opened her email. She hesitated a moment before writing the message. _Nick_ , she began typing. But she quickly deleted it. _Hey Mum_ , she wrote instead. It only took a few sentences to give her mother the update and send it off. She didn't need to tell Nick. Actually, she didn't really want to tell Nick. If she did, he would probably just tell everyone else he knew and probably complain about her behind her back. She closed out of her email with a frustrated huff.

When it was time for Jen to leave her Sydney flat for two whole weeks, she made an impulsive, reckless decision. She grabbed her house keys and her mobile and her suitcase. And before she went out into the hall to lock the door behind her, she pulled her wedding rings off her hand. They were placed in the dish next to the car keys she wouldn't need to bring with her. The tiny diamond glinted as Jen turned out the light and locked up behind her.


	25. Chapter 25

It was a bit odd for Nick, going next door. From the time they were children, Jen would always come over to his. She would come join him in the treehouse, they would sit at his mother's kitchen table doing homework in bad weather, she would come to his so they could watch over his little sisters. The only time he ever really went over to hers was when they were teenagers and her mother was working and they could sneak upstairs to have sex.

But now he was spending the weekend at his mother's house. She was lonely, he knew. Jill and Tara had moved away long before. Jill was living in a flat in the more urban part of Melbourne, not too far from Nick's place; she was a hairdresser in a posh salon and had designs of owning her own place one day, so she was attending business school at night. Tara had moved all the way to Sydney where she had become a nurse in a cardiologist's office. Nancy had confided in her son that she thought Tara's boss was having it on with her. Nick did his best to persuade his mother that there was nothing to that, but Nick knew his sister well enough to know that the odds were that Tara was in fact having some sort of inappropriate relationship with Doctor Nelson.

In the midst of catching up and discussing what the twins were up to, Nancy did happen to mention that Marlene Mapplethorpe next door had wanted to see him. "Go bring her some of those lamingtons we made this morning," she told her son.

For Nick, it was the absolute strangest experience of déjà vu. The day the Mapplethorpes had moved in, Nick and his mum had made lamingtons to bring over to the new neighbors. That was the first time he'd ever seen Jennifer. He hadn't realized it then, of course, because he was just barely seven years old, but he fell in love with her at first sight. She was pretty, even as a little girl. And she was fierce and clever. She had always entranced him from the very first. He practically begged her to be his friend and share his treehouse. He had been equally as sure and as awkwardly nervous when, many years later, he had practically begged her to be his wife and share the rest of his life.

"Oh Nick, it's so nice to see you, dear!" Marlene greeted warmly. She pulled Nick into a big hug.

He returned her embrace happily. He had not seen his mother-in-law in quite some time. They went inside and, as far as Nick could recall, the house looked exactly the same as he remembered. "You're looking well, Marlene," he complimented, getting a good look at her for the first time. She was more dressed up than he could recall having seen her in quite some time. "Mum and I made lamingtons. Thought you'd like some."

"Aren't you sweet? Thank you so much. I'll make us a cuppa and we can share some, if you'd like," she offered, leading him into the kitchen.

They sat across from each other at the old kitchen table. Much smaller than the one at the Buchanan house. But then again, the Mapplethorpes were always just Jen and Marlene. The Buchanan home housed five, at one time. Now it was just Nancy on her own. No wonder she'd been hinting at the possibility of selling it.

"I'm glad you came over, Nick," Marlene began, pouring tea for them both. "I wanted to talk to you, since you're here."

"Sure. What can I do for you?"

Marlene smiled at that phrasing. How very like Nick, always wanting to offer to help, always thinking of others. "That's what I wanted to discuss. What you can do."

He frowned, unsure of where this was going.

"You heard from Jenny lately?"

Nick took a sip of his tea as he tried to think about his response. "Off and on. We were doing phone calls pretty regularly for a while, but her schedule's been really irregular since she started doing more field work. We email at least once a week, though. She told me she had some additional training a couple months ago, got a really good promotion. I think that means she might be able to take some vacation time soon, maybe come back home. Has she said anything to you?"

The way Marlene looked at Nick just then might possibly have been the most direct indication of his heartbreak. She pitied him. Plain and simple. She heard his optimistic words about his wife and knew he was being foolish. And in that moment, Nick realized it, too. It was clear as day on Marlene's face.

"She's not coming back, is she?" he asked quietly.

"I don't know. She hasn't said anything to me one way or the other, not for certain. And I can tell whenever I speak to her that she doesn't want to say anything for certain. Which is why I thought we should talk."

"Oh?"

"Jennifer is living a whole new life, Nick. It's not just a new job, it's a whole new career in a whole new place. She's standing on her own two feet and finally doing all that she's capable of. But she's still got one foot back here because she doesn't want to leave you."

He scoffed, "Feels like she already has."

"Maybe for you. But not for her. She's still trying to hang on, in her way," Marlene explained.

Nick stared into his teacup, trying to keep his voice level. "You know I haven't seen her since the day she got on that plane to go to Canberra for training?"

"I know. I haven't seen her since she left, either."

"But I'm her husband!"

"Please don't shout, Nick," she scolded.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

They were both quiet for a little while. Neither quite knew what to say. Nick was still reeling from the abrupt realization that he might not ever see Jennifer again. And if he loved her like he had always claimed, maybe he needed to let her go. She deserved this, this new life with SIS. She deserved to do all the incredible things he'd always known she could do. After all, he was the one who had convinced her that she should apply, that she should search for more in her life if she was unhappy with the State Police. But he honestly hadn't thought it would take her away from him for good. Hadn't Jen said that if it were him applying for SIS, she would have tried to stop him, because she wouldn't want to let anything take him away from her? She always had been a bit possessive and maybe a bit selfish. Nick had been the one to put her first, to insist that what was best for her would be best for them both because he couldn't be happy if she wasn't. That was still true. He knew it was.

The doorbell rang, interrupting Nick's thoughts. Marlene swore quietly. "I didn't think he'd be here so early," she muttered.

"Who?"

Marlene stood up and started to clear away the tea things. "His name is Robert. I've been seeing him for a little while. First decent bloke I've been out with in a really long time. I really like him, and if his eagerness to arrive before he's supposed to is any indication, I think he likes me, too."

Nick got up from the table and helped with the clearing away. "That's great, Marlene. Honest, I'm really happy for you. I hope he treats you right." He didn't want to make blatant reference, of course, but Nick was fairly certain that Marlene was aware that he knew about her past with Jennifer's father. She never had given him all the details, but he knew enough about the abuse that man had committed to his wife and child before Marlene had been able to pack Jennifer up and take her away from it all. And, come to think of it, Nick wasn't sure if he'd ever seen his mother-in-law date anyone in all the years he'd known her. But with Jen out of the house and Nancy Buchanan talking about moving, it was good for Marlene to have someone in her life.

"I'm glad we got a minute to talk, and I wish we could have a bit more time, but maybe come see me tomorrow before you go back to your place? If you've got time? You don't have to, of course, but I can't help but feel like maybe I bungled all this," Marlene babbled.

"No, you're fine. It's fine. I've…I've got a lot to think about. I'm headed back to mine early tomorrow, anyway. You have fun with your Robert, and I'll see you the next time I'm back in town," Nick insisted. He gave Marlene a kiss on the cheek and headed out the back door and through the yard to his childhood home.

Nick had been entirely correct when he'd told Marlene that he had a lot to think about. He honestly had thought that Jen wanted to come home to him, that she was just bogged down by the new job like she had been when she first made detective. Back then, she'd worked such long hours, he barely saw her for about three months straight, except when he woke up to her getting into bed late at night or getting up with her early alarm in the morning. But she'd evened out eventually, and their lives had gotten back to normal, seeing friends and having fun together and shagging like no other.

But everything was so different now. He must have been naïve to think that she wouldn't be lured away from him by the exciting spook life. They hadn't seen each other in eighteen months. They hadn't even spoken on the phone in about six weeks. Maybe he should have pushed harder, tried to get her to meet him for a weekend somewhere. Christ, maybe he should have just begged her to come home for Christmas at the very least. Though, to be fair, Jen had never asked anything of him. She had not asked him to come join her in SIS. She had not asked him to come visit her. She had not asked him to give up everything and follow wherever she led. Would he have done that, if she'd asked? Would he really have been able to give up everything for her?

It felt like a silly question to even ask. Because of course the answer was yes. Nick would not have hesitated to drop his whole life and be by her side if she wanted him there. After all, he only became a cop because it had been her idea. He had told her when he was sixteen that _she_ was the most important thing in his life, that _she_ was his future. And Nick had never stopped believing that. He would do anything she asked of him. If only she had asked.

Nick slept fitfully that night, after a quiet and stilted dinner with his mother. He didn't enjoy being in his childhood bedroom, not when there were so many memories there and his mind was so caught up in his troubles. He needed to get back to his flat and back to work. He could focus on his own life and put such worries aside.

When Nick did return home, however, he was unable to escape his marital troubles. Quite the opposite, in fact. There was a large envelope addressed to him and waiting in the mailbox. Curious, he opened it. It was a packet of four pages. Official forms from the Commonwealth Court. His and Jennifer's names and information were all filled in on the first page beneath the angry black letters spelling out Application for Divorce.

He finally had his answer, then. Jen wouldn't be coming home. She had finally asked something of him. And how could he claim to love her if he did not say yes?


	26. Chapter 26

Jen sat on the edge of her tiny kitchen table and stared down at the page in her hand and let the tears flow down her face. There, in small, neat, precise blue ink was the name Nick Buchanan, signed on the line marked "Husband."

She'd only sent the divorce papers a week before. It had been a desperate and foolhardy act, to be sure. But she needed to try to shake some sense into him. She missed him. She loved him. She wanted him with her. More than anything, she wanted him to want her with him. Jen knew without a shadow of a doubt that if Nick had asked, she would have never left to join SIS in the first place. Even anytime within that first year, before she'd been promoted to field status, if he had asked her to go back to Victoria State Police and be with him, she would have handed SIS her resignation without a second thought. If only he had asked.

But Jen's mind swirled with all the signs that this was coming, the signs she had ignored for nearly two years. When she'd gotten on the plane to Canberra, he had left her a message saying that he wished her well and hoped she'd find all the things she'd been looking for. He had wanted her to promise to find some happiness, even if she never came back to him. It was as though he had been resigned to this fate even then, that he never expected her to return. And then when Duncan had called and told her to let Nick go, to stop torturing him with the awkward phone calls and pointless emails.

Nick had never fought for her, Jen realized. Nick had always loved her; there was no doubt in her mind about that. But he never seemed to truly want her enough to fight for her. He hadn't tried to find a way for Jen to stay in Melbourne with him. No, he had been the one to push her to apply for SIS and to go when she'd been accepted. At the time, she had thought that he was just being selfless and pushing her to reach her full potential. But what he'd really done was push her away. What sort of husband didn't want his wife to be with him? And if he did, what sort of husband didn't try to get her to come home to him?

She had hoped that this would be enough to do it, that she could jolt him into action with the threat of divorce. Jennifer wanted nothing less than to admit defeat in their marriage. But if Nick didn't care whether or not she stayed where she was, what was the point in wanting to go back home? Nick had signed the divorce papers. He hadn't even called her to talk about it. He just…gave up. But maybe they both had.

Jen's tears began anew as she turned around and put the page on the table. She grabbed a pen and cried a might sob as she signed Jennifer Mapplethorpe on the line that read "Wife." Trying not to get tears all over the divorce application, Jen folded it up and put it in the envelope to post to the Victoria District Court. They'd requested no court appearance. They already had their property divided between them, since Jen had no present intention to return to Melbourne; the only things she wanted and needed were the things she had with her in Sydney.

For the next few weeks, Jen was sullen and quiet. Some of her friends at work had asked if she was alright, and she brushed them off. Just claimed she'd been tired. She was fighting off a cold. Everything was fine. By now, very few—if any—of them knew she was married. Or had been married. She'd not worn her wedding rings in months. She never mentioned her husband if she could help it. Part of it was professionalism; no one needed to know that much about her private life, and no one really cared, anyway. But more than that, any mention of her relationship just made her so unbearably sad. And these colleagues were great if she had a day off and wanted to go to the cinema or if she wanted to unwind at a pub. Personal conversations were not really something one did at SIS. It was better for the work and for the agents if nothing like that ever came up.

But then the mail came. The final judgment. That was a rather harsh term for what was essentially a rubber stamp from a clerk in the court office. The divorce had been granted. Marital union dissolved. Nick Buchanan and Jennifer Mapplethorpe were both unmarried.

And Jen needed a drink. She offered to pay for the first round for whoever came with her after work that day. Their team didn't have an active operation, so taking an early night to get pissed wasn't much of a problem. Perhaps if they'd been busy, Jen wouldn't have had any opportunity to wallow. But if they'd been busy, she had a feeling she'd feel even more resentful.

"You wanted to celebrate, but you don't seem too happy."

Jen lifted her head from where she'd been staring at the bar in front of her, glass of whiskey in her hand. "Whoever said it was a celebration?"

"Well, I dunno, but why else would you buy first round?" Matt asked her with his sweet, charming smile.

"This isn't a celebration," she replied flatly.

Matt regarded her carefully, likely trying to suss out whether or not it was safe to ask for more information. He clearly landed on a course of action. "Then what is it?" he asked gently, pulling up the stool beside her.

Jen let out a slow, slightly shuddering breath. The tears pricked her eyes and she tried, unsuccessfully, to blink them away. "My divorce went through."

"Oh, Jen, I'm sorry," Matt replied sincerely. He really did seem genuinely concerned about her. "What happened? I know you haven't talked about him in a long time, but I just figured that was because we were so busy."

"I should have seen this coming. I should have known this was what he wanted. He didn't even ask me anything or oppose anything at all. He just signed the papers and sent them back to me. And if that's what he wanted, I had to sign them, too. If he doesn't want to be married to me, I'm not going to keep him. Especially since I don't know if I'll ever get to see him again after this." Jen's breath hitched and the tears escaped down her cheeks. "I didn't think we'd ever get to a point where he didn't want me. I don't know why he stopped loving me," she sobbed.

Matt didn't say another word. He pulled her into his arms and rubbed her back as she cried into his chest. His hands, rather soft and doughy, stroked her hair and held her close.

Jen felt a sense of calm in Matt's embrace. He really was so very sweet. Not many men would have seen an upset divorcée and been compelled to listen to her moan and hold her while she lost all sense of propriety and professionalism.

"It's gonna be alright, Jen," he murmured into her ear. "You're gonna be alright."

And, inexplicably, Jen believed him. She would be alright. It would hurt and she would be sad and maybe nothing would ever be as good and as right as being Nick Buchanan's wife, but Jennifer Mapplethorpe was an SIS Counterterrorism field agent. She was made of tougher stuff than this. She would certainly be alright. "Thanks, Matty," she replied softly.

As she pulled herself back and regained her composure, Jen felt a small blush in her cheeks. Crying at Matt as she had was entirely inappropriate. But he gave her a small, gentle smile which indicated that he wasn't offended by her ridiculous display. "Do you want to talk about him? I know when I was getting over my ex, Emma, it was always nice to talk about her, to remember the good times and not focus on the pain when it ended."

But Jen shook her head. "No, I don't really want to talk about my husband."

"Ex-husband," Matt corrected.

Jennifer felt her stomach lurch and sink down practically to her shoes. "Yeah," she conceded, "ex-husband."


	27. Chapter 27

The house was empty when Nick arrived. He was glad, in a way. He could use the quiet to collect himself. He knew how much his family wanted to give him a happy birthday, particularly given the circumstances. But he was in absolutely no mood to celebrate. If he'd had his own way, he'd have invited Simon and Duncan over and gotten piss drunk and probably made a fool of himself crying like an idiot.

But Mum had wanted to do something nice for him, have the whole family back at the house all together. Stupid, really, since Jill and Tara certainly didn't want to spend their weekend with him moping around. So for them and for Mum, he would put on a brave face and try to have some fun. Nick secretly hoped that his mother had made her classic lemon drizzle cake the way she used to for his birthday when he was a boy. That would be nice.

As soon as he determined that no one else was home, Nick went up to his old bedroom and tossed his carryall on the bed. He didn't really need to unpack, it was just two nights. But something caught his eye.

The bed. He'd once spent his birthday in that very bed. Everyone was out of town and Jennifer surprised him. He turned seventeen and they lost their virginity to each other that afternoon in that bed.

Unable to give it a single second's more thought, Nick stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind him for good measure. Maybe he'd sleep on the sofa tonight. Or else drink enough to pass out and not think about where he was or remember anything that had once given him such happy memories.

Nick went outside, enjoying the unseasonable sunshine. He'd always loved the backyard of his parents' home. It was big and lush. The trees provided just enough shade, the lawn was just big enough for some decent footie practice. It really was the perfect place to grow up. He'd been a happy child, he knew. Maybe a bit quieter than people might expect from a happy child, but he knew he'd always been content. He had never wanted for anything. Perhaps that was his fatal flaw, he realized. He had never been too ambitious in anything because he'd always been satisfied with his life. Jennifer had always yearned for better, for more. She was ambitious. She saw her lot in life and constantly wanted to improve it. Nick used to admire that in her, that drive. He had always been so proud of her and all her hard work. But it was that ambition and dissatisfaction with life that had led her away from him. And he'd supported her and pushed her like a complete idiot. Though, to be fair, Nick wasn't sure—even now, looking back—if he could have ever reasonably treated her any other way. He had always been content with what he had, but he'd always supported Jen in searching for more; he had just assumed that when you love someone, you only ever want the best for them. What a dickhead he'd been.

Without really realizing where he was wandering in the garden, Nick found himself standing beneath the old treehouse. The rope ladder was frayed and the rungs were rotting. They'd need to be replaced. The treehouse itself, however, looked to be in remarkably good shape still. He had last done renovations on it in preparation for their wedding night. After an entire childhood of spending nearly every day up in that treehouse together, Nick knew that was where he and Jennifer would start their marriage. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

The rage quickly boiled his blood and bubbled over inside him. Nick grabbed hold of the ladder and yanked hard. The rope snapped with very little resistance. He hurled it against the tree, causing some of the rungs to splinter upon impact. And once he'd started, he couldn't quite stop.

Nancy Buchanan came home to find her son's old Ute parked in the drive. She was looking forward to seeing him, to trying to give him a good, proper birthday. He'd been so upset for so long, holding out hope that Jennifer would come home. At least now that the divorce had gone through, he could properly mourn the loss of the relationship and try to move on. Then again, Nancy herself had been mourning her husband for twenty years and had barely given a thought to moving on until the last year or so. But Nicky was so young and strong and handsome and kind, he'd surely find someone else if he wanted to.

She brought her grocery bags into the kitchen and heard a crashing sound outside. She looked out the window and gasped.

"Oi! What on earth do you think you're doing?!" she shrieked, rushing out to the garden, seeing a rock bounce off the siding of the treehouse above

Nick barely paid her any mind. "Taking care of this," he growled. He bent down to find another rock to hurl at the treehouse.

Nancy grabbed his arm to prevent him from throwing anything more. "You stop that right now," she commanded.

It had been a long time since Nick had been properly scolded by his mother. Even when he was young, she had always been the kind, gentle sort of mother. But when she was angry, in the rare times it happened, she could be downright terrifying. Nick stopped what he was doing immediately.

As soon as Nick faltered, Nancy softened. She reached up and pushed back her son's hair. "What are you doing, hmm?" she asked quietly.

"It should come down," he told her. "You should get someone in to take it down. I can call…"

"You'll do nothing of the sort. That treehouse is going to stay up there forever," she vowed.

Nick turned to her and frowned, the pain evident on his whole face. "Please," he softly begged.

But Nancy was firm. She shook her head. "No, Nicky. I know you're hurting right now. The memories hurt, I know. But there are other memories of that treehouse, too. Memories we shouldn't try to get rid of. Your dad built that for you. He was the first person who would go up there with you. And that's something you'll want to remember and share with your children one day."

"What children?" he asked with a hollow laugh. Yet another excruciating memory; he and Jen wanted kids. They'd talked about it even before they got married. They just…never got around to it. And now it was too late.

"One day, you might have children," Nancy told him. "And then you can bring them to the treehouse."

"What happens if you sell the house first?"

Nancy hesitated. "I…well, I wasn't going to bring this up yet, but I suppose now's as good a time as any."

"What?"

"I think my time here is through. It's a big house and too much for me as I get older. I think I want something small, a condo, perhaps. There are some lovely places I could afford in Perth, near my sister. You know Uncle Malcolm passed last year. She's lonely, and I think we could be good company for each other," she explained.

Nick tried to understand. "So you're selling the house?"

"I don't want to," she admitted. "And I don't need the money. Your father's pension still gives me all I need to live on."

"Then what are you going to do with the house?"

"I thought maybe you'd like to have it."

He blinked at her in surprise. "You…you're just going to give me the house?"

"If you want it. I know it's a bit further from the police station, but you've lived in that tiny flat for far too long. And now with what's happened, you might not want to live there anymore. I know this place obviously has memories for you, too, but they're very different, I hope."

Nick was gobsmacked. "I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything, dear. Just think about it. It isn't urgent. But what with Marlene getting married and moving to St. Kilda, you and your sisters living all on your own, it's harder and harder to be here by myself. Even if you don't want to live in the house, I hope you might want to keep it anyway. And the treehouse, too." She stroked his hair one last time. "Just a thought. Now come inside and wash up to help me in the kitchen. Jill went to pick up Tara from the airport, and they should be home for dinner anytime."

Nancy turned and went back inside the house. Nick stood out there on his own for a moment, still a bit shell-shocked. Somehow, this birthday had turned out even stranger than he'd imagined.


	28. Chapter 28

The sound of gunshots made Jen smile. She was at the practice range with some of the other officers. Nothing relieved tension more than firing off a few rounds and getting in some good shots. She'd rarely had cause to use a firearm with the State Police, but being SIS tended to have much more dangerous operations. Gun safety and skill were much higher priorities for her now. And through diligent work, Jen had become one of the best marksmen in the whole Sydney branch.

"Good lord, look at you! We should start selling tickets to your practice!"

Jen turned to grin proudly at Kira, her fellow officer. "Oh I dunno about that, but it does feel good to be good at something," Jen replied modestly.

Matt came over to join the pair. He heard what Jen said and nudged her in the ribs playfully. "You're good at everything, Jen."

There was simply no response to that, so Jen just kept smiling.

The agents locked their guns back up and left the range to go meet Kira's boyfriend, Steve. He was an analyst in their office and the group had become fast friends thanks to working so closely all together. They would go out for a few drinks and a bite to eat about once a week. Just a bit of harmless fun. That was what Jen had in mind, anyway.

They were interrupted as they walked down the street and heard a mighty shriek. "JENNIFER MAPPLETHORPE!"

Jen whirled around and saw a woman marching toward her, a woman Jen honestly never thought she'd see again. "You lot go ahead, I've got to…"

"You want some help?" Kira offered.

"No, it's fine. I'll handle it," Jen insisted.

"I don't think I should leave you here, Jen," Matt said with worry. He put a protective hand on Jen's shoulder which did actually succeed in making her feel a bit safer.

She gave him a soft smile. "I promise, I'm fine."

Matt nodded and went to catch up with Kira.

Thankfully, they'd had left the vicinity by the time the woman crossed the street and reached where Jennifer was waiting.

"Hello, Tara."

The younger woman stormed up and snarled, "You've got some bloody nerve going about with some other guy like nothing's happened. After what you did to Nick? Have you got no heart at all!?"

Jen immediately felt like she was going to vomit. The last thing she expected wandering around her neighborhood was running into her ex-sister-in-law. "What are you doing here, Tara?" she asked, ignoring the rude accusations.

"My boyfriend lives on that block. What are you doing here?" Tara asked her angrily.

"I live a few streets over," Jen admitted.

Tara stared at her in slight shock, her angry tirade ending for the moment. "You've been here all this time?"

"Six months in Canberra, then here, yeah."

"He's visited me. Twice, since you left him."

"I didn't leave him," Jen snapped, arguing through the ice running through her veins. "I work here. My life is here. And his life is there. And that's alright, honestly. He's doing exactly what he should be doing on Homicide, and I'm happy for him."

Tara scoffed, "I'm glad you're happy for him, but he's been miserable since the day you left him."

"I didn't leave him!"

"That's not what your divorce papers said," Tara fired back.

Jen frowned. "How do you know that?"

"We talked about it. At his birthday."

The nauseous feeling tripled as Jen suddenly realized that she'd not remembered Nick's birthday for the first time in her entire life. It had just been a few weeks earlier. Not that she would have sent a gift or card or anything to her ex-husband, but to think that she'd not given a single thought to it…

Jen could feel Tara watching her as she tried her best not to cry. She kept her eyes on the pavement under her feet. Tara didn't say anything. She'd always been the slightly more pensive of Nick's twin sisters. Jill was always the louder one, though both girls had been quite catty when they were younger. Living on her own, Tara seemed to have figured out the power of observation.

"How…how is he?" Jen finally asked.

"Divorced. Miserable. I dunno what you expected."

The vitriol of Tara's tone was quite shocking, and it shook Jen out of her nauseous shame and into indignant anger. "Do you have any idea what it was like? To go somewhere all on my own, to be without him for the first time in my entire life and then not be able to share it with him? I signed the Official Secrets Act, Tara. I couldn't tell him anything. Not where I was, not what I was doing, nothing! Don't you think I would have loved nothing more than to have him come visit me? Don't you think I wish I'd known he was here visiting you? But being apart broke us utterly and completely. We didn't have anything remotely resembling a marriage anymore, and that wasn't fair to either of us. I've got my life now, and he's got his."

"Nick loves you more than anything, Jen, and you've been so selfish."

"He was the one who told me to go! I would have never even applied if he hadn't pushed me to. You think I wanted to leave him behind? I didn't want to go! Nick practically packed my bag for me and pushed me out the door," Jen defended. She had never said that out loud to anyone before. She'd never admitted the pressure she felt to join SIS in spite of her misgivings.

"Well I think that's because all he's wanted to so since he was seven years old was make sure you're happy," Tara said quietly.

Jen's voice cracked as she felt the last of the floodgates open in her walled-up heart. "He wanted me to go, and he let me go. He never even tried to get me to come home. Didn't even try to fight the divorce. Just signed the papers."

"He assumed that's what you wanted, why you sent the papers to him."

"But he didn't even ask. He didn't call or anything."

"You didn't call him either." Tara shrugged and shook her head. "What's done is done. It's all over now. So I guess this didn't matter."

Jen wiped her eyes and swallowed the lump in her throat. "Guess so."

Despite their heated words a moment before, Tara gave Jen a tight hug. "Sorry I attacked you like that. I'll smile the next time I see you on the street."

"I'd like that," Jen replied softly.

Tara sighed. "You know, you were a good sister there for a while."

"So were you."

She smiled. "Go catch up with your mates. I'll see you around, Jen."

"See you, Tara."

Jennifer watched Nick's baby sister walk down the street and shook herself a bit. Time to go have fun. Salvage the evening as best she could and not let that encounter bother her until late at night when every word would surely play back in her mind. She hurried to the pub down the road where she knew Kira, Steve, and Matt were waiting, likely with more of their crew as well.

Matt had been watching the door for Jen to arrive, and he immediately got up to greet her. "Hey, everything alright? Who was that lunatic?"

Jen allowed him to put his arm around her comfortingly. "Just someone from my old life. We had some words. It's fine." She looked up at him and forced herself to smile. "What are we drinking?"

The pair went to the bar and Matt ordered for her. While they were waiting, away from their crowd of friends, Matt studied Jennifer's face.

"Why are you staring at me?"

"Because you're really pretty and I like to look at you."

Jen felt herself blush. "You're sweet."

"Hey Jen?"

"Yeah?"

"Could I take you out sometime? To dinner or something?"

A violent wave of nausea passed through Jen's body—likely residue of her very uncomfortable confrontation with Tara Buchanan—followed very quickly with a bloom of happy warmth. This was the first time a man had asked her on a date since she was fifteen years old. And with her whole body vibrating with a very strange sort of adrenaline, Jen replied, "Yeah, that would be really nice."


	29. Chapter 29

Duncan Freeman sat at his desk, absent-mindedly tapping his wedding ring on the edge of his computer keyboard. His eyes darted back and forth, from Simon to Nick. Both of them his best mates in the world, both of them quietly losing control.

Well, maybe not so quietly.

Simon had just been cleared from the investigation into him after two suspects he'd threatened ended up brutally injured. One had tumbled off the end of a balcony and just woke up from a coma, not knowing that his mate had claimed Simon pushed him over, and confessed to having stumbled on his own. The other, a man who claimed Si had threatened him with a chain around his neck, had been killed by his step-daughter's boyfriend before texting Simon from the dead man's phone to frame him for the murder. All of it such a mess.

And now Simon was back at work with a clean record. His eyes darted around in a wild, panicked fashion. He looked like a caged animal desperate for an escape. Duncan knew that Simon wasn't a killer and would never do the things those crims had accused him of, but he also knew that Simon hadn't been quite right in a long time. And even if he hadn't killed anyone yet, it might be just a matter of time. Duncan hated to think of it that way, hated to imagine such a thing about his friend. But this felt serious.

Duncan shifted his gaze over to Nick. Poor Nick. It felt wrong to pity him. Nick Buchanan was always the man who had it all. Since the first day they'd met, Duncan had looked up to Nick. Nick who always had it figured out, Nick who was settled and stable, Nick who had a gorgeous wife and the perfect job and everything anyone could ever want. While Duncan and Simon and the rest of their mates were out shagging anything that moved, Nick was holding Jennifer in his arms, and all the guys knew that Nick was happier than any of them could dream of.

But that was all gone now. The Nick Buchanan who sat across the way from Duncan now was divorced and quite possibly on his way to as much destruction as Simon. Different, to be sure, but no less dangerous.

Nick's mobile rang, jolting him out of his barely focused work. "Hello?" Duncan watched as Nick smiled, though there was no joy in his lifeless eyes. "Juliette, hi…Yeah, I could meet you for a drink…Sure, I'll see you then."

After he hung up, Duncan decided to dip his toe into the water. "Hot date tonight?"

"Yeah, I guess," Nick replied, mildly embarrassed.

"This a new one?"

Nick obviously caught Duncan's slightly critical tone. "I've been out with her a few times. It's just a rebound fling. No big deal," he defended.

But Duncan kept pushing. "And how many rebounds did you have before this Juliette?"

Now Nick was properly angry. "Listen here, mate, I didn't bother you when you were out spreading it around all over town before Clare came on the scene. You've got no right to be judgmental now that we're in opposite positions."

"I was twenty-five when I was acting like that. Nick, you're too old to be acting like this."

"Well, when you were twenty-five, I was happily married! And if I still was, we wouldn't be having this conversation!"

"Give it a rest, you lot," Simon growled. "Who cares how many girls Nick's dating? Who cares if Duncan's married to a crackhead?"

"You shut up about her, Simon!" Duncan fired back, nearly ready to leap out of his chair and punch him hard in the face. Clare had been in rehab for the last two weeks, and it would be a few more weeks before he was allowed to go see her.

"All of you settle down right now before I start putting you in lockup!"

The three of them all turned to see Commander Waverley angrily barking at their testosterone-fueled aggression towards each other.

"Sorry, ma'am," Nick grumbled, turning his attention back to his computer screen.

Duncan nodded and kept his mouth shut. Simon, on the other hand, stood up and roughly shoved his chair against the desk before storming out of the police station. Duncan watched him go and could not help sighing. They were all coming apart, it seemed.

Two weeks went by. Simon had handed Wolfie his resignation. Nick had allowed the bevvy of bimbos dwindle down to just two he traded between. Duncan took the weekend off to see Clare at her facility. And when he got back, Nick asked him to go for a drink at the pub.

"Here we are, mate," Nick announcing, bringing two pints over to the table for Duncan and himself.

"What's the occasion?"

Nick shrugged. "Just wanted to get out and relax with a friend. That alright?"

Dunny smiled. "Yeah. It's been a while."

"That it has," Nick said with a nod before taking a sip of his beer. "So how's Clare doing?"

They talked about Duncan's tragic, beautiful, troubled wife for a little while. She had tried to give it up on her own, particularly because she'd married a cop, but in the fashion industry, it seemed to be everywhere. She had checked herself into rehab as a last resort when Duncan threatened to walk out on her. Apparently she had told him when he visited that she would be quitting modeling and try to get a job in sales. "And how about you, Nick? How are you doing?"

Nick waved him off. "Oh I'm fine."

"I'm serious," Duncan insisted.

That lifeless, sad look returned to Nick's eyes. The genial mask fell away. "It's still a lot to get used to. I know she's been gone for years, really, but I guess a part of me was still hanging on to the hope that she'd come back. That's she'd…that she'd want to come back. And deep down, I knew from the moment she got on that plane that I'd lost her. I just didn't want to believe it. I really thought she loved me."

"She did," Dunny assured him. "She did love you. But you two were together your whole lives. Right next door since you were kids. You never had to handle any sort of distance or any real problems."

"And we just couldn't make it work," Nick finished sadly.

"It happens. Marriage is hard work. I know that, now."

Nick finished the last swallow of his beer and sighed heavily. "We were too young. We thought we knew better, thought we could make it work. Bloody stupid kids, we were."

Duncan was quiet for a moment, watching his friend stare into the empty pint glass. "You're gonna be okay, Nick," he said quietly.

Another silence fell between them before Nick looked up and gave a soft smile. "Yeah."

"I'll get the next round." Duncan got up and went over to the bar to get them each another beer. How many times had he done this, bringing back four glasses instead of two? How many times had he and Clare gone out with Nick and Jen, having a grand time all together? Those days were all gone now. Clare would be coming home in another month, but Duncan wanted to be careful with her, not cause too much temptation. But Jennifer…Jennifer wasn't coming home.

When Duncan returned with their drinks, Nick was smiling properly. "You know what I just remembered?"

"What?"

"That time you got so pissed, you did a somersault in your own vomit."

Duncan started chuckling. "And you threw me outside and hosed me down!"

They both recalled the ridiculous follies of their youth, devolving into hysterics. And it struck Duncan that this was the first time he'd seen Nick laugh like this in a very long time.

He was going to be alright.


	30. Chapter 30

_Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt_ , she reminded herself. She tried not to say his name out loud. Or any name out loud. She just let breathy moans escape her lips. Nothing more. Couldn't dare have anything more.

He was a good kisser. The kissing was nice. His lips were full and plump, and he had a tendency to suck hard on her lower lip in a way that made her shiver. Jen had assumed that the good kissing was a sign of good things to follow.

They had been kissing on the sofa of her flat. His hands roamed her body, as they had when they'd done that before. He'd been very respectful so far. But Jen had decided that this would be the night for them. After all, it was his birthday. And they'd been dating for almost two months. They'd taken things slow so far, but Jen knew that tonight would be the right time.

He pulled her on top of his lap. The dress she was wearing rode up to her waist and she took a moment to pull it off. She'd worn some red lace things in anticipation for this moment. The first man who'd seen her in her knickers in two years.

"Wow," he whispered, gazing at her body writhing on top of him.

Jen didn't respond, just pulled his face back to hers for more kissing. Matt surprised her then by gathering her in his arms and carrying her to the bedroom and laying her down on the bed. She lay there, splayed out before him, smiling, trying not to feel nervous for what was to come. Because why should she be nervous? Jen had obviously had plenty of sex before. But never with Matt. Never with anyone, actually, except…

 _Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt_ , she chanted over and over in her mind. His lips dragged down her neck, far too lightly to make her feel anything. His tongue on her breasts felt rather nice, but he didn't linger there. Kisses down her belly, taking the edge of her knickers between his teeth. Jen laughed breathily at that. He was fun. Matt was sweet and nice and fun. A good sign. He sat up and undressed himself, undoing the rest of the buttons Jen had begun on the sofa before. She watched him, feeling the smallest pang of disappointment. His body was fine. Just…fine.

And before she knew it, he'd slipped the condom on and crawled over the bed to her. He kissed up one of her calves and once between her legs before he was suddenly kissing her mouth again, and she felt him enter her rather abruptly. She wrapped her legs around his waist to encourage him deeper, tried to move her hips with his to find a rhythm. It was a pleasant feeling, but hardly satisfying.

"Oh, Jennifer," he groaned before stilling inside her.

She did the best she could to paste a smile on her face and wish him a happy birthday. What else was she supposed to do?

He climbed off her and went to the bathroom to do away with the condom. Jen pulled the sheet over her naked body and stared at the ceiling. That was…that was it? Was that really all there was? She turned over and glanced at the clock. Fifteen minutes from when he'd taken his clothes off to when he'd finished. Jen knew she shouldn't be angry, that it was only their first time together and perhaps Matt was just nervous or something.

When he returned, he got back into bed with her and she cuddled against him. She didn't say anything. Didn't want to say anything. Part of her wanted to hide in the bathtub and have a good cry. Part of her wanted to throw him out of her flat and shout angrily. But she did neither of those things. Jen just kept her head on his shoulder and her hand on his chest as he stroked her bare arm. She stayed quiet.

Eventually, she couldn't take it anymore. Jen got out of bed and went to the bathroom with her bra and knickers to put her things back on. She saw herself in the mirror, hair mussed and lips swollen. But there was absolutely no light in her eyes. She sighed quietly.

Oh it was all such a mess! What was she doing? What was the bloody point of any of it? Was disappointing sex where she didn't even come better than the loneliness of being a depressed divorcée? Perhaps it was. Perhaps she'd ruined her only chance at happiness with the best man who ever lived, and this was the penance she had to pay. Jennifer had never been religious. She'd gone to a few Catholic services, but none of it really stuck. Maybe if she'd gotten baptized, none of this would have happened. Though if she'd ever been a proper Catholic, she never would have gotten divorced.

"Jen, you okay?"

Matt sounded worried. He shouldn't be worried. That wasn't fair. "Fine!" she called back. She had no idea how long she'd been standing there naked, staring at her face in the mirror. But enough of that now.

She quickly got dressed again and came out of the bathroom, forcing a smile.

"I've got cake for your birthday," she told him. "I bought it, I'm afraid. I'm no good at baking." And it was true, she never was very good cakes and things. In their house, she could do a decent breakfast or plan a nice dinner, but desserts were always his realm. And now, well…

Jen and Matt both sat at her kitchen table, eating cake, smiling and giggling, barely talking. Jen was glad for it. She was glad he was happy, was trying her best to match his mood, was happy to not have to try to find conversation. She rather hoped he'd leave soon.

But he really was ever so sweet. Maybe the sex would get better. Maybe she could find a way to guide him towards doing better for her, to teach him, if need be. Jen might not have slept with more than one man before, but she certainly knew what she liked and needed in bed. She'd just have to figure out a way to make sex enjoyable for them both next time. Or perhaps the time after that. Or whatever.

After Matt eventually did leave that night, Jennifer wandered around her flat at something of a loss. She wasn't angry anymore, and she wasn't really even sad. She just felt…empty.

Maybe that was something she'd have to get used to.


	31. Chapter 31

For the first time in his career, Nick was the experienced copper on the team. He and Duncan and Simon were all around the same level, but with changes in the caseload attribution and with Simon having left, two new detectives—two very young detectives—had joined the squad. It was odd to be in a mentoring role, but Nick found he liked it in a way. Rhys and Allie both had the makings of great Homicide detectives, but they both certainly needed some handholding. Christ, had he ever been so young and stupid?

Rhys Levitt was highly educated with his psychology degree from Oxford and extremely well connected with his aunt Bernice Waverly as the Superintendent of Homicide. But even though nepotism had obviously played a factor in getting Rhys his position, he held it well. Smart as a whip and a complete go-getter. Yes, he was a bit flash and certainly wet behind the ears, but Nick liked him when he wasn't exasperated by him. For all his fancy schooling, Rhys was a bit of an idiot due to his inexperience, and Nick took a strange pride in showing him the way.

Allie Kingston, on the other hand, was rough and stubborn and brash. She had the vicious vulnerability of a wild animal backed into a corner. She would lash out at anyone and everyone who didn't give her the respect she thought she deserved. And most of the time, she thought just a bit too highly of herself. She had really good instincts, though, and she was hungry to solve cases. Nick found her extremely off-putting but he wanted to help her nonetheless.

Where Rhys was a lost puppy eager Nick to lead him home, Allie was a feral cat in need of Nick's firm but patient support. She needed someone in her corner. Duncan couldn't be bothered, liked to keep well out of it all. But Nick had a bit more of a heart. Perhaps it was because he was lonely, having given up on rampant dating. Whatever it was, he'd become the shepherd to the new detectives.

One quiet afternoon, Nick was trying to review phone records and surreptitiously watching as Allie and Rhys stole looks at each other. He tried to keep hope that they'd be smart, that they wouldn't let this infantile attraction between them wouldn't get in the way of the job. But he could see the writing on the wall.

Wolfie came over and sent Duncan and Rhys out to talk to a witness, leaving Nick and Allie at their desks to get on with their background checks.

"Oi," Allie called, getting Nick's attention.

"Yeah?" he replied, turning toward her.

She rolled her chair across to his desk and leaned in conspiratorially. "What do you reckon about Rhys?"

Nick was slightly taken aback. "He's a bit young and new, but I think he's good. He's learning."

"I think he's a bit of a tosser, really. I don't care who is aunt is, he's got no business being here."

"And you think you do?" he fired back.

"At least I got out of uniform more than twenty minutes ago," she defended.

Nick shrugged. "I dunno, Allie, you might have more street experience, but I think Rhys is going to be the one promoted past all the rest of us before you know it."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, sure, since all the brass cares about is who looks good at a press conference."

"Maybe. Or maybe he knows better what he's about. You'd do alright keeping to yourself a bit more and not mooning over him when you're supposed to be looking at bank statements," he scolded.

Allie's jaw dropped in a comical 'O' shape. But she quickly laughed and swatted Nick's arm. Something about the familiar action reminded him of someone it shouldn't, and a shiver of nausea flickered through him. But Allie was just grinning and said, "I wasn't mooning over Rhys, of all people. But I think it's interesting you've been spending so much time watching who I'm looking at."

Nick gave a tight-lipped smile and desperately prayed for her to go away and stop trying to flirt with him.

There was a brief silence between them before Allie asked, "Hey Nick?"

"Yeah?"

"You wanna get a drink sometime?"

He did his best to brush it off. "We can all go out after this case like we usually do."

"No, I mean just…just with me."

There was a strange screeching sound echoing through Nick's mind at the very thought. "I don't think that's such a good idea, Allie."

"Right, no, sorry," she said quickly, turning away.

He continued, wanting to let her down easy. "I mean, we're on the same crew. And I'm a little old for you anyway."

That made her laugh. "I don't know how old you think I am. Or how old you think you are."

"Believe me, I'm too old for you. You're just getting started, Allie. You're strong and still optimistic."

"And that makes you weak and pessimistic, eh?" she teased.

He shrugged. "Something like that. And I know you're a bit jealous of Rhys, but I have seen the way you two watch each other, and you'd be well-suited. But remember what I said about being on the same crew."

Allie regarded him curiously. "How'd you get so wise, Nick? I mean, I know you say you're too old for me, but you're really not that old. You've not been doing this long enough to be giving sage advice."

"Call it lessons of a broken heart," he replied flippantly, though he heard the bitter edge of his own voice.

She smiled at him in a sweet but patronizing manner. "Who broke your heart?"

"My wife," he admitted.

"Your wife? You're married?!"

"Divorced."

That shut her up rather quickly.

Nick waved her off. "I might not be old in years, but old in heartbreak. Now go get back to work before Waverley comes by and has another reason to hate you."

Allie groaned, "Oh god, she really does hate me, the cow!"

With a great laugh, Nick pointed to her and with mock severity, cautioned, "See, things like that. That's why she hates you!"

They both returned to their tasks. Nick stared at the computer screen but didn't actually see anything. He was too busy trying to decide if he was flattered by Allie's attention or mortified by it. Perhaps a healthy dose of both. But he meant what he told her. He felt old and past it all. Of course, he was at the prime of his career, just on the cusp of advancement. It was probably time to start thinking about going for sergeant.

He'd once been ambitious about his career, wanting to advance, wanting to be able to have better hours and better pay. But that had been when he was planning on supporting a family. Now he was all on his own. His heartbreak and foolish attempts to assuage it had aged him to the point where he was just exhausted by everything. The drama and excitement of the job weren't affecting him as they once did. Perhaps it was time for a change. After all, that's what she had done. Found a new path, found something to get her excited. Found something to take her away from Melbourne. Nick certainly wouldn't be leaving the city. He didn't want that at all. But maybe he could find a secondment with something to get him excited, something to challenge and push him. Something that made him feel less dead and lonely inside.


	32. Chapter 32

"Maplethorpe, how's it going?"

Jennifer turned when Agent Jarvis mispronounced her name. Always the same with him. She sighed internally. "Very well, sir. We've worked everything out with the Claybournes. They're getting their operations ready to transfer over to us before they go to witness protection. That way, when we go to Melbourne, there won't be anything to trace back here in Sydney."

Jarvis nodded. "Good. And Ryan's got things in hand?"

She had to smile a bit at that. Matt had recently been promoted. This was his first major operation that he would be supervising. And she was really proud of him. He was a great officer and he deserved this opportunity. Plus, he never was really good in the field, and having him behind the scenes organizing was a better place for him. "He's got everything sorted, sir."

With another nod, Jarvis went on his way. Matt came to her desk almost immediately. "What was that about?" he asked.

"Jarvis just checking in. You know him. Doesn't want to be bothered with the details but wants to keep abreast of progress."

"He asked about me?"

"Just asked if you've got things in hand. Which you do, and I told him so."

Matt exhaled in relief. "Thanks, Jen. I couldn't do this without you. My first operation. I'm glad you're on it."

"You know Tom and I won't let you down, boss," she teased, nudging him playfully with her shoulder. That was all she'd allow, of course. She and Matt had continued casually seeing each other for the last few months, but they had agreed to keep this new operation strictly professional, it being Matt's first operation as supervisor and all. Besides, they were both busy with the job, so neither pushed for anything more. Jen certainly didn't want more. She wasn't even sure she wanted what they already had, but there was no real need to break his heart, so she just let it be. And anyway, they were all part of the same friend group. If she did anything to jeopardize the friends she'd made at SIS, she would be well and truly lost.

Because truth be told, she'd been starting to lose interest in all of it. What was once exciting was now just exhausting. She had never liked the secret-keeping of it all, but at least with her friends, she had people she could talk to about it. Without them, she'd be alone. And Jen really didn't think the job would be enough for her if she was alone. Thank goodness for this new operation, though. It would be the first long-term undercover op she'd been on. She'd done things for a day or two here and there, but this had the potential to go on for months. It would be good to really dig in deep, put her skills to the test, and, more than anything else, just escape life for a while.

Tom Quinn, Jennifer's partner for this operation, came by to check on her progress. "How goes it, Trish?" he asked, calling her by her new alias.

"Very well, Wesley," she replied, using his new name as well. "I've been working on memorizing everything about the import/export business that the real Claybournes gave us. Since Trish manages most of the operations while Wesley does the wheeling and dealing with the smuggling and gun-running, I'll need to know what I'm supposed to be doing."

"Good on you," Tom said. "I'm behind on my memorization, but I've gotta wrap up this drugs thing first."

"Hasn't that gotten sorted yet?" she asked with concern. That operation was supposed to have concluded well before they started up in Melbourne.

"Not yet. We had some delays. The dealer got the flu, can you believe that? So everything had to be pushed back a week. But we'll get the arrest and then I'll learn everything on the plane to Melbourne the next day with you," he reasoned with a charming smile.

"You do know it's only a ninety-minute fight," Jen pointed out.

"I think I can learn our birthdays and wedding anniversary in that time," Tom teased.

Jen just rolled her eyes and got back to her work. She knew she didn't have to worry about Tom. He was a really good agent. She trusted that he would get the job done.

Like herself, he'd grown up in Melbourne. That's why they'd specifically been chosen for the assignment. It was hard enough to pretend to be another person. It was even harder to do it in an unfamiliar place. This way, she and Tom would already be familiar with their surroundings, which would only help with their operation. They were lucky, too. Jen and Tom were the only people on the team from Melbourne but they were also the only people on the team who could pass for the real Trish and Wesley Claybourne. Jen and Trish were both slim and blonde and in their early thirties. Tom and Wesley were both tall with darker hair and thirty-four. Not twins by any stretch, but Jen and Tom could pass with general descriptions. Which was exactly what they needed.

She smiled to herself. This was exactly what she needed. Exactly what she'd wanted from the first moment she'd even applied to SIS. This was the kind of work she wanted to do. They had one more week in Sydney to get everything arranged and then they'd be in Melbourne, living out of a hotel, for about a week before the (fake) Claybournes officially moved into their new house in a quiet little suburb. Jen had already checked, and she'd be living in the neighborhood nearby where she'd worked in that shop before she finished school. Which was across town from where she'd grown up and not too close to where she'd lived when she had been with the State Police. The last thing they needed was for her to run into people who knew her. Luckily, she knew where her old crowd—colleagues and family alike—spent their time. She'd just have to avoid those areas. But even so, it felt so good to be getting to go back to Melbourne. She'd missed it since the day she left. It was the people she missed more than anything, of course, but the city itself had been a part of her life since she was six years old. It would always be home, in a way. And Jen wanted to go back home.


	33. Chapter 33

Agent Matt Ryan wiped his hands on his trousers as he waited in the lift. He wanted to appear cool and calm, wanted to look like he was in control. Inside, he was panicking. But he couldn't let anyone else know that. He was a supervising officer of the Australian Secret Intelligence Service. He was running an undercover operation into gunrunning out of Melbourne. He needed people to believe that he could do that. And for that to happen, he would need to make sure his hands weren't sweaty when he greeted the police.

Matt was a bit impressed with himself for his quick thinking. Because the operation nearly failed before it even began. He and Jennifer and a couple analysts arrived in Melbourne three days earlier. They were supposed to have a whole week to prepare as a team before they actually got things started. Tom was supposed to meet them the day after, once he'd finished tying up the loose ends of his drugs case. Only he hadn't joined them. Because the bloody idiot got himself shot.

And so Matt had spent the last two days being yelled at by Jarvis to figure something out, since their lead officer was now recovering in hospital for the foreseeable future. They needed a Wesley Claybourne, and they needed him fast. There wasn't anyone out of the Sydney office who fit the bill. Everyone was either the wrong physical profile or already busy in another operation. Matt had tried looking through lists of agents in Canberra when he thought more closely about what they needed for this operation. One of the main reasons he'd picked Tom was to have someone who knew his way around Melbourne. And who better to know their way around Melbourne than someone who worked there already? He'd called the Victoria State Police and was put in touch with someone named Stanley Wolfe and asked if he had anyone who was trained for undercover work.

"One. He just got his certification last month. I can send you his CV and arrange for you to meet with him, if you like," Wolfe offered.

Matt heaved a sigh of relief. "Yes, please, that would be great. But for right now, can you give me a quite physical description of who you've got in mind?"

"Tall, lean but strong. Tan but not dark. Medium brown hair. Would you like his shoe size, or is that enough?"

That description sounded exactly like the profile Matt was looking for. He couldn't believe his luck. "Send me his CV now, and I'll be in your office tomorrow at ten o'clock tomorrow to meet with him."

After Matt hung up the phone, he went down the hall from his office to the open area where the surveillance feeds were being set up. Jennifer was there talking to one of the analysts, who was in the process of explaining how things would work at the Claybourne house. Matt interrupted.

"Jen, I think I've found someone."

She turned toward him and smiled, always supportive of him on the job. "Yeah? Who?"

"Local cop. He's got undercover certification. The supervisor told me his physical profile, and he sounds perfect."

"Sounds great! Some sergeant? What department?" she asked curiously.

Matt shrugged. "Dunno. The supervisor is sending me the CV, but I'm gonna meet him tomorrow. If he seems good, I'll bring him right in. That way you two will have a couple days to get acquainted and you can fill him in on the brief."

Jen nodded. "Good idea, boss. Hopefully he works out."

And so that was how Matt Ryan ended up in the elevator at the Victoria State Police headquarters. The elevator doors opened and Matt tried his best to put on his best façade of calm. "Excuse me, can you direct me to Stanley Wolfe's office, please?" he asked.

A tall, blandly attractive man in a green shirt turned and gave a polite smile. "Sure, Senior Sergeant Wolfe's office is straight that way on the right. His name's on the door."

Matt uttered his grateful thanks and followed the directions from the detective—sergeant? Superintendent?—toward Wolfe's office. It was very easy to find. "Pardon me, Stanley Wolfe? I'm Matt Ryan."

"Oh yes, from SIS, hello." The man stood, being very tall and distinguished looking himself, and shook Matt's hand.

"And where might I find this undercover-certified cop of yours?" Matt asked, hoping his impatience came off as commanding and important, not anxious and awkward.

"I'll bring him in." Wolfe poked his head out of his office and called, "Nick!"

The man in the green shirt who had directed Matt earlier stood up from a desk and walked over. "Hello again," he said, smiling kindly at Matt once again.

Matt looked him over with great scrutiny as Wolfe closed the door to his office and introduced them all. "This is Nick Buchanan, one of my senior Homicide detectives. Nick, this is Agent Matt Ryan of SIS."

To his credit, Nick only raised his brows in surprise; he had no other reaction.

"Your senior sergeant sent me your CV, Detective Buchanan. You have an impressive history with the State Police. And you've just been certified for undercover work?"

"Yes, sir, I wanted to improve my skills," Nick replied.

Matt nodded. "And have you had much experience with high-risk field work?"

"As far as my line of work, yes. I don't know about your definition. I've been shot at, and I know how to use a firearm, if that's what you're asking," Nick answered somewhat flippantly.

Even while trying to be powerful and in control and authoritative, Matt couldn't help but crack a smile. This Detective Nick Buchanan seemed like the right fit. Maybe no Tom Quinn, but at least with Jen there to guide him, this Nick could probably fare alright.

Matt turned to Wolfe. "I'll be sending the transfer paperwork later today."

Wolfe just nodded.

Nick looked from Matt to Wolfe curiously. "Sorry?"

"You'll be seconded to SIS for the duration of Agent Ryan's operation," Wolfe explained.

"Assuming that's alright with you, of course," Matt added, for the sake of good manners.

"For how long?"

"Three months."

That seemed to rattle Nick a bit, but he recomposed himself quickly. "When do I start?" he asked.

And at that, Matt did give a proper smile. "I'll take you to our operations base right now. My officers will brief you on the basics today, and then you can spend this evening getting your affairs in order. You'll have two days to learn your legend before you and your partner will be going undercover. I'll explain further when we get there."

Nick gave a curt nod in agreement. "I'll get my jacket."

Matt led Nick down the lift to his car in the garage. "So you've been a cop for almost fifteen years?" he asked, feeling like the silence between them was a bit deafening.

"Yeah, right out of school."

"Same for me. I was with New South Wales State Police for about ten years before I joined SIS."

"And now you're a…sorry, I don't know how you lot do rank."

"Don't worry about it too much. I'm supervising this operation, but you can just call me Matt. My boss is back in Sydney, but he'll probably be checking in a couple times during the next couple months in person. Him we call Sir."

Nick chuckled at that.

The silence fell between them again, which Matt found to be quite uncomfortable. Though perhaps he found it uncomfortable because Nick seemed to be so unaffected. The was seated in the front seat of Matt's car, his long legs spread out wide and comfortably. He had a rather impassive look on his face. Matt had to admit he was impressed. This Homicide detective just got recruited to an undercover operation with SIS and had taken it all in stride. He was steady, this one. And Matt was immensely pleased to see it. That steady presence would go well with Jennifer's focused and undistracted mindset. She was all business when it counted, and she would probably appreciate Nick's cool energy on the operation. All in all, Matt was finally feeling some shred of hope that this operation might go alright.

"Oh crap," Matt swore. He realized he was getting lost. Melbourne was an unfamiliar city to him, and he was still finding his way around.

"Where are we trying to get?" Nick asked, sitting up to attention.

"Church and Dow. And I know it's near Clarendon, but I think I missed the turn."

"No, you're alright. Dow is a one-way. You turn right up there on Napier and then you can loop around with a right on Cecil and then up Dow," Nick directed.

Matt was pleased beyond belief. Nick knew this city. He knew it very well. And he was still so calm and collected about everything. There was an ease about him that Matt was liking more and more, despite having met the man only an hour earlier. "You know this area?" he asked.

"It's been a while, but I used to work on Vice and I had an informant who lived around here. I live way on the other side of town, other direction from the station," Nick told him.

"Hopefully no one will recognize you when you're undercover around here."

"Shouldn't think so. That was one of the notes I got in my training. Apparently I'm 'blendable.'"

Matt was pleased to hear it. "That's really good. Means you're able to fit in wherever you are, so people don't notice you. Best way to do undercover work, to not draw attention to yourself." Matt himself had never been very blendable. Jen liked to tease him about it, that people always noticed him enter a room, and wasn't that nice? Not for the job, perhaps, but definitely nice to hear from an almost-sometimes girlfriend. He shook his head. No use thinking about his personal relationship with Jennifer right now. They had work to get on with.

When they finally arrived at the old warehouse, Matt entered the code on the keypad so they could park inside. They both got out of the car, and Matt led the way to the main office. Everyone was busy working away. With an air of self-importance—after all, he was heading the operation—Matt announced, "Everyone, we've got a new Wesley Claybourne!"

He was too busy smiling as the team applauded to notice that Jennifer had turned around and suddenly stopped breathing. He was also too busy to notice that Nick had similarly suddenly stopped breathing.


	34. Chapter 34

There was no air in the room. There was no sound. There was no sense of time or space. It was like Jennifer's soul left her body and floated up to watch the scene.

And then Matt and Nick were walking toward her. Matt she only saw out of her peripheral vision. But he was watching her, like he often did, and she had to put up a good front before he started asking questions.

Nick approached, and as he got closer, he seemed to have the same out-of-body expression that she did. Jen wasn't sure whether or not she appreciated that. But she had to get over that and just get through the next few minutes with her sanity somehow intact.

Her consciousness snapped back to reality as she held out her hand and pasted a smile on her face. "Hi, Jennifer Mapplethorpe." She prayed that Nick would understand just from the pointed look in her eye that was hopefully too subtle for Matt to notice or comprehend.

He smiled back at her and shook her hand. "Nick Buchanan." Feeling his touch and hearing his voice nearly brought her too her knees, but Jen persevered.

She turned to her supervisor. "Matt, why don't you update Jarvis, and I can introduce Nick to the team, and then Nick can be briefed," she suggested.

"Good idea, thanks, Jen." Matt turned and took out his mobile to call their boss back in Sydney.

Jen, praising her own quick thinking that had worked so well, led Nick to a quiet corner away from where everyone else was hard at work. She whispered emphatically at him, trying desperately to ignore the way he leaned in close to her. "Do not say anything. You cannot let anyone know that we know each other. It would be a conflict of interest, and one or both of us would be taken off the operation, and we haven't got the time for that. You were a last-ditch effort to save a plan that's been months in the making, and we can't afford to delay. Please, Nick, please just pretend like you don't know me."

He was quiet for a moment, his head bent toward her, his face only a few inches from hers. A distance that was not professional or impersonal in the least. "Did you know?" he asked, not responding to her pleading until he got answers of his own.

"No, of course not. Matt just said he found a local cop with undercover training. That could have been anyone," she told him.

"What would you have done if you knew?" he murmured quietly.

She swallowed hard. "I…I don't know."

The corners of Nick's mouth twitched infinitesimally, and he stood up straight again. "Okay, Agent Mapplethorpe. Introduce me to your team."

Jennifer's whole body felt like it was buzzing. Probably the shock and adrenaline of it all. But this was her job, her training for unexpected surprises. She would muddle her way through and no one would be the wiser. As soon as she could, though, she needed to be somewhere by herself. Far away from Nick. Though in two days, that wouldn't be an option anymore.

Christ, why did it have to be him? Why was he the only man in the State Police with undercover training who could match the Wesley Claybourne profile? And actually, why did he have undercover training at all? He'd never shown any interest in that sort of thing before. She had always been the one with ambition. He hadn't. He'd been happy where he was. Homicide detective, best job there was. He had never wanted any more than that. Had that changed? She could hardly imagine that it had. Nick had always been so steadfast and even. Not like her, not like scrawny, clever, scrappy Jennifer. She'd always fought for more, to learn and to win and to get where she wanted to be. That had always been the biggest difference between them.

She led him around the makeshift headquarters in the old warehouse and introduced their new team member to the rest of the crew. Other than telling names, she stayed quiet. She watched Nick interact with these people she'd been working with for the last few months. Some of them, like Steve, she'd known since she'd started in SIS. And now with Nick standing here beside her, it was worlds colliding. If she thought about it too much, she might faint or something.

For his part, Nick was friendly and genial with everyone he was introduced to. He did a pretty good job, he thought, of acting like this was just a completely normal first day on a new job. Nothing strange about this, nothing anyone would notice as off about him. No one would suspect that the butterflies in his stomach were making him want to vomit or that his entire body was vibrating at being in Jennifer's presence or that his heart screamed out in a way that almost brought him to tears. No, none of that could show. Not now. Probably not ever. This was SIS, where secrecy was in the name and privacy was probably unheard of. He would have to get use to suppressing all evidence of any feelings he had, particularly if he was going to honor his promise to Jen that they'd act as though they didn't know each other. He could probably keep his distance from her. He'd have to. Because working closely with her would probably destroy him.

Nick was in the process of trying to commit everyone's names and positions to memory, though it was all a bit overwhelming. Thankfully, Matt returned to rescue him.

"Come on, Nick, let's go to my office. Jennifer and I can brief you on the operation, and then you can go home to settle your affairs before the real work starts tomorrow."

"Actually, Matt, I wanted to review the surveillance setup with Steve. Can you brief Nick on your own? I can work with him on the legends tomorrow," Jen interjected.

"Oh sure, Jen, that's fine," Matt replied in that forced nonchalant way of his that Nick had noticed from their first meeting.

Once in Matt's office, Nick took a seat and was handed a huge packet. "This what we're doing, then?"

Matt nodded. "This is the dossier on the Claybournes, Wesley and Trish. They're real people from Sydney who have been put in witness protection. You and Jennifer are going to assume their identities. You'll be reestablishing the Claybourne import/export business in Melbourne. There are a number of international not-so-nice people who used Claybourne Shipping in Sydney who will be able to tell their contacts in Melbourne to get involved here. You and Jennifer will spend the next three months cultivating those contacts and identifying the chain of command in the various organizations. We need identities of these people so we can get rid of the whole lot of them, not just the lackeys who get caught in our nets."

Nick did not react to the news that he and Jen would be playing husband and wife on this operation. Matt had no idea what that meant to Nick and Jean, and he'd promised Jen that Matt wouldn't know. Best not think about that for now. He pressed forward. "What sort of not-so-nice people are you talking about? Drugs? Guns?"

Matt nodded. "Both. And more. All sorts of illegal smuggling. There's a gang of gunrunners in particular that we're focusing on, but the drug cartels and the terrorist element get mixed up in all this sort of thing too. This operation isn't to arrest anyone, you're just going to gather intelligence. Shouldn't be too difficult."

"And not to dangerous, I'd imagine. Why did you ask me about high-risk fieldwork? Are you going to give me a gun?"

"No, the Claybournes don't do that. We will have other agents in your neighborhood and at your offices for your protection, if anything should happen, since you will be dealing with some pretty dangerous people, but that's just a precaution."

"What do you mean neighborhood?" Nick asked, focusing on that unexpected word.

"The neighborhood where you'll be living. As the Claybournes. They're known to conduct a lot of business from their home as well as from the office, so the house you'll be staying in is going to be covered in surveillance just like the shipping office."

"Surveillance?"

"Cameras and microphones all over the whole thing. That's what Jen's working with Steve on. He's our lead tech analyst. The living room and kitchen are all operational. The patio is still being finalized, along with the bedroom."

"You're going to be recording the bedroom?" he asked in surprise.

Matt shrugged. "You never know where criminals are going to want a chat. And this way, you won't have to worry about leading them elsewhere to get everything on the recordings. The bathroom is the only room in the house without anything, I'm pretty sure, but the bedroom microphones should pick up anything loud." Matt said all of this like it wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Perhaps in this world, it wasn't.

Nick was a bit taken aback. More than a bit. He'd been put on the back foot with the knowledge of living in a house with Jennifer for three months on this operation. And then he'd been completely bowled over by the knowledge that they would be under constant surveillance the entire time.

How the hell was he supposed to spend three months pretending to be married to Jennifer while they were undercover and pretending he didn't know her while they were being watched by SIS cameras the rest of the time? Surely that wasn't feasible. He wouldn't be able to do it. How could anyone? It would be difficult enough to pretend to be married to someone you'd only just met. It was quite a different thing to pretend like your ex-wife was a complete stranger.

And while he contemplated this, Nick had another realization. Jennifer already knew about all of this. She had begged him to pretend like they didn't know each other for the sake of this operation, an operation where she had known for months she would be under surveillance nearly every minute of every day. Was it really so easy for her to pretend that she didn't know him? Well, she was the one who had petitioned for divorce. Maybe it was. But with the cameras observing their every move for the next three months, he wasn't going to be able to ask her. It was cruel, really. Nick got to see her for the first time in over two years, and he wasn't allowed to speak to her. Not properly. And that was probably going to be the most difficult part of all.


	35. Chapter 35

"Right, that should be everything settled. Matty'll call the landline if there's instructions, so you'll know to come by the warehouse. Tomorrow you'll go to the shipping office by the docks and get started for real."

Nick and Jen both nodded as Steve, the analyst posing as a moving man, bid them both goodnight. They'd spend all day setting up furniture and unpacking boxes and suitcases to begin their life as the Claybournes. The surveillance equipment was all set up, hidden cameras and microphones that would capture every inch of the small house.

It was absolutely wild to Nick that he'd been dropped into this whirlwind only three days earlier. He'd met Matt and seen Jennifer on that first day. He was given a very short and very strict list of things to do when he was sent home. He'd taken care of his mail and the newspapers and such, packed a few essentials he'd need, thrown out everything that would go bad in three months, and spent a sleepless night wondering how the hell he was supposed to work side by side with his ex-wife, simultaneously pretending that they didn't know each other and yet were a believable married couple.

The two days sequestered in the warehouse, learning everything possible about Trish and Wesley Claybourne, those were manageable. They were focused. The pressure was on for Nick—who had never been the best student—to memorize everything. Jen was quizzing him and hammering details into his head. In a very small way, he was reminded of when they were kids and she would help him study for exams in school. She was always smarter than he was, but she was always eager to help him learn without ever making him feel lesser. And this SIS work was just like that. She wanted to help him. He was made to feel like her partner, a valuable part of the team. A few of the other SIS agents looked down on Nick for being a mere copper, but Jen wasn't like that at all. Maybe that was because of their history together, but Nick didn't think so. He could tell that she'd act like that no matter who was going to be the Wesley to her Trish. That's just how Jennifer always was. And it was nice to see that hadn't changed.

But now they were moving into the house. There would be no privacy. Not unless they whispered to avoid the microphones, but being close enough to whisper would look odd on the cameras. Nick had no illusions that they'd have any real privacy, that they'd be able to actually be alone to talk through anything between them. He would be stuck pretending that he didn't know her. He'd half-hoped that she would have changed so much in their years apart that he could easily pretend like he didn't know her. But he'd spent two days seeing that she was just as kind, funny, brilliant, and strong as ever. She was guarded, certainly. Whether that was her new normal or whether that was because she was being forced to hang around with the man she divorced remained to be seen. Nick strangely hoped it was the latter, that Jen hadn't really changed at all, that she just had to get used to him again.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Claybournes!" Steve said, giving a wave and closing the front door of the house behind him.

They were alone. Just Nick and Jen. Or rather, Wesley and Trish and a load of cameras.

Nick immediately felt the weight of awkward tension between them. Jen was standing across the room from him, her arms folded and her brow furrowed.

"Cuppa?" he offered, desperately needing something to do, something to busy his hands and his mind so he didn't go mad from being unable to properly speak to her.

Jen nodded but didn't speak. She just watched him with a rather concerned expression.

"Okay," he responded, making his way hastily past her to go to the kitchen and figure out where they'd put the kettle and mugs and teabags.

As soon as Nick was out of the room, Jen crossed over to the sofa and flopped down on it. The strain of this was going to kill her, she was certain. Being undercover was not something she enjoyed. The irony of that realization was not lost on her. She'd given up everything she knew and loved in order to become a spy, and she had found that she didn't actually like it at all. But regardless of how she felt about it, the work was important. This operation, if all went to plan, would uncover the network of gunrunners bringing illegal weapons into Melbourne, weapons that flooded the streets and caused the deaths that Nick and his team at Homicide were tasked with solving. They were going to be saving lives with the intelligence they were going to gather. That was worth Jen's discomfort, surely.

But why oh why did it have to be Nick?! She'd been looking forward to being Trish Claybourne when Tom Quinn was going to be her Wesley. Tom was a laugh, Tom would make sure she was safe, Tom would get the job done. She could lose herself in Trish Claybourne and forget about what an utter disaster Jennifer Mapplethorpe had become. Three months without worrying about Matt's feelings for her, three months without having Jarvis mispronounce her name, three months without the guilt of everything she'd ruined.

Now, though, with Nick here, everything was a million times worse. She couldn't be herself around Nick. She wanted nothing more than to be herself because Nick was the only person who had ever really known her. But if she let herself slip around him, the cameras would see and the operation would be ruined. And yet…

Nick returned to the living room with two mugs in his hands. "Mind if I sit with you?"

She forced a smile as she accepted the cup of tea from him. "It's going to be a long three months if you feel like you have to ask permission where to sit. After all, we're supposed to act like we're married."

There was a look in his eyes that let her know that he understood what she was doing, making a show of it for the cameras. He just nodded and sat down beside her. It was a good show of being married, sitting so close to her. Not a good show of pretending like they'd only known each other for three days. Jen didn't mind, though. His thigh was touching hers as they sat side by side on the sofa, sipping their tea. It felt perfectly comfortable. Normal.

So normal, in fact, that Jen did not realize what they had done. She did not realize that Matt was, at that very moment, watching the surveillance footage and made a noise of confusion as he watched her take a sip of her tea. Because he knew Jennifer Mapplethorpe, and he knew that she was extremely fussy about how she liked her tea—the smallest splash of milk and no sugar and cooled to just above room-temperature. Matt had always had a devil of a time trying to learn how she took her tea. She had often tried to hide her reaction to him doing it wrong, but the grimace when she took that first sip always told him that he'd never once gotten it correct. But here, she'd taken a sip from the cup that Nick had handed to her and she had made no fuss, made no face, had no reaction whatsoever. She just…she just drank the tea.

Jen enjoyed her absolutely perfectly made cup of tea without a single thought about it. Nick sat beside her, drinking his. They were quiet. It was almost deafening, that quiet. But it settled around them not with awkward tension like before but with soft comfort. This was the silence of two kids reading their own books up in old treehouse; never speaking and never needing to, being at ease in each other's presence. At least, that was how it felt to Jen. Perhaps Nick was feeling uncomfortable still, perhaps he'd find an excuse to bolt back to the kitchen. But no, if he were feeling any sort of discomfort, Jen would know. He had always been relatively stoic, but she knew him better than that. Or she rather hoped she did. She hoped that she would be able to tell if he weren't at ease. Because right now, everything felt perfectly normal to her.

When she'd finished her tea, Nick took the mug from her and leaned forward to set it on the table with his own empty cup. They both leaned back with their arms lightly touching. It was still quiet. In a nice way. And after the immense stress of preparing for this operation, the last-minute substitution of Wesleys, the upheaval of seeing each other again, Jen was happy for that quiet. She tilted her head to rest it on Nick's shoulder. And she whispered, barely moving her lips, barely letting out any sound, lest the microphones hear her, and she said, "I'm glad you're here."

Nick did not answer. He did not know what to say, what he could say. And so he said nothing at all. He just closed his eyes for a moment, savoring her words, memorizing the weight of her head on his shoulder and the smell of her hair so close to his face. And if he tried, he could almost remember what this used to feel like. When something like this was normal.


	36. Chapter 36

"Hi there, Wesley Claybourne of Claybourne Import-Export. This is my wife and business partner, Trish. How can we help you, Mr. Tyneman?" Wesley shook the man's hand firmly and kept a big smile on his face. Nick Buchanan might have felt his skin crawl touching a man's hand when he knew the man was responsible for hundreds of deadly weapons on the streets and countless other disgusting crimes. But Wesley Claybourne was looking for a lucrative deal for his business, and Ed Tyneman had a lot of money to burn.

"Business partner?" Tyneman asked, looking Trish up and down with a hungry glint in his eye.

Jennifer Mapplethorpe wanted to punch the man in the face, but Trish Claybourne just laughed delightedly. "Hubby's no good with organizing."

"Yeah, she makes sure the paperwork gets done on time," Wesley said putting a possessive arm around his wife's waist. "And it's nice to have something good to look at in the office all day," he added with a wink.

"I can imagine. She'd be a treat to be stuck behind a desk with," Tyneman agreed.

Wesley steered them back on track. "We're still getting everything set up since the relocation from Sydney, but we are fully operational. Why don't I give you a tour of our facility and you tell me a bit about what you're looking for?" He led Tyneman away but turned back to Trish. "Babe, grab us a couple beers, okay?" He gave his wife a swat on the bum. She did a very good job of taking it in stride.

But the diversion was a brilliant little tactic. It gave Jen the chance to run back to the main office and add some notes to their SIS file about Tyneman. She jotted things down quickly before getting a couple cheap cans of Fosters out of the fridge.

"Here you go, boys," Trish said, giving the cold beers over to the men. "Anything else I can get for you?"

"The men are going to talk business now, Trishy," Wesley said condescendingly. Tyneman grinned in a leering sort of way. Jen was happy to leave them be.

It was another half hour or so before Wesley shook Tyneman's hand again and returned to the office. He found Trish hard at work on the company account books. She didn't acknowledge his entrance.

"Alright?"

She finished what she was typing before she turned around to him. "You get the contract?"

He nodded. "We'll get the first shipment routed next week."

"Job well done," she said with a small smile.

Wesley subtly looked around to make sure no one—except the SIS cameras—was watching. He exhaled and his entire posture changed. Nick rolled his shoulders and approached where Jen sat. "Listen…" he began softly.

"Don't worry about it," Jen insisted. "Honestly, you don't need to apologize for acting like a pig in there. It was for Tyneman, right?"

Nick grimaced slightly with disgust. "Yeah, I could see how he looked at you the minute he walked in, and that with the ties he's got to some local brothels…"

She frowned. "How do you know he's got ties to local brothels?"

"I arrested him once when I worked on Vice," he answered with a small shrug.

"You WHAT!? Nick, what if he recognized you?" she hissed, immediately panicked over this new threat to their operation.

"Why do you think I went so hard in the opposite direction? Besides, you know crims barely look at a cop beyond the uniform. It's not like I had him in interview. I just slapped the cuffs on and led him to the car. I didn't even do the processing." To his credit, Nick did not raise his voice to match her crazed tone. But then again, Nick had never really been one to argue like that. He kept his head, stayed stoic, remained calm to counter her anxiety. Some things didn't change, it seemed.

Jen regarded him dubiously, focusing on the task at hand and not on the familiarity of this conversation pattern. "Then how did you remember him?"

Nick considered his words carefully, as usual. "Some of these guys have a particular look. I tried not to remember any of them. But there were a few that just…felt bad. Like just bad sorts. And he's one."

She opened her mouth to respond, to ask him why he never told her about that before, why he'd never talked about this sixth sense he seemed to have about crims. Was it just the ones from Vice? Did he have suspects from Homicide cases that he could just tell were bad like Ed Tyneman? Probably did, but hopefully in a different way. Roughing up prozzies is a different sort of crime to cold-blooded murder. Though having met Tyneman just now, Jen had her own feeling that the line between crimes was extremely thin for him.

He cut through her private musings. "Anyway, I'm sorry I talked to you like that. You know I'd never…"

"That's good to know." She had to cut him off. Because as far as the cameras were concerned, Jen had no reason to know that Nick would never speak to a woman the way Wesley had spoken to Trish. "You did a good job, though. You got his trust. You closed the deal." Jen gave him an approving sort of nod.

Nick gave a small smile, but his shining eyes betrayed how thoroughly pleased he was with her praise. "Undercover certification serving me well, eh?"

"Looks like it. But I think it's more than just that. You've got the tools on how to get into the undercover identity from your certification, but thinking fast and knowing which tool to use, figuring out what kind of person is in front of you? That's a different skill. That's all you, Nick."

Suddenly, Jen could feel her face growing a bit hot. She should know better than to compliment him like that out in the open. If she could have, she would have told him that she was so proud of seeing him in action like that, to work side by side with him. They'd never gotten to do that before. They'd been cops together, of course, but never in the same department. Never on the same team. They wouldn't have been allowed to when they were married. And if SIS had bothered to do a better check of Nick before bringing him on board at the last minute, they wouldn't have let him be on this operation with Jen. Which was a pity, really, because they worked so well together.

They'd been undercover as Trish and Wesley for four days, now. And every single one of those days went well. Nick and Jen had redeveloped their connection, not needing words to communicate. It scared Jen, actually, that they were too comfortable together, got on too well. How close was anyone watching that surveillance footage? Steve knew Jen pretty well, knew she tended to be quiet and casual with most people, but maintained an arms-length most of the time. But he would hopefully just think she was doing her job well. Matt, though, Matt would notice. He watched her so much, he knew her so well. Or rather, he knew how well he didn't know her. He would surely see how easily she interacted with Nick. It was an ease she'd never really had with Matt, on the job or in their personal life. She would just have to be more careful around Nick when the cameras were watching. Trouble was, the cameras were always watching.

"Jen," Nick said softly, leaning in closer to her from where he was standing beside the desk.

"Yeah?" she replied equally quietly.

"I think we'll be alright."

Strange that he should say that. Frustrating, actually, since she couldn't ask him what he meant. The operation would be alright? Their working partnership would be alright? Tyneman would continue to not remember Nick as his arresting Vice officer? Or did he mean that they—Nick and Jen—would be alright? Alright how? In life? As a divorced couple moving on from each other?

And even stranger than Nick saying they'd be alright, Jen felt her heart leap at the very thought that they—as Nick and Jen, not as a divorced couple but just as themselves—might be alright.


	37. Chapter 37

Nick Buchanan was not a nervous sort of man. He had a healthy sense of fear when it counted, but he was just naturally calm and collected most of the time. It was a trait that had always helped him as a cop. And it was a trait that was rapidly failing him in SIS.

He and Jen were using their undercover connections to do a bit of investigating at the offices of one of the Claybournes' clients. Muhammad Hartono was a gunrunner. And he was a nasty son of a bitch. Cold and calculating and cruel. And deadly. There had been reports of people who crossed Hartono going missing and turning up weeks later in a ditch with burns and cuts and mutilation all over their bodies. One of the 'neighbors' brought over some of the photographs of victims and Nick was nearly sick to his stomach.

And now they were sneaking around Hartono's office. If they were caught, the operation was done for. Because if they were caught, they would most assuredly end up dead.

"Be careful," he warned. Jen was going on ahead to check for any secret security measures. She would recognize such things better than Nick would, thanks to her specific experience.

She paused, looking at him curiously. "I'm always careful."

Nick's memory flashed on one summer when they were about ten years old and going to the local public pool. Jen saw some of the teens doing backflips off the diving board and wanted to try. Nick tried to stop her, knowing that she had no idea what she was doing and would probably crack her head open. But she had paid him no heed. She just laughed and told him that she was always careful, and she wouldn't bother trying if she didn't know she could do it. And sure enough, she leapt fearlessly off the diving board and did a flawless backflip into the water.

Before he knew it, she had gone down the hall to disable any traps she encountered along the way. If Nick hadn't been watching her extremely closely, he probably would have never noticed the way she examined the door and picked the lock. It was extremely subtly done. If anyone walked by, they'd probably just see a pretty woman lost looking for the loo.

Jen waved for him to follow her, so he crept out of his hiding place and joined her. She'd found Hartono's office. "There might be cameras, so let me go in first," she whispered.

He just nodded. It was astounding to see her in action like this, to witness firsthand where all that fancy SIS training had got her. Was this what she was learning when she was in Canberra all those months after she'd left home? Nick nearly shook himself. Christ, thinking of things like that would do him no good. Especially not now, not while they were on the job.

"Clear," Jen hissed, indicating that Nick should enter the room.

His heart was pounding so hard, he was sure she could hear it. But Jennifer paid him absolutely no mind. She was already trying to hack into Hartono's computer.

"Check the drawers. Wipe things down with a tissue after you touch them," she instructed.

She was so focused, so dedicated. Jen had always been like that, it was one of the things Nick had always admired about her. She was always so driven. In school, in police training, on the job, and now here. All that ambition that had pushed her away from him had led her here, to this place, to this job, to this very specialized skillset. She was incredible.

"What are you doing?" she asked, noticing that he was standing there, unmoving, staring at the back of her head.

"Drawers. Right." Nick started gently opening every closed drawer and cabinet he could fine, careful not to touch too much, trying to weed his way through Hartono's things to find something that might be useful.

Jen reached into her blouse and pulled a datastick from her bra. She inserted it into the side of the computer and typed rapidly. And before Nick could even look over to see what she was doing, she pulled it out again. "Ready?"

Nick wiped things down and nodded. "Ready."

They left the office as silently and subtly as they could. No one seemed to notice. Trish and Wesley had left their meeting with Hartono a half hour before, and no one would ever know that they didn't actually drive back home until just then.

"You're really good at that," Nick told her simply, once they were safely back in the car. "I knew you would be."

Jen just shrugged as she drove the car. "Thanks."

"You like it? This work?" he pressed. After all, he was genuinely curious about the work she did, wanted to hear about how she was doing, now that their three weeks together had caused the initial shock and awkwardness and sheer terror to wear off.

She scoffed, "It's just a job."

"That'd be a no, then," he deciphered.

Jen shrugged again.

"Do you regret it?" Nick asked. What had possessed him to ask such an inappropriate question, he would never know. Probably the adrenaline from all the snooping and managing to get out alive.

They were at a stoplight, so Jen turned to frown at him. "I didn't want to go. And then I was stuck. I don't know why I did it. Whatever I gained with this job, I paid the price by losing everything else. Of course I bloody regret it," she snarled.

Nick was struck mute. The vitriol of her tone shocked him. He honestly had not expected her to answer him honestly, or if she did, he did not expect her to have such fire about it. He was not sure what he was supposed to say in response to that, so he said nothing.

But Jen wasn't finished. The light turned green and she drove onward to their Claybourne house, saying in a softer tone, "I don't think I knew what to expect with this job. I mean, the work itself is fine. Good, usually. But the lifestyle, the secrets and the isolation of it all. It's…I didn't really….I wasn't really prepared for it. And it wasn't just us, though obviously that was the hardest part."

"Was it?"

She glanced at him, knowing better than to take her eyes off the road too much. "Of course it was."

"I didn't know." Nick's voice was quiet, barely over a whisper, just a soft growl reverberating in his chest.

Jen swallowed hard. "No, I guess you didn't."

They did not talk for the rest of their drive. They had strayed into dangerous territory with this conversation, and they both knew it.

It was late when they got back. Jen took a shower and Nick ordered pizza before calling Matt at headquarters and telling him that they'd gotten the files off Hartono's computer. Matt was ecstatic and told Nick that Steve would be by the shipping office to pick it up in the morning.

Over dinner, Nick relayed the news to Jen. She quietly ate her pizza and drank her beer and turned on a footie game for them to watch. Good way to avoid conversation. That was probably for the best.

They did not share more than a few polite words again until they were in bed. Jen had the worst time falling asleep while undercover, and Nick could always tell when she was awake. It was nearing the middle of the night, and he knew she was still lying there just staring at shadows on the ceiling.

"Jen?" he breathed.

"Hmm?" She rolled over to face him so they could talk softly and not have the microphones pick it up.

"Alright?" he asked her.

"Fine," she replied.

"Is it always like this undercover? The awkwardness?"

He thought he could see her crack a bit of a smile. "This is my first long-term undercover op. But I think this is different anyway. I don't usually have a personal history with my fellow agents."

The next question fell from his lips before he could stop it. "You seeing anyone?"

Obviously that took her by surprise. "Yeah, uh, my supervisor. Used to be my partner in the field. He got promoted. We've been on and off for a while."

"Anyone else?"

"What, you think I'm juggling men while in SIS?" If they weren't trying to be quiet and still for the cameras, she would have punched him in the arm.

He chuckled softly. "No, I mean before him. Anyone else? It's been two years. Or more."

"I didn't even look at Matt till about six months after we signed the divorce papers," she told him angrily, barely keeping her voice down. "There's no one else."

"Matt?" Nick asked in surprised. "This Matt?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"No, nothing, I was just curious. Didn't expect getting seconded to SIS would mean meeting my ex-wife's boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend," she snapped. "Like I said, we're on and off. But how about you? Seeing anyone?"

Nick smiled at her entirely unsubtle conversation shift away from herself and onto him. "I've dated. But nothing serious. I've been busy."

"Yeah. Me too," Jen agreed knowingly.

"Does Matt know?"

"Does he know what?"

"Does Matt know about us?" Nick clarified.

Jen paused, considering how she wanted to answer that. "He knows that I'm divorced. He doesn't know that it's you. Obviously. You wouldn't be here if he did. He also doesn't know that you're the only other man I've ever been with. He doesn't know what you were you me."

"And what was I to you?"

Tears pricked Jen's eyes and she blinked them back. "You were everything to me."

If Nick responded to that sentiment in any meaningful fashion, the operation would be utterly ruined. He knew that he wouldn't be able to stop himself if he went down that path, so he avoided it completely. "I'm sure he thinks your husband was some loser who didn't know how good he had it."

"Something like that. But I can't tell him."

"No, sure."

Jen went on, "I think it would break his heart if he ever found out that I miss you every day and how desperately I wish it was your bed I shared and not his."

Nick could feel a bit of dampness begin to pool on the pillow. Jen was crying. He desperately wanted to pull her into his arms, but he couldn't risk it. "You share my bed now," he reminded her softly, hoping his words would be enough to tell her what he couldn't show her.

"It's not the same. This isn't home," Jennifer lamented.

He smiled softly, daring to brush her hair off her cheek with his fingertips. "Closest I've felt to home in two years."

Jen chocked slightly, struggling to keep from openly weeping. "We can't do this, Nick." She did not let him answer her. She rolled over to the other side of the bed so her back was to him. She shut her eyes tight and begged herself to fall asleep. Anything to escape.


	38. Chapter 38

It shouldn't have happened. It was a stupid mistake, and it never should have happened.

That was all Jennifer could think about. It was all her fault. She should have known better. She _did_ know better. She'd been with SIS for over two years now, and she was a damn good agent. But she'd made the call like some rookie who didn't know what she was doing, and it had nearly cost them the operation and their lives.

The day started simple enough. An inspection of the cargo holds of one of the ships coming into the docks. SIS had set up Claybourne Import-Export with a private loading bay. The coastal authority was being paid handsomely to keep a blind eye to the secret federal operation. Trish and Wesley could put on a good show for their customers about avoiding customs concerns. Nick and Jen were free to ignore the other federal agencies.

No one else was supposed to be around. Just the dock workers, most of whom were unaware of the true nature of their bosses, and the sailors in charge of the boat.

But a call had come into the office that morning. Trish answered, as she usually did. The voice on the line made her shiver with disgust.

"G'day Mrs. Claybourne, Ed Tyneman here. I'd like to come down and observe the inspection of my cargo, if I may. There've been rumors going around that I don't like much. Want to check it out for myself."

"Of course, Mr. Tyneman. Can I ask what those rumors are that concern you? I might be able to set your mind at ease without the hassle of coming all the way down to the docks," she answered politely.

Tyneman chuckled in that nasty way of his. "Don't you worry your pretty head. I'll come down and take a look and maybe have a chat with your hubby."

After she got off the phone, Trish immediately called Wesley from the warehouse up to the office to tell him to be on his toes when Tyneman came by later. Their docks manager, Brent, was with them. He knew the illicit business the Claybournes ran and he knew to be discreet. He did not know that his bosses were working for the government, so they could not speak freely. But easy-going Wesley wasn't concerned about what his wife told him.

"I can handle him. He's got nothing to complain about with our handling of his business. No worries, love," he said with a confident grin.

Trish wasn't so sure, but she deferred to her husband, as was expected in the situation.

So when Tyneman showed up later, Trish played the perfect wife, letting the men leer at her, letting Wesley boss her around to show off. But she stayed nearby, since she was the office manager for the business and the employees knew that one word from her would make Wesley throw them out of a job without question.

Besides, Jennifer had a job to do, and she couldn't do it when she was shunted off to the side. And Nick was good, but he wasn't fully SIS trained. Between the two of them, Jen had the more relevant experience, and he would follow her lead.

And thanks to that, Nick did not think twice when Trish invited Tyneman into the cargo hold of the ship to take a look at his product. It was an entire container of assault rifles. SIS had documented every single part number to every single gun, so they would be able to trace the distribution. They'd done that with all illegal cargo brought through the Claybourne operation.

The problem was, Tyenman's guns weren't the only cargo in that hold. There was another container being unloaded during that inspection as well. Another container of illegal guns. From Hartono.

"What's this, then?" Tyneman asked, picking up one of the other guns out of a box bearing the name of Hartono's company. A name that everyone in the industry was familiar with.

Jennifer's mind screamed at her. How could she have been so stupid as to let Tyneman come on board the ship with Hartono's shipment!?

Wesley had a bit of quick thinking and tried to smooth over the situation. "Other cargo belonging to other customers, Mr. Tyneman. You surely can't expect us to serve only you. We've got a business to run."

"You're giving my competition a leg up! I knew it!" Tyneman said angrily.

"Your competition is not our concern. We provide our services to whoever pays us. Exclusivity is not a part of the bargain," Wesley told him firmly.

"Well I think it's crap." Tyneman threw down Hartono's gun and pulled his own from the waistband of his trousers and pointed it at Wesley Claybourne. "How you gonna make it up to me?"

The other dockworkers were not oblivious to the situation. And one of them was an SIS agent charged with keeping an ear in with the workers and an eye out for Nick and Jen's safety. Everyone in the cargo hold stopped what they were doing. The men carrying crates put them down. Some of the smarter workers edged out the door to avoid what was sure to be a bad situation.

Trish stepped forward, speaking gently. "I think this is getting a bit out of hand. Why don't we all just calm down and go up to the office and discuss this over a beer, okay?"

Tyneman pointed the gun at her next. "I don't think so."

Dan, the undercover dock worker, shouted out, "Oi!" to distract from the tension. Tyneman whirled around and shot at him, thankfully missing. A fire fight broke out. The sound of gunshots echoed through the cargo hold as everyone was shouting and running all over the place. Nick wasted no time tackling Jennifer to the ground and covering her as best he could.

It was all over very quickly. Dan called out to see if everyone was alright. Nick got up and helped Jen stand. They would both have some bruises from landing hard on the floor, but nothing worse than that. Dan was similarly unharmed. One of the other dockworkers—a civilian—had a bullet graze to the shoulder. He'd get patched up and be just fine. No one else was injured.

Ed Tyneman, however, was crumpled in a bloody heap. Three bullets to his rotund belly. He was already dead.

"Why don't you take the missus home, Mr. Claybourne," Dan suggested knowingly. "The boys and I will take care of this."

Jen was silent on the drive back to the house. She was fuming, absolutely furious with herself. A very useful client and source of intelligence was dead now because she hadn't thought to insist on keeping him off the ship. The work they were doing demanded constant attention to detail and knowing who knew what, and she'd completely stuffed it.

Nick seemed to read her mind. "You can't blame yourself," he said quietly as they drove up to the Claybourne house.

"Of course I can," she snapped. "Because it's my fault. I should have known better. That shouldn't have happened."

"At least all our people are okay. At least you aren't hurt."

Jen waited till he'd stopped the car before throwing the seatbelt off and opening the door, snarling, "That doesn't matter if I ruin the operation!"

Nick was slightly dumbfounded by that statement. It took him a moment to properly park the car and follow Jen inside the house. He heard her slam the door in the back. Instinctively, he knew she'd gone to take a shower. It was always what she'd done when she was upset. Water always made her feel better.

But he couldn't let it lie. He would give her the space she wanted, just as he always did, but he would say his piece first. Nick walked quickly through the house and opened the door to the en suite off their bedroom.

Jen gasped at the sudden intrusion. The shower was running and starting to steam up the room. She'd taken off her blouse and unbuttoned her skirt, but she still had on her camisole. "Nick!" she shrieked.

He was not dissuaded. "Don't you dare," he growled, grabbing her by her arms. His grip was almost tight enough to bruise.

"What are you talking about? Let me go!" she demanded, trying to wriggle away.

But he just held her tighter and forced her to look at him. "Don't you dare ever think that you're not important. That your safety isn't important. I know this is the job, and I'll do it as best I can, just like you will. But don't think for a second that I give a damn about the operation if it puts you in danger. I will not hesitate to jump in front of a bullet for you."

She searched his face, seeing the fire and desperation so evident there. "Why?" she asked, challenging him. But her voice was quiet, because she was terrified that she already knew the answer.

"You know why," he answered, his vicious growl turning to a soft yearning.

Nick's grip loosened then. He slid one hand up her arm and over her shoulder and neck to cup her cheek. Slowly, he leaned toward her. Jen's eyes fluttered closed as she waited for him. She did not turn away, she did not stop him. Her lips parted just as his pressed against hers.

Jen's arms wound around his neck, gripping the back of his head to anchor him against her. His mouth moved on hers with a passion she had not felt in two years. The taste of his tongue as it surged against hers was enough to electrify her whole body. They held each other, locked in their fiery kiss, as the room filled with steam from the shower that Jen had completely forgotten about.


	39. Chapter 39

The phone rang. Thank god, the phone rang. Nick tore himself away from Jennifer and rushed out of the bathroom to answer the phone. He was panting and his eyes were a bit wild, but he was getting himself back under control.

"Hello?" he answered.

"The two of you had better be here in twenty minutes," came Matt's furious voice.

"Jen's in the shower. We'll be there as soon as we can." Nick hung up the phone without another word. Perhaps a bit disrespectful to a superior officer, but he didn't care.

The knowledge of the surveillance cameras invaded Nick's consciousness. He took a few calming breaths to try to appear as normal as he could. His adrenaline was still creating a strange hyperfocus, blocking out all his emotions and confusion. Thank god for small mercies. He had been single-minded about protecting Jennifer, making sure she was safe, making sure she knew her importance, making sure he could show her what she meant to him. Later he could hate himself for that lack of self-control, for breaking down and kissing her like that. She had participated fully, but he shouldn't have let that happen. They were on a job. And more than that, they were _divorced_! Their story was done and over. It had taken him years to accept it. He couldn't go back to pining for her now.

He knocked sharply on the bathroom door. "Jen, we've been called to HQ. Hurry up."

Inside, Jen jumped at the sound. She still hadn't actually taken her shower. She had a feeling that if she stood under that hot water, she wouldn't be able to get out. But she had been shoved to the ground in a cargo hold. She certainly needed a shower. Perhaps she could just manage a quick one.

She stripped off the rest of her clothes, leaving them in a heap in the corner and doing her best not to think of the touch of Nick's hand on her skin. The way his grip still echoed on her arms. The whisper of his fingertips on her neck and her cheek. The tentative touch on her stomach under her thin camisole he'd explored just before the phone had interrupted them.

Jen scrubbed her scalp with shampoo. The suds trickled over her body as she sped up to rinse everything and jump back out of the shower. Nick was waiting. They were surely about to get quite a yelling from Matty.

"Oh god, Matt," she whispered as she toweled her hair dry. Thank god the kiss had happened in the bathroom where no one could see. What was she going to do when she saw him?! She'd have to just push down all the confusion and stress. Or maybe he'd assume that she was shaken because of the shooting. She wasn't injured and she knew how to handle herself in a firefight, but it wasn't often that she didn't have a weapon in that circumstance. Christ, she was going to be in so much trouble. There was no way around it. She'd nearly jeopardized the entire operation. And it was all her fault. Nick had done his best, but she was the one who was supposed to be in control, and she had failed.

It was less than an hour after Matt had called that they arrived at the warehouse. Jen's hair was still slightly wet. She and Nick had not spoken a word to each other except what was necessary. They'd had an unspoken pact to deal with their personal issues later. Or not at all. After all, they had been undercover together for over a month and barely said anything about their past. They were professionals. They'd hold their heads up, do the job, and keep everything else to themselves.

"What the bloody hell was that!?" came Matt's greeting.

"We'll handle it," Jen replied with equal vigor. He may have been the supervising officer on this operation, but Jennifer knew him better than to let him get angry and push them about. It was his neck on the line as much as it was hers. If the operation was a bust, he would receive the brunt of the blame from the higher ups. It was his career in jeopardy. Jen wasn't much concerned about her own.

But Matt would not let her cut off his tirade, it seemed. "How do you think you're going to handle this? You lost a major asset because you let him get the upper hand!"

"There wasn't much Jen could do, sir," Nick interjected. The term of respect was said with vitriol, but it was the strength of Nick's quiet voice that caused everyone in earshot to pause and let him speak. "Tyneman insisted on observing the inspection himself. If she had told him to wait on the dock for us to unload, he would have gotten even more suspicious." He could feel Jen beside him practically vibrating with her frustration, wanting to scream and shout and defend herself. She would keep it to herself, though, knowing that making a scene would only make things worse. Hopefully that rage and frustration wouldn't be directed at Nick for daring to defend her like this. She could fight her own battles and didn't take kindly to being handled, as she'd proved to him when they were kids and she punched him in the nose.

"You stuffed it up, is what you did. All of you."

Everyone turned to see a middle-aged balding man with wide blue eyes strolling into the warehouse with a kind of swagger and casual tone that immediately showed off his authority. Matt took a step forward. "Agent Jarvis, sir."

"Don't talk to me, Ryan, you're in the doghouse on this one." Jarvis walked past Matt to Jennifer. "Maplethorpe, you're uninjured?"

"Yes, sir. Detective Buchanan pushed me to the ground when the shooting started. I'm fine," she told him.

Nick had only a vague sense of who this man was. Namely, he was Matt's boss. And that made him very important. He briefly considered correcting the man's pronunciation of Jennifer's last name, but he thought the better of it.

"And you, Detective Buchanan, you hurt?" Jarvis asked him.

"No, sir. Only one of the dockworkers caught a stray bullet, but we were informed that it was just a graze and he'd be fine. None of our people were harmed. Only Tyneman," Nick told him.

Jarvis shrugged. "Can't say I'll miss him, the prick."

"Too right," Nick agreed under his breath.

Apparently Jarvis heard him, because the agent gave a small smile at that. "Right, you lot regroup and figure out what to do with the hole in our intelligence network and how to make sure our other sources don't run for the hills. We spent a bloody long time cultivating the Claybournes. We want to use their identities as long as we can." He turned and gestured to Matt. "Ryan, you and I will have a little chat."

The two men went off to the office. Jen immediately went to the analysts and greeted Steve, who gave her a hug and thanked heaven she was alright. Nick trailed along behind. The adrenaline was starting to fade and his mind was starting to wander. But he tamped it down. There was a job to do, and they would do it.


	40. Chapter 40

But the mind is funny that way, isn't it? As soon as you scold it and tell it to focus, the harder it works to distract you.

All Nick could think about was that kiss. The way Jennifer felt in his arms. They way her lips moved against his. The way her hand found its way to the back of his neck. The way it all felt like the most familiar thing in the world. The way it felt like home.

He stood by, trying to pay attention to what the analysts were saying, what they were showing on the computer screens. Jen's eyes were narrowed in concentration. She had that little crease between her brows that she got whenever she frowned. Once upon a time, Nick liked to sneak a kiss to that little crease. It would always make her cross at the interruption but he would have her smiling again in no time. She used to tease him that it was a good thing he appreciated her wrinkles because she'd only end up with more as the years went on. The pair of them had started getting deeper lines around their mouths. Jen had a couple in the corners of her eyes. From smiling, he liked to think. Would he ever get to see her when they were both old and gray with more wrinkles than they could count?

And that was just it, wasn't it? Nick had no idea what the future held in store. He had once been so certain that he and Jen would be together forever. They'd have babies, they'd raise their children together and send them off in the world and make love in the kitchen in the middle of the day when they were sixty-three and then go spoil the grandchildren. That was all he had ever wanted from the day he'd asked her to marry him. But what of it now? They were divorced, for Christ's sake! She had made her choice, she had left him. She had a new life with SIS. It was a cruel trick of fate that he even saw her again.

But he had seen her again. Had spent a whole month living in a house with her again, making her tea and folding her laundry, falling asleep to the sounds of her breathing, waking up to the smell of her hair. And then that kiss. That beautiful terrible kiss. It was a moment of weakness for them both, surely. Nick had been shaken by the shooting, never having experienced anything like that before. Having Jen in danger like that had truly knocked him for a loop. And Jen was no better, blaming herself for nearly being shot.

She no doubt thought it was a mistake, would want to forget it ever happened. Jen was a consummate professional, always. But a mean part of Nick's heart was screaming at him to never let her forget it, to never let her try to push away what they had between them, what they _still_ had between them, what they would _always_ have between them. He had loved her since he was seven years old. He would love her till the day he died. He couldn't possibly let her go again.

Nick knew better, of course. He knew he would do what he'd done before. He would let her leave if she wanted to go. He would hate himself for it, but he would not try to force her to stay with him. After all, they were still divorced. She was still an officer with SIS. Nothing had really changed. And Nick would do himself a disservice to delude himself into believing it had. Getting his hopes up just to be dashed when the operation ended would do no good to anyone. But deep down, Nick knew that if she chose the job over him again, he might not survive it.

"That sounds good, yeah?"

Jen's voice broke him out of his maudlin musings. "Yeah. I'll follow your lead," he answered, hoping that was enough to get him out of trouble for not paying any attention at all to what Steve had just told them.

But it must have worked because Jen gave a soft little smile and leaned her head over to gently tap his shoulder. They both turned back to work.

From the office, Matt was getting a rather horrific dressing down from Jarvis over his mismanagement of the operation. He glanced out for a reprieve, hoping to catch one of Jen's smiles. Her smile never failed to brighten his mood. And Jen was smiling, but not in his direction. She was smiling at Nick. And she was standing very close to him.

Matt knew Jennifer. Knew her better than he'd known anyone in all his life, he was sure. She was quiet and a bit sullen at times. She was dedicated and serious, but always kind and friendly. The fact that it had been so hard to get to know her, that was an achievement that he cherished. He loved to hold her in his arms for those few moments she would allow, loved to kiss her in the soft way she always liked. She was _his_ , and he'd spent two years getting to that point.

Oh of course they were busy on the job and had agreed not to have any personal entanglements during the operation. It was best that way. Matt knew Jen was right about that. But when they were done with this and they could go home to Sydney, Matt knew he'd get to call her his once again.

So why was Jen standing so close to this Nick Buchanan, this detective none of them had ever met before? Why did she drift toward him and tap her head against his shoulder? Matt had never known Jennifer to be at all open with any sort of display of affection. It must just be the undercover of it all. They were just used to acting like husband and wife. Matt just hadn't known Jen could be such a good actor.

But even so, Matt felt something bubble in the pit of his stomach that had nothing to do with the fact that his boss was about two minutes away from throwing him out of the Service. He tore his eyes away from Jen grinning up at Nick with shining eyes. He couldn't bear to look at it for a second longer.


	41. Chapter 41

The next time Jen and Nick had on their own was in the car on the way back to the Claybourne house. But neither of them spoke. They did not dare talk about what had happened before the phone rang. Because to talk about the kiss would be to talk about their relationship. And at least as far as Jennifer was concerned, having any sort of discussion about their relationship—past, present, or future—was a surefire way to irreparably ruin the operation. She just had to keep this to herself. She would pretend like it never happened. She and Nick would go back to being Trish and Wesley, and that was all there was to it.

"I'm going to do a load of laundry, if you want to make sure all your things are in the hamper," Nick offered as they pulled into the driveway.

Jen was immediately jerked back to their days as a happily married couple when Nick would do laundry on weekends and scold her for not putting things she needed washed into the hamper for him to take care of. She was perfectly capable of doing laundry herself, but Nick had a bit of a fussy streak in him for washing and folding everything just so. Came from the years he spent caring for his grieving mother and growing sisters after the Buchanan family lost its patriarch.

"Yeah, I'll make sure it's all there," Jen replied, trying not to smile too much at the comforting familiarity of it.

And wasn't that odd? Before seeing him—and even in the first few weeks of seeing him again—any thought of their past filled her with sorrow. They had been so happy, once. And it had all been dashed by the way he pushed her to join SIS and the way SIS had dragged her away from him. It had seemed that they'd never get back what they'd had before.

But that kiss, oh that kiss! Jen felt a fire and a passion and a yearning that she had not experienced in two long years. She had not realized that the had been missing him so much. She had thought or hoped that she had gotten over him. This kiss proved, however, that she had been homesick for so long that she'd forgotten what home even felt like. Without a shadow of a doubt, Nick was home. Being in his arms was home. For those brief moments, she was finally back home.

They went back into the house. Jen gathered her laundry for Nick, who went about getting everything washed and dried and folded. Meanwhile, Jen started going over the notes and files she kept at the house for their operation and got in some work.

"Everything alright?" Nick asked, coming to sit at the kitchen table. The laundry was in the washer, so he had half an hour before he needed to do anything else.

"Fine. Just going over our intel. Seeing where I can fit in what we discussed with Steve," she replied. But she eyed him warily. Was he going to ask her anything about the kiss? Was he trying to bring it up? In front of the SIS cameras?!

But Nick just nodded. "Good. Let me know if you need anything. It's a bit early to start on dinner, but do you want a beer?"

"Sure, that'd be good," she agreed with a smile.

He got up and took too cold beers from the fridge and cracked them open, bringing one over to Jennifer. They tapped the necks of the bottles together and each took a swig. The creamy, hoppy flavor filled her mouth and slid down her throat like an elixir. God it felt good. It felt normal. She could drink a beer and do some work and everything would be fine.

Nick sat back down across the table from her. He did not speak, just drank his beer and watched her. Jen did her best not to be disconcerted.

"About earlier…" he eventually began.

"It's fine. I'm fine. We weren't hurt. It was the adrenaline. Don't worry about it," she quickly interrupted.

Nick opened his mouth to say something, but Jen glanced upward to the invisible cameras. He got the message and did not speak again.

A little while later, the washing machine chimed and Nick went to go change over the load. Jen just went back to work.

The rest of the night was the same sort of forced ease and timid familiarity. They couldn't _really_ talk about what they wanted or needed to, so they barely said anything at all. Jen almost wanted to scream with the awkwardness of it. She didn't want to be awkward with Nick anymore! She just wanted to be with him, to be comforted by his presence, to be like they used to be, just for a while.

At a certain point, she couldn't take it anymore. She got up and started cooking them an early dinner just to have something to occupy her mind. They watched television while they ate just so they did not have to concern themselves with conversation. Jen could not recall ever being more uncomfortable in his presence before in her life, and it was miserable. She offered to clean up and do all the dishes herself to escape. Besides, Nick wanted to finish the laundry.

"Hey Jen?" he called from the bedroom.

She dried her hands and went down the hall to him. "Yeah?"

"I was just putting your things away when I noticed…" There was a smile in his eyes that surprised her.

"Noticed what?"

He glanced upward to the cameras as she had done before, insinuating that he couldn't say what he really wanted to, knowing they had an audience.

Jen went over to the dresser and looked at what he was pointing to inside her drawer. And there, beside her rather ordinary sets of knickers and bras, was a cream-colored silk and lace negligee. She fought back a blush. "Oh. That."

"Yes, that."

"Well, what about it?" she challenged.

He stared at her as though his implied question was obvious. Perhaps it was. Or perhaps she'd make him be a bit more explicit.

"Yes?"

Nick leaned in, speaking quiet enough that the microphones wouldn't pick up. "Did you pack that before or after you knew I'd be here with you?"

"Oh wouldn't you just love to know?"

"Yes, actually. Because I'm either going to be flattered that you brought it knowing I might see it, or jealous that you planned on having it around some other man." His eyes twinkled as he spoke in that soft, seductive tone of his.

Jen had it on the tip of her tongue to remind him that he was not her husband anymore and his opinion on her choice of lingerie was unimportant. But she had no wish to antagonize him. Not now. Not about this. So instead she replied, "You may have noticed that I haven't worn it. And I have no intention of wearing it anytime soon. I brought it because I'm undercover in a happy marriage and happy marriages have decent sex lives, as you might remember. But I'll tell you that I had it in my other luggage and decided to bring it here after I knew you'd be my Wesley," she whispered.

Nick's entire face lit up in a manner that caused Jen's heart to soar. "Maybe you'll wear it sometime."

"Maybe I will."

Jen turned and hurried back to the kitchen, blushing fiercely. She had dishes to finish. And that conversation was leading only to trouble. Delightfully fun trouble, perhaps, but trouble nonetheless.


	42. Chapter 42

The last time Jen had been caught in a violent situation on this undercover operation, she had been angry at herself for not preventing it. This time, she was not angry. Strangely, she felt calm and collected. Everything had worked out, nothing was her fault, no one had been hurt.

Well, that wasn't entirely true. Trish had been working in the Claybourne Shipping office when a hired thug for one of their criminal clients came in to complain about a late shipment and asked for a refund, and when Trish refused, he lunged at her with a knife. Luckily, their warehouse foreman had been by the door and subdued the attacker. The foreman dealt with everything while Wesley took his wife to the hospital. The cut on her arm hadn't even needed stitches. She was bandaged up and given a tetanus shot, just in case, and sent home to rest.

Jen traced her fingers over the bandage and thought nothing of it. Nick looked over at her with a kind of panic in his eyes.

"I'm okay, Nick," she murmured softly as he turned onto their street.

"You got stabbed, Jennifer," he grumbled.

"Barely. I'm fine!" she insisted.

"You should go to bed and rest," he replied.

Jen sighed, not wanting to argue with him. She knew this mood of his, though it had been a while. Nick was strong and quiet, even more so when he was hurting. He did not talk about his feelings. He stayed strong and quiet. Until he couldn't any longer, until all the hurt came pouring out of him. This was thankfully nothing like when they were children, when Nick had to stay strong for his mother and sisters when Mr. Buchanan had died so unexpectedly. But Nick still took things just that way. Strong and quiet for as long as he could.

Nick parked the car and made a move to get out but Jen stopped him. Thinking about that day of the funeral, when she and Nick had held each other while crying up in the old treehouse, had made her sentimental. She reached out and took his hand, holding it tight. "We're mates, aren't we?" she asked softly, begging him to recall their days gone by, when they had fought as children and made up using those same old words.

But Nick did not want to be reminded of their past. It was staring him in the face every moment he and Jen were together. The reminder of all the good they used to have and how far away that all was. "I can't do this, Jen," he replied, pulling his hand away and hurrying out of the car.

His reaction hurt her more than she could say. But thankfully, she knew him. She knew that he wasn't spurning her. Quite the opposite. Jen could feel the hurt radiate off him in waves. This was not the end of the conversation.

She followed him inside, hoping to get him to talk to her. Though now that they were back in the house with the surveillance, they'd have to be careful. But Jen was rather sure she could find a way.

"Come with me, please," she requested, taking his hand again and leading him away from the sofa and back into the bedroom. She kicked off her shoes and sat on the bed with her legs curled beneath her. After all, she was wearing one of Trish Claybourne's short denim skirts. "It's okay, Nick," she promised, giving him a nod.

He didn't want to give in to the impulse. He didn't want to collapse under the weight of the fear he held that she'd been hurt and he hadn't been there to protect her. He stood at the edge of the bed with Jen sitting in front of him, and he said the words he knew she was looking for. "We're mates, aren't we?" His voice cracked with emotion. It had been a long time since he'd asked her that.

A somewhat watery smile graced her lovely features. "Best mates. Always," she vowed.

And Nick was done for. He fell to his knees and wrapped his arms around her hips and pressed his cheek against thighs. "I can't lose you, Jen," he whispered, trying desperately to keep from crying.

Jen soothingly stroked his hair in the way he'd always liked, reveling in the opportunity to be able to hold him and touch him like this again, to feel his arms around her. "Shh, I'm okay, Nick. I'm not going anywhere. I'm safe. Everything's alright, sweetheart," she murmured. She had not intended to use that old term of endearment, the one that had once tripped off her lips in the midst of their happy marriage. Being with him like this had tricked her into remembering, confused her into old habits.

"What about us, Jen?" he asked, barely audible so the microphones didn't catch them.

That was the last question she wanted to contemplate. This was too much. This was not just comforting Nick, this was not just reassuring him that she was safe. This was going much too far. She shifted beneath his head, getting up. "I should take a shower. I'm all grimy from the hospital." It was just an excuse to ease the tension, and they both knew it.

Nick let her go, not being one to trap someone when they wanted to escape. He watched her practically sprint into the bathroom and close the door. The pipes in the wall began to whoosh, indicating that Jen had turned on the water.

He stood up and followed her, closing the door behind him.

Jen was still mostly dressed. It took her a while with her injured arm. And she had a sinking feeling that he would follow her. "This is a bad idea, Nick," she warned.

"You didn't answer my question. You said everything's going to be alright, and I want to know if that means that we're going to be alright. What about us, Jen?"

She swallowed hard, standing there against the counter, staring up at his dark hazel eyes filled with fire, that dear face that had delighted and haunted her dreams in equal measure every single moment of her life. "There isn't an us anymore," she finally replied.

Nick shook his head, scoffing. "The hell there isn't!" He took a half step forward and gently took her face in his hands, pushing her hair back and caressing her cheeks. "There will always be an us, Jen," he reminded her.

The tears filled Jen's eyes as she nodded. Nick's lips came crashing into hers. There was more fire in this kiss than their one from the week before, if that was even possible. Lips and tongues, moans and gasps. Hands tangling in hair, nails digging into skin.

But they did not stop there. The levees of their passion had been blown to smithereens. Nick found the hem of Jen's blouse and pulled it over her head. She was sucking on his neck when he unhooked her bra and lifted her up on to the counter. His mouth hungrily covered her breast. Jen's own hands were shaking as she unbuttoned his trousers.

Neither of them spoke a single word as Jennifer wiggled out of her knickers with her skirt hiked up around her waist, as Nick's trunks were pushed to his ankles and her legs wrapped around his hips to pull him close. The words to beg him to take her got caught in her throat as he entered her swiftly. She cried out and could do nothing but cling to him and cant her hips to meet his every thrust. The edges of her vision went black to feel him inside her, to wrap her body around his again after so very long.

It was quick and rough and desperate. The steam from the shower and their arousal had bathed them both in sweat. They gasped and groaned and moaned together, and Jennifer had to bite down on his collarbone to keep from screaming as she came. Her whole body was numb and overcome with pleasure by the time he finished with a satisfied grunt.


	43. Chapter 43

Matt had been watching the surveillance footage for a while now. When he had gotten news that Jen had been hurt, he was immediately concerned. She was his officer, of course, but she was so much more than that. Her safety was the most important thing. More important than the operation, though he'd never admit that out loud.

He had been assured by the other officers who were undercover at the shipping company that Jen hadn't been too hurt, but Nick had taken her to a doctor and Matt had gotten word that she was fine and they were going back to the Claybourne house. Matt just needed to see for himself that she was alright. He saw the car drive up and sit in the driveway for a moment. Nick got out of the car and went into the house first. He looked upset and practically threw himself on the sofa. Was he pouting? Matt watched closely to see Jen follow. She had on a short denim skirt that he knew she would have never been caught dead in if she weren't undercover; she had the body to wear it but when she was herself, Jen never had any interest in showing herself off like that. There was a bandage on her arm and a very concerned look on her face but otherwise nothing seemed amiss. Matt saw her go to Nick, say something softly, and take his hand to lead him into the bedroom. He saw the way Nick practically fell down to his knees and cling to Jen like a wave crashing onto a rock. And the way she so tenderly stroked his hair, what was all this? Had Nick been in danger, somehow? Was the whole ordeal more than Matt had been told? Matt knew very well that Jennifer had a kind, gentle heart. Her ability to handle vulnerable people—children, the elderly, frightened victims—was the best he'd ever seen. Something had obviously shaken Nick to his core and she was comforting him. Matt could not quite hear what they were saying, but their actions spoke louder than words anyway.

Thankfully, Jen pulled away from him rather soon and went into the bathroom. That was something Matt was very used to, Jennifer getting out of bed to take a shower. Though obviously she and Nick were not doing the same things that he and Jennifer did in bed that required her to shower immediately after.

But then what was Nick doing following her into the bathroom? Matt tried to turn up the volume on the surveillance, but could not hear anything over the sound of the water. Was that a shout of some kind? No, probably not. He was imagining things. But they were in there for quite some time…

Nick and Jen themselves were in the shower eventually. He helped her down from the counter and they both undressed each other the rest of the way. Nick hadn't even taken off his shoes before their desperate shag on the countertop. They still hadn't spoken a word to each other. But it seemed, for the moment, there was no need for words. She hissed slightly as her injured arm brushed up against him as they maneuvered around the small bathroom. Nick took her hand and helped her step into the shower.

She looked small like this, he realized. Smaller than he remembered. He knew everything about her, once. And he knew how deeply she felt things and how strong she was because of it. And he had never really thought of her as vulnerable or small. Jennifer had always loomed so large in his mind and in his heart. She still did.

Jen was naked in the shower and the water was streaming own her body. Her golden hair was slicked back on her head away from her face and the ends dripping with the excess water. Tiny droplets gathered on her eyelashes as she gazed up at him. And she was smiling. Nick could not resist leaning in to gently kiss her. It was soft and lingering but ended quickly. He reached behind her for the shampoo, which he poured into his hands and worked into a lather in her hair. Jen closed her eyes and sighed at the sensation.

It was a bad idea, she knew, to let herself get swept away. They were on the job and they had work to do and this could only end badly. But all such thoughts were forced from her mind as Nick washed her hair. It had been a long time since they'd done this. It used to be one of her favorite things, to feel his big, strong hands in her hair as their wet, naked bodies slid against each other. Even now, her breasts were brushing his chiseled chest as he washed her the way he'd done a thousand times before in a different life. In a life where they were Nick and Jen, living in their tiny apartment near the police station after they'd gotten married too young and dreamed too big. But that was then and this was now, and they were Wesley and Trish Claybourne who were recorded by the Secret Intelligence Service everywhere except the bathroom and the car. They had once shared everything with each other, and now they were forced into silence.

As Nick swapped their positions for her to rinse off, Jen finally spoke. "We should not have done this," she murmured.

He was not surprised that those were her first words, but he was disappointed. "Do you wish we hadn't?" he asked, hating his heart for holding hope at her response.

"No."

Her answer was clear and strong. Nick smiled. "Me too."

"We have to stay focused on the job. We have another month to get through. We have to keep it together," she reminded him. But even as she tried to redirect their attention back to the job, she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his waist.

Nick held her tight. "I know. You're right. And we'll get through it. We'll figure it out. We always do."

Jen nearly corrected him that they didn't always figure it out because they'd gotten divorced and people who always figure it out don't let a marriage fall apart. But she stayed quiet again. She had to remember to stay quiet. After they left this room, she had to go back to staying quiet.

After some time…a very long time, the bathroom door opened. Matt was glad that the analyst watching the footage had needed to use the loo, leaving Matt alone watching the screens. Nick and Jen both walked out of the bathroom. She had a towel wrapped around her body and secured under her arms. Nick had a towel around his waist. Matt was a bit taken aback to see Nick's bare torso. When Matt had been a cop in the field, he'd never had muscle definition like that. The man must live at the gym! But poor Jen, her arm probably hurt a lot. She must have needed help in the shower, and that's why Nick was in there with her. She never liked having to ask for help, she must have hated to feel vulnerable around a stranger. Even if she was pretending to be married, she couldn't hide who she really was. And Matt knew who she really was. She was intensely private and independent, first and foremost.

Matt watched them each take some clothes out of the dresser and go in separate directions to get changed. Jen went back to the bathroom and closed the door. Yes, Matt thought to himself, he knew who she was. He knew exactly who she was.


	44. Chapter 44

It had been two days since Nick and Jen had their tryst in the bathroom. They had not spoken a word about it, which was for the best. If they talked about it, they'd have to actually _talk_ about it. And they had nowhere with privacy enough to do that. And talking about it would distract them from the task at hand. And things had progressed to a level that required their undivided attention at all times.

Particularly now. Because that surveillance at the house was finally paying off. Trish and Wesley were hosting a dinner party. And the guest of honor was Muhammad Hartono. The Claybournes had Hartono and a few of his illustrious associates over for dinner. This was a huge break in the case, that the Claybournes had gained Hartono's trust enough for him to introduce them to others in his network. The whole thing would be recorded by SIS and would go a very long way to making this entire operation a great success.

Jen was a bit nervous, as she always was before a high-pressure situation. In the moment, she could be cool and collected and focused. But before and after, she was a basket case. She paced through the dining room, straightening place settings and wiping imaginary dust off the tablecloth.

Nick took her hand from the table and gave it a squeeze. "It's gonna be fine," he assured her.

She smiled at him. "Yeah, I know."

The doorbell rang and the first of their guests had arrived. Thankfully it was Dan, one of their SIS plants in the shipping company. He would be there as backup for Nick and Jen, just in case, but he was also involved in the Claybourne business, so his presence would not be suspicious. Hartono had done dealings with Dan already and the two had a good rapport.

"Everyone ready?" Dan asked.

Nick and Jen both nodded. A timer chimed in the kitchen. "That'll be the lasagna," Nick said, rushing to go get their dinner from the oven.

"He cooked?"

Jen chuckled at Dan's surprise. "He's a really good cook. We take turns with the meals. But this one was all him."

The evening went on without incident. Jen almost wished she was religious just so she could properly thank God for the mercy of it all. Hartono had brought four men, all of whom were part of his gunrunning network all throughout Australia and each with connections to other parts of the world. Jen had great fun asking them all a million questions about their business, so the Claybournes could best assist them, of course. And the SIS cameras and microphones caught every single word. She nearly cheered at one point to know they were getting such incredible intelligence from this dinner.

But the conversation strayed from work and focused squarely on Trish and Wesley. One of the guests, Matteo Graves—arms dealer working between the Philippines and New Zealand—asked them how they worked so well together.

"We've got a great relationship," Trish answered with a bright smile. "We've known each other since school, and we built this business together. It's always been how we've done things, so we don't really know any other way."

"She's always been smarter than me," Wesley teased, gazing fondly at his wife. "We each have our role in everything we do, and we do it together. It might not work for everyone, but it works for us."

Hartono himself began to sing their praises. "I have always found Mr. Claybourne to be very friendly and accommodating to my business. He is very trustworthy, and his word is reliable. And Mrs. Claybourne keeps everything operating smoothly. Never an unexpected delay."

"Proper paperwork is the best way to keep the feds off our backs," Trish explained. "And Wesley couldn't pay attention to all that and also maintain our client relationships, nor could I do everything I do in the office and have the time to talk to everyone we work with."

Everyone at the table laughed good-naturedly at that. Trish excused herself to serve dessert. They had lamingtons, made by Nick that afternoon. He'd used his mother's recipe, and Jen had watched him bake with a distinct warm feeling of nostalgia.

"Oh you're going to love these," Wesley said as Trish brought out the tray. "Trish makes the best lamingtons in the world."

They all ate and praised Trish's baking, which Jen found extremely amusing. She couldn't bake to save her life. But this crowd would not appreciate or respect the knowledge that Wesley had a penchant for baking cakes. Trish happily took the credit.

Eventually, the evening came to its natural conclusion. The guests all trickled out and thanked the Claybournes for the meal and assured them that they'd be in touch for business very soon.

Hartono was the last of their criminals to leave. "You have treated my friends very well tonight. I knew I could count on you," he complimented.

"We'll treat them well in business, too," Wesley promised.

"I know you will," Hartono replied with a nod. "Because I know you know what might happen if you do not."

And on that chilling note, he thanked them both again and left the house. Nick and Jen finally relaxed. Dan came out of the bathroom with a big smile on his face.

"I just got off the phone with Matt. He watched the whole thing, and he's singing your praises. Really great job, you two. The analysts are going to have a lot of work to do on these new subjects, but Matt thinks we'll be ready to start arranging arrests soon." Dan sighed, still grinning. "Seriously, how do you do it? I can't believe how good you are at playing married."

"Well, we've been doing it for a while now," Nick told him.

Jen gave him a sideways glance at that. "We're trained for this," she added.

"We're all undercover trained, but the kind of easy affectionate intimacy you two figured out is really convincing. If I didn't know better, I'd think you were married. And not just married but really happily married. But I guess that's the illusion, right? Nobody's got a relationship that perfect," Dan reasoned.

Nick shrugged. "I guess not. But it is fun to pretend."

"And sometimes it doesn't even feel like pretending," Jen said quietly. And that was perhaps the only true statement she'd said all night. She swallowed hard and shook herself a bit. "Like we said, we've had a lot of practice and training by now."

"Well, whatever it is, it works really well." And with that, Dan wished them goodnight and left the Claybourne house.

Nick and Jen went about cleaning up the dishes and putting away the leftovers. They did not speak much beyond the necessary 'pass that here' or 'I've got that, thanks.' They had been doing this for two whole months now. But it wasn't until now that they realized that it wasn't as easy and natural as they'd thought. Because this felt right. This felt like the old days in so many ways. They were on the same page and they both knew it. The final wall between them had come down. They were back together now, in every way. Well, in every way except the way that really mattered.


	45. Chapter 45

Five days. Jen sat at the table that Sunday after lunch and could not get it out of her mind. Five days since she and Nick had made passionate love in the bathroom. That actually wasn't really what it was. 'Making love' was a beautiful, heartfelt phrase. What they'd done was a filthy, messy coupling. They hadn't made love, they'd had a furious shag.

And all it had done was create more complications. It wasn't enough that Jennifer had spent two months living in a house with her ex-husband and trying to pretend in public that they were married and pretend in private that they were strangers. Something obviously had to give, and it had. All the walls she'd built up over those two years they were apart had come crashing down. And even though they'd kept everything between them professional and focused on the work, Jen could not stop thinking about it.

When she closed her eyes, she could see him standing naked before her. When she took a shower, she could feel his hands on her body under the water. When she looked at him, she could think of nothing but wanting him. And oh how she wanted him! It was a desperate sort of yearning, a feeling she'd worked so hard to bury deep in her soul where it would consume her no more. It had been easier when they were far away. He was in Melbourne, she was in Canberra and Sydney. She couldn't have him, so she didn't want him. But now he was here! He was here and he was just the same and he was so close and Christ did she want him.

"Nick," she said suddenly.

He turned from where he was making tea for them. "Yeah?"

"I think we need to go to the shops. We'll be busy during the week and we should stock up now," she told him.

Nick looked at her strangely. "I think we've got enough. There's plenty in the freezer. And I just got the veg yesterday."

Jennifer was undeterred. She stood up from the table and grabbed her purse. "Let's go, Nick," she insisted.

The strangely manic energy she possessed in that moment scared him a bit. He was wary of what she was up to. "Yeah, alright. You want me to drive?"

She just nodded and turned to go outside. Nick followed her, jogging to keep up.

Nick drove them in the general direction of the market, but Jen had something else in mind. This was a neighborhood she knew very well. She had worked at a shop nearby when she was in school, the shop she'd worked at when she and Nick were kids and just starting to figure out their feelings for each other. Jen knew this part of town, and she knew exactly where they were going.

"Turn left here," she said suddenly. Nick did what she said and turned down a narrow street. "Right up ahead."

They were in an ally with a dead end. The buildings on either side were tall and blocked out much of the sun, leaving the ally dank and dark. It was a creepy sort of place. "What are we doing here, Jennifer? What's wrong?" he asked.

Jen turned to face him and took off her seatbelt. "This is the only place we're alone."

"In an ally?"

"In the car," she clarified. "No one is watching us. No one can see us. We're alone."

She was right, he realized. The car didn't have any surveillance. It did have a tracker which could be activated by headquarters in case there was a reason to search for it, but it wasn't an active signal. There were no cameras in the car and no microphones. They were well and truly alone here.

"Nick?" she said softly.

He searched her face, unsure of what he was seeing. Her eyes were shining turquoise in the dim light. She was chewing on her bottom lip nervously. "Yeah?" he replied, his voice barely over a whisper.

"Take your pants off."

A shiver of arousal coursed through him at her words, but he started to laugh. "Isn't that a bit abrupt?"

Jen smacked his chest, unable to help joining in his laughter. "We haven't got much time, you know we can't be gone for too long!"

"So you just made up an excuse to get me alone for sex?" he asked, still laughing a little.

"Are you going to tell me no?"

A wry smile crossed his lips. "When have I ever told you no?"

Jennifer grinned. He was right, he'd never once told her no. That had always been the part of their relationship that had worked the best. They could always talk and laugh and work through anything, but the one thing they'd never needed to work at was their sex life. They had always just known each other so well when it came to that. From their first time when Nick was seventeen and came to quick and then worked so hard to learn how to pleasure her in return, they had always been on exactly the same page with sex. They both knew when the other wanted it, they both knew how the other would like it, they both knew better than anyone else on earth how to make the other shatter beyond measure.

Nick did not wait for Jen to reply. Instead, he undid his seatbelt and pulled her into his arms, kissing her hard. They melted into the kiss immediately and wasted no time before hands were grasping at skin under shirts and fumbling with buttons and zips. Jen, thankfully, had been wearing one of those awful skirts. But she pulled away to shimmy out of her knickers. He watched her in sheer awe. His Jen had never been shy about sex, and obviously that hadn't changed. He was barely hard, but she was obviously very ready to go.

Sensing that he was lagging behind, Jen hurried to pull his cock out of his trousers and stroke him a few times before leaning over and taking him in her mouth. "Oh Jesus, Jen!" he cried out. It had been a long time since she'd done that to him. He'd never fully appreciated it while they were married, how good she was at that. No one he'd been with since the divorce even came close to handling him the way Jen did. Just one more thing that had made them perfect together and had broken his heart all over again after she'd left.

But here and now, he reveled in the glory of the blowjob she gave him. She was so good, actually, that he had to pull her off him sooner than either of them might have anticipated. Jen sat up to watch him breathing heavily, head back against the car seat and eyes closed as he gasped for air. "Ready for me now?" she asked.

Nick nodded, still unable to speak. Jennifer pulled her top off over her head and climbed over the center console to straddle his erection. She took him in hand to rub him against her entrance and sink down till he was fully sheathed inside her. Jen waited there for a moment, barely able to keep still. She waited until Nick lifted his head to look at her. She took his wrists to place his enormous hands on her breasts, confident that he remembered exactly how she liked it. And as he caressed her hardened nipples through her bra, Jen braced her own hands on his shoulders and leaned in to kiss him as she started to move on top of him. They kissed and moaned into each other's mouths as Jen moved faster and faster, rocking her hips and riding him hard. Nick knew he as getting close, so he moved his hand down to stroke her in the way he knew would get her off. She shattered almost instantly, and he followed her over the precipice.

As they clung to each other while they recovered, Nick started to become aware of a strange sort of ache. The sex had disguised the pain, but it was becoming stronger and stronger.

"Shit, Jen, get off me," he groaned.

She did as he asked, pulling a tissue out of her purse to clean them up. "What's wrong?" she asked. Her voice was hoarse.

"My leg. I did something to my leg." Nick was grimacing in pain. "I think it's just a cramp but it hurts like hell."

"Oh god, I'm sorry!"

He shook his head. "Nah, it was worth it."

Despite the mood of the moment, Jen could not help but smirk. "I'm that good, am I?"

Nick glared at her. "You know you are, now can we please go back to the house so I can get some heat on my leg to loosen the muscle?"

Her expression immediately changed to one of concern. "Can you drive?"

"Yeah, it's my left leg."

"Okay, let's pop by the market so I can just buy a box of oatmeal or something, since it will be far too suspicious if we go back without having bought anything," she reasoned.

Nick just grunted and started the engine again. The market was only up the road and Jen was very quick about going in to buy something and running back out. He did, however, have enough time in alone in the car to see that she'd left her knickers behind on the floor of the front seat. He'd have to make sure she remembered to put them in her purse or something. If he weren't in agony, he'd have reached over to grab them to hide in his pocket.

They returned home with a loaf of bread, and Jen—knickers safely tucked away in her purse—assisted Nick in getting inside. He leaned on her and limped through the house, right to the bathroom. Jen did not even have to ask what he needed; he'd gotten cramp like this a few times and she knew that a hot bath always helped soothe the muscle. She put the plug in the drain and ran the water. There were some Epsom salts under the sink that she added in before she helped Nick get undressed and into the bath. "I'll be right back," she murmured, kissing his temple.

Nick relaxed in the water, letting his body sink down and his arm flop over the side. He did not know how long Jen was gone, but he was dozing off a little by the time she returned. After all, it had been a rather strenuous afternoon.

The bathroom door opened and Jen came in wearing a thin robe and carrying a cup of tea. "I never got to have mine earlier," she explained.

"You were too eager for a shag, weren't you?" he teased.

She chuckled, "Yes, actually, I was. Can you blame me?"

"I can't tell you how many cold showers I've had over the last two months."

"Well, I think this is good for us. The tension over the last few days has been killing me. Now at least we won't have to worry about that anymore." She put her tea on the counter by the sink so she could remove her robe. Nick saw that she was wearing that negligee he'd found in her drawer a few weeks back. It was beautiful on her. Cream-colored silk trimmed in lace with thin straps to show off her arms and shoulders and reaching down to her midthigh.

"You're really beautiful, you know that?" he breathed, watching her take her tea and sit down on the floor beside the bathtub.

Jen winked. "Yeah, I've been told a time or two."

"I know I wasn't the first or last or only one to say so. But seriously, Jen, you are beautiful."

Her eyes roved over his bare body. His chest was visible above the water, but the rest of him was obscured. It didn't matter though, she knew very well what he looked like. And he was quite beautiful himself. "How's your leg feeling?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Getting better, thanks," he replied softly.

She put her teacup down in front of her and grabbed his hand where it hung over the edge of the tub. She brought it to her lips and kissed it gently. "I've missed you, Buchanan."

Nick smiled at her and pulled his hand out of her grasp to stroke her cheek. "Missed you, too, Mapplethorpe."


	46. Chapter 46

The analysts were getting antsy. They were so close to finishing this operation, after all the months of preparation in Sydney and the months cooped up in that warehouse in Melbourne. Everyone wanted to go home. Matt very much agreed with them. It was incredibly draining to be in charge of his first field operation, particularly one that was so long-term and with all the stresses of managing an undercover team.

And that was certainly not the least of his worries. That undercover team. Matt knew he should be proud of the work they'd done. Jen had never done anything undercover this long, and Nick wasn't even an SIS agent. But they were both absolutely flawless in their roles as Trish and Wesley Claybourne. And the intelligence they'd gathered had been invaluable. The two of them together were the absolute perfect team. It seemed almost strange that Jen was supposed to be partnered with Tom Quinn. Matt honestly couldn't imagine anyone but Nick as Wesley Claybourne now. But maybe if it had been Tom Quinn, someone Matt had known and worked with before, maybe then he wouldn't feel this way.

Nick did nothing wrong. At all. He was wonderful. Smart and thoughtful and quick to react and brilliant at being undercover to endear himself to the scum of the earth. And Matt was growing to absolutely hate the man. It was entirely irrational. Nick had been kind and solid and dependable from the very start, and Matt had admired him when they first began the operation. Over the last week or so, however, something had changed. Matt knew exactly what he was feeling and why, and that made him feel so guilty, he thought it might kill him.

Matt Ryan was jealous. He was a supervisor of a major undercover operation for SIS, a position of power and prestige, and he was jealous. Nick Buchanan was just a homicide detective for the state police! Matt should not have had any reason to envy the man. But Nick was so confident and casual and good-looking and warm. All the things that Matt had to work so bloody hard to achieve—and most of which he didn't achieve despite his best efforts. Matt had always tried to be strong and dedicated and reliable. But all the effort to be the best he could be caused him to be a bit jumpy and go a bit overboard sometimes. Nick, it seemed, never had that problem. Nick didn't seem like he ever had any problems at all.

It did not help, of course, that Matt had to watch his girlfriend pretend to be married to Nick. Well, that wasn't entirely accurate. Jennifer wasn't his girlfriend. Matt wanted her to be, had asked her to be more than once. But Jen was adamant about keeping their jobs their first priority and that meant not getting too serious in their personal life. Matt wouldn't stop trying, though. Jennifer Mapplethrope was the best thing that had ever happened to him. She was beautiful and brilliant and funny and independent and wildly successful at everything she ever did. Matt had been in awe of her from the very first, and he counted himself extremely lucky that Jen had ever let him be her friend and given him those opportunities to be just a little bit more than friends. And if Matt were honest, he'd have to admit—if just to himself—that he had missed Jen terribly over the last ten weeks. He missed getting to have meals with her, to fall into bed with her, to kiss her, to hold her in his arms. He wanted them to get back to Sydney as soon as possible so they could pick up where they left off.

And as Matt watched the surveillance footage, his yearning for Jen and his jealousy of Nick both nearly reached the breaking point. It was late at night and the analysts were all working on the extraction plan, so no one was monitoring the surveillance screens. The Claybourne house was quiet because Nick and Jen were sound asleep.

There must have been a masochistic part of his soul that made Matt watch. It was weirdly voyeuristic, but at least Nick and Jen knew they were being recorded. The two of them were lying in bed and wrapped in each other's arms. That did not surprise Matt for the most part; two people sharing a bed every night for over two months and spending every day acting like they were married would obviously have led to something like this. They were just lying there, sleeping. Jen was lying on her side, facing the window. Nick was lying beside her with his chest pressed flush against her back. His arm was strewn over her waist. Jen clung to it like a child would a teddy bear. Matt had never known Jen to do that before. When he had shared a bed with Jennifer in the past, she was always sleeping on her back or else turned away from him but always on the far edge of the bed. He had sometimes wondered if she would fall over the side. But she and Nick were both snuggled up in the center of the bed.

She had once claimed to not be able to sleep if someone else was touching her too much. Matt had asked her about it once, after they'd made love and she would cuddle with him for a little while and then go to take a shower and get back into bed to curl up on her side out of his reach. What had been going on in Jen's life as Trish Claybourne that caused her to be able to sleep with Nick the way she'd never ever been able to with Matt?

As he watched and contemplated, Jen rolled over in her sleep. She did that a lot, he knew, tossed and turned to get comfortable. But instead of shrugging off Nick's arm, she instead turned towards him. It was almost as though her still-asleep face was magnetically pulled to his chest. They were truly wrapped up in each other then, almost as though they were like vines curled around a tree trunk that twist around to become one with the tree itself. Nick and Jen were fast asleep but coiled together like two parts of one whole.

Matt stood up suddenly, causing the chair to scrape the cement floor. The analysts looked up at him with question. Matt did not say a word or even acknowledge them. He shoved the chair back at the desk and stormed away to his office. He couldn't look at that screen for a second longer.


	47. Chapter 47

Jennifer was happy. It was strange to be happy, what with all that was going on. The undercover work was stressful and exhausting and put her on edge, and she hated it. The operation itself had stalled, what with the analysts being thus far unable to do much with the intelligence Nick and Jen had gathered. She was trapped in a half-life with her ex-husband as they spent most of their time pretending to be strangers or a married couple, depending on who was watching. And someone was always watching.

Except for here. They had figured out that the bathroom and the car were the only places they could be truly alone. And sneaking off to the bathroom together for an indeterminate amount of time with any frequency whatsoever would be a very bad idea. So they had started 'going to the shops' every day or two. It had been Jen's idea at first, just to get it out of their system, but Nick had continued the idea. He drove them to a different vacant ally the second time and they were better about helping him avoid getting a leg cramp.

This was the fifth such time they'd had sex in the car in the two weeks since they shagged in the bathroom after Jen was stabbed. Perhaps it was reckless, but they couldn't help it. They'd broken the dam and their desire for one another came rushing forth. And neither of them had any intention of stopping it anytime soon.

"It's nice, this," Jen commented as she rested her cheek against Nick's chest. They were lying naked in the backseat, curled up together as best they could in the cramped space. "I've missed it."

Nick smiled and stroked her bare back. "We could have always had this if you hadn't left," he murmured. "Then neither of us would miss it."

Jennifer bristled at that. She knew he was just teasing, but it bothered her all the same. "Nick, you know why I left," she replied softly. They couldn't get into all of it now, or ever, so she hoped he would just leave it be.

But he sighed and, rather foolishly, chose to answer her with a slightly disgruntled grumble. "Yeah, I know you had to follow your ambition and I couldn't stop you. I know why you left." Perhaps it was the post-coital haze that had robbed him of his senses.

That did it. That tone of resigned disappointment. Jen sat up and grabbed her dress, suddenly not wanting to be exposed to him anymore. "I left because you told me to," she hissed, pulling the cheap polyester over her head. "And that is why I am allowed to miss getting to be with you. You're the one who gave up on us, not me."

Nick fumbled slightly to swing his long legs over and sit up against the door. "What are you talking about? Jen, you were the one who applied to SIS and left home. You applied because you were in that rut in Fraud. You followed your ambition. That's not my fault!"

Her jaw nearly dropped. "I begged you not to make me go! Do you not remember all those months I spent being absolutely heartbroken and petrified of going to SIS? I only went because you promised me that we would make it work and then you just abandoned me! I had to find a life without you because you gave up on us!"

"I abandoned you!? You're the one who abandoned me, Jennifer! You were gone for over a year and never tried to make time to see me! You really think I believed that you couldn't have taken a weekend to come to Melbourne or picked any bloody city on the map for us to meet in? You wanted to advance and you wanted to be a good SIS agent, never mind what it did to our marriage. Christ, you sent me bloody divorce papers in the mail without a single word!"

"And you signed them without a word!" she shouted, ignoring the very true accusations he had hurled at her about never making time for them to see each other. That was not what had spelled the end of their marriage. His signature on the divorce papers ended it. "How dare you not even try to fight for me, for us! I thought our marriage meant more to you, but you didn't even try, Nick. You just let us fall apart!" Her voice was shaking with emotion as she tried not to start crying. She just shouted through the lump in her throat. These words had been buried in her heart for so long, there was no way to let them out without shrieking with that visceral pain she'd never been able to let herself express before now.

Nick's voice had been raised before, but now he was well and properly angry. "Don't you dare put that on me! You put me in a position to fight against what you wanted just so I could keep you with me, and I couldn't do that. I wasn't going to ever stop you getting what you wanted. How could I even pretend to love you if I did that? You wanted this, and all I did was try to help you get what you wanted."

"You were all I wanted!" she cried. The tears had escaped now as that all-important truth bubbled up from her heart and fell from her lips. "I hate this fucking job, but I made it work because it was all I had left when you sent me those signed papers!"

The tension was heavy in the air, and there was a silence and stillness as Nick stared at her in complete shock. He had not realized until that exact moment that the end of their marriage was his fault. That if he had done more to tell her that he wanted her, if he had listened when she told him how much she did not want to go, maybe all of this could have been avoided. He had thought that she needed his support to try something new and live up to the potential she'd always had. He had so feared being the one to hold her back, he had ended up pushing her out the door. All of a sudden, he felt sick to his stomach.

Jen swallowed back the threatened sobs and wiped her eyes. "It doesn't matter anymore. What's done is done. This is my life, and I'm stuck with it. When this operation is over, you can go back to the State Police and be happy there like you always were," she said sadly. She turned away from him to find her knickers under the seat.

Her words had startled him out of his own mind. "Jen, I…"

But whatever he was going to say was cut off by the ringing of her mobile. She scrambled to get her purse from the front seat. Nick pulled his trunks back on and tried to remember to keep breathing as he tried to think of how to continue this conversation after she got off the phone. They could probably go into the bathroom and talk it out while the shower was running so they wouldn't be overheard. But they had to get back to the house before they were gone for too long and their watchers got suspicious.

Jen closed the phone and turned to Nick. "That was Steve. We're needed at the shipping office right away."

Nick nodded. "I'll drive." The strained quality of his voice was ignored by both of them. He put on his trousers and shirt and they both got back to the front seat of the car to go back to what they were supposed to be doing. Neither of them dared say another word.


	48. Chapter 48

There were unfamiliar cars parked out front of the Claybourne Shipping offices. Nick and Jen glanced at each other in question but did not speak. They were not Nick and Jen when they were here. They were Wesley and Trish Claybourne. Happily married partners in their business. That certainly felt like a stretch at the moment.

"Hello, boys and girls."

They had entered the office to be greeted by Agent Jarvis. A quick look around revealed Matt and Dan and a number of generic men in suits—all SIS, of course. But there were a few of the non-undercover workers there as well. And in mixed company, Nick played dumb. "Hi, what can we do for you?" he asked, giving his best Wesley Claybourne smile.

Jen immediately understood what was happening, even if Nick didn't. She had never been on this side of it before, but when she'd been working backup on other operations, she'd watched this happen.

It was over. The undercover agents were being brought in. They'd be whisked off somewhere after their cover story had been put in place. The analysts and supervisors would debrief with them. And they would all move on.

A violent wave of nausea made Jennifer a bit lightheaded, but she tamped it down, keeping her undercover façade in place. Beside her, Nick's body was full of tension. Whether that was due to their current predicament or still remaining from their drag out fight in the car, she could not be certain.

"Mr. and Mrs. Claybourne, you are both under arrest for aiding and abetting the smuggling of illegal and dangerous items into the Port of Melbourne," Jarvis announced.

In almost any other circumstance, those words would have brought Jen a sigh of relief. But not now. Not this time. Never had timing been so rotten. But Jen knew she had to put on a good show and do what she was trained for. "What!?" she cried, whirling around to look at her employees, pretending like she had no idea what was going on. "You can't be serious! What are you talking about? Who are you!?"

Nick joined in the charade. "You've got nothing on us! Just rumors. Who tipped you off, eh? You've got nothing! We won't talk, you can't get us to say anything!" He felt foolish to make a fuss like this, but he followed Jennifer's lead. After all, that's what he'd always done his whole life.

The unidentified men in suits took Trish and Wesley roughly by the arms and handcuffed them. They were escorted to separate cars. Matt was in the backseat of one with Jen, Jarvis in another with Nick.

"Here, let me get those handcuffs off you," Matt said gently.

Jen shifted so he could help her get them off and she was immediately hit with a memory of the first time she had ever been in handcuffs. It was back when she and Nick had both been in uniform with the State Police. They'd been experimenting. After all, they had handcuffs aplenty. That first time, Jen had been wearing handcuffs and nothing else.

"There, alright?" Matt rubbed her wrists to get the blood flowing better after he freed her from the restraints.

"Yeah, that's fine, thanks," she replied flatly. She took her hands away from Matt in a very gentle but obvious manner.

"Sorry we couldn't give you a heads up. I know we cut things short by a couple weeks, but once we'd tracked down everyone from the dinner party list, Jarvis wanted to act on it right away. You two were our last arrests," Matt told her. He was referring to the list of criminals given to Nick and Jen at the dinner party they'd thrown for Hartono's friends. That, after all, had been the main objective of this operation, to unearth the network of smugglers and gunrunners working in the Melbourne area and bring down as much of the illegal trade as they could. Obviously they'd been very successful.

"Hartono?" Jen asked hopefully. He, after all, had been the big fish they'd been hoping to fry.

But Matt shook his head. "He caught a whiff of something and went to ground. Our people are still out looking for him, obviously, but I don't think we'll find him."

"No, if Hartono doesn't want to be found, you won't find him," Jen agreed.

They both fell silent after that, staring out of the windows as they were driven through the city. Jen's nauseous anxiety returned as her mind wandered. The things she and Nick had said to each other were going to gnaw at her. They needed to be able to clear things up. She needed to talk to him, they needed to discuss this further. What had Nick meant by all that? Had he really thought she didn't want to be with him? He was a smart man, very observant and sensitive to things. If he believed she really wanted to end their marriage, she must have done something to make him think that. What had she done to push him away? What had she done to make him think that divorce papers in the mail were what she wanted, not her last-ditch effort to force a confrontation between them? Jesus, why hadn't they talked about all of this two years ago, when they might have fixed it!?

Jen turned back to Matt. "So what happens now?" she asked.

"We debrief at the warehouse. You'll stay in a hotel while we finish things up," he told her.

"How long?"

"Probably not more than a day for you. After all, you're SIS so you'll write a report. I mean, you know how it goes. I asked Jarvis if we could all do a joint one, but he wants the reports from the field and from support to be separate."

She nodded, knowing that was usually how these things went. She'd just never been on the field side of that equation before. "That's fine." Writing reports and doing paperwork were a pain but she was quite adept at it. Her time in Fraud had prepared her well for that. "And what about Nick?" she asked, realizing she was being painfully obvious. But Matt, bless him, probably wouldn't notice or understand the significance.

"We're going to send him off today," Matt said. "We only borrowed him anyway. Steve is going to do the debrief with him."

"Oh. I see." It made sense, obviously. No need for SIS to pay to house a man who was only seconded to them for the duration of the operation. The operation was over. Time for Nick to go back to where he came from.

Matt reached across the backseat and took her hand, giving it a small squeeze. "And you and I can fly back to Sydney tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? So soon?"

"Yeah, there's nothing you and I need to be in Melbourne for at this point. Aren't you looking forward to going home?"

That sick feeling came back again. "Yeah," she replied in a rather lifeless tone. "Home."


	49. Chapter 49

"Oi, who let you back in here!?"

Nick grinned as he walked to his desk in Homicide and heard Rhys greet him loudly. The rest of the team looked over at that and everyone came to welcome him back. It had been three long months away, and everyone seemed glad to see him. Rhys shook his hand, Allie gave him a somewhat awkward punch on the arm, and Duncan pulled him into a big bear hug. Nick expected nothing less from his best friend.

"You couldn't call ahead? How long have you been back? We've gotta get a drink or something," Dunny said.

"I just got back to my house yesterday and called Wolfie. Back on duty today. Honestly, mate, I was exhausted. I fell asleep as soon as I got in. Didn't even unpack my suitcase till this morning," Nick assured him.

That was a lie, of course. Nick hadn't properly slept in days. He'd been 'arrested' by SIS as Wesley Claybourne, put into an interrogation room in the warehouse headquarters for his debrief with Matt and Steve, and then sent to a hotel for two nights while they made sure the coast was clear to send Nick Buchanan back into the world. He did tell the truth about the timeline, though. He'd only gotten to go back home the day before, and thank god Stanley Wolfe had needed him back right away, because being stuck in that house on his own would have been torture. There were too many memories there, memories that he'd not had to think about in a very long time. But everything that had happened with Jennifer brought it all back. And now he was back in the house where he'd lived when they'd first met and played as children and discovered their feelings for each other. Christ, his bedroom overlooked the exact spot in the backyard where Nick had been when he first realized he'd loved her. Everything in that house was tainted with memories of Jen, and he desperately wanted to escape. Back to work where things made sense and he could bury himself in the homicide cases and pretend like he'd never been married and never gotten divorced.

As the day went on, Duncan watched Nick surreptitiously. Something was off. Whatever Nick had done on his secondment had rattled him. And this wasn't just the run of the mill job stuff. That was understandable. Duncan had seen that plenty. The time Duncan had been nearly beaten to death and Simon came to pick him up for work and discovered his bleeding body. Simon had been a mess for weeks after that. Rhys had been sick in his first really bloody murder scene. Duncan knew what a man looked like when his foundation had been shaken by violence and horror. But this wasn't that. Nick had experienced something very different, and Duncan had no idea what it was.

"Mate, come over for dinner tonight. Clare would love to see you. And I'm sure you haven't got any food in, have you?" Duncan asked as they knocked off that evening.

Nick smiled. "Yeah, actually, that'd be great. Those months away were brutal."

There was a teasing tone in Nick's voice, but Duncan felt like Nick was being all too honest. "Yeah?"

The two men got in the lift together and Nick shrugged. "I was joining a different team. They all knew each other and I was the outsider. And it went on for almost three months. Not exactly fun." That was the smallest modicum of truth Nick could give him. And it killed him, not to confide in his friend. Duncan had been beside him every step of the last two years when he and Jen had been separated and denying the deterioration of their marriage and then the eventual fallout of the divorce. And if anyone would be helpful in unpicking all the baggage and pain and confusion of the last three months, it was Duncan. But Nick couldn't tell him.

Duncan didn't like getting the runaround, but he couldn't come out and demand honesty. Nick wasn't that kind of guy. He didn't like being pushed. He usually didn't need it, being a very forthright and open person. But when he wanted to keep something to himself, wild horses couldn't drag it out of him. So Duncan took another approach. "Where were you, anyway? Wolfie just said you were being seconded because you had undercover certification."

"I was with Counterterrorism," Nick answered. That was the line he'd been given by SIS. Matt had told Wolfe and Nick that if anyone asked where Detective Buchanan was going, they should say 'Counterterrorism' and keep things very vague. Another reason he couldn't tell where he'd been, because saying he was with SIS would lead to the immediate question of whether he saw Jennifer. Just as if he'd said he saw Jen, Duncan would know Nick was with SIS. And he'd signed the Official Secrets Act. Any word of the operation to anyone and Nick could be facing treason charges.

"That sounds pretty intense," Duncan replied. "What did they have you do?"

"Well I needed the undercover certification because they put me in an office job with civilians but I was really just going through phone records."

"Phone records?" Duncan asked in disbelief.

"Yeah," Nick laughed. "It was the most pointless three months of my life. I'm really glad to be back here."

They both drove to Duncan's posh apartment home where Clare Freeman was looking impossibly beautiful and glowingly radiant. That probably had to do with the fact that she had just found out she was pregnant.

"I go out of town for three months and you're start a family!?" Nick kissed Clare's cheek and congratulated the happy couple. Duncan was positively beaming. Nick had never seen him look so excited, except maybe his wedding day.

Dinner was thankfully spent discussing Clare and the baby and very little of Nick's time away. He was pleased to just sit back and eat and listen and not contribute much. And as happy as he was to be with his friends again, he could not ignore the growing knot in the pit of his stomach. Seeing the Freemans so happy like this always made him think of Jen. After all, the four of them had all been close friends once. And if anyone had asked him who would be happily married with a baby on the way and who would be single and desperately trying to hide his jealousy, Nick would have bet good money on Duncan rather than himself. Everything just felt backwards. It was a petulant thought, but Nick could not help but feel like it wasn't fair.

Everything reminded him of Jen. Everything. The streets of Melbourne where they'd grown up and been married and shared their life together. The house where they'd been together as children and the treehouse where he'd proposed and they'd spent their wedding night. Even work, knowing that he'd once sat at that desk and called her up at Fraud so they could make weekend plans. And now Dunny had to just shove all that love and joy into his face.

Nick excused himself from dinner early, claiming to be tired and needed to go home. Duncan walked his friend down to the lobby and watched him leave. Something was definitely wrong. It was almost like when…

And then it hit him. Duncan had seen Nick like this before. It had been a short period, about two years earlier, before Nick had started dating like a sailor on leave. The last time Duncan had seen Nick like this was when the divorce papers arrived in the mail. This wasn't exhaustion or stress from the job. This was Nick Buchanan with his heart broken. It had happened before and somehow, it had happened again.


	50. Chapter 50

She'd been putting off the inevitable, it seemed. She'd hoped that going back to Sydney, back to her flat where she had all her own things and her own space, back to her desk at SIS, things would go back to normal. She would get over it and move on and it would be fine.

Only it didn't. Nothing felt normal anymore. Sure, three months was a long time. But shouldn't she feel at home back at her home?

But Jennifer knew why this didn't feel like home. Why it had never felt like home. She'd pushed the truth down buried deep in her heart for two whole years, and three months dug it all up again.

"I thought I'd bring Chinese over tonight, if you want. I know it's been hard getting back into the swing of things."

Jen turned and saw Matt leaning down beside her desk. They had discussed meeting up for dinner that night, now that they'd been back at work for two full days. Gosh, he really was sweet. She hated herself a little bit for being annoyed by it. "Yeah, I've gotta run by the chemist, so I'll meet you at mine?"

He smiled. "Sounds good. I'll see you later." Matt put a hand on her shoulder affectionately. Jen felt her skin crawl.

And so after she picked up the things she needed from the drugstore, Jen went to her flat to set the table and wait for Matt. She felt anxious, which she hated. There was nothing worse than being worried for no reason. It was just Matt! She shouldn't feel stressed over Matt! And they were just having Chinese. It was just dinner. He would probably try for something between them, since he usually did, but he never pushed if she wasn't in the mood to reciprocate. There was no pressure when it came to Matt. There was no reason for Jen's stomach to be in knots like this.

Matt knocked and came right inside. Despite his constant warnings, Jennifer never locked her front door until she went to bed. It was easier this way, not having to get up to let him in. Also saved her from feeling like she should give him a key.

"I think I've got enough to feed you for a week," he joked, putting the bags of food out on the table. Jen came over to help and he leaned down to kiss her. She turned her head so he caught her cheek instead of her lips. He frowned. "Jen, you okay?"

She chewed her lips, thinking. She wasn't okay at all. But there wasn't anything she could do about it. She was stuck and she just had to get over it.

"It's the operation, isn't it?" Matt guessed. After all, she'd been out of sorts since the moment he drove her away from Claybourne Shipping. "Did something happen? With…with Nick?"

Jen whirled around to face him. Damn him, he was actually pretty clever sometimes. She hadn't intended on telling him. Not now and probably not ever. But it really wasn't fair to him to just be moody and not let him know why. For a while, Matt was the only person in her life she ever felt like she could talk to. And that hadn't really ever changed, had it?" "Yes, it's about Nick," she finally told him.

Matt's face turned stormy. "What did he do? I'll kill him!"

She nearly laughed at the thought of Matt trying to take Nick in a fight. Matt might have been bigger built, but Nick was strong and in great shape and extremely good in a fight. Always had been. He nearly beat his friend to unconsciousness when they were sixteen after some rather lewd locker room talk about Jennifer. Jen had no doubt that Nick would jump in front of a bullet for her. Actually, he already had done that. It was a miracle neither of them had gotten shot by Edward Tyneman that day in the cargo hold.

"Jen, tell me right now, did he…did he do something to you?" Matt asked. The anger fell away and his voice dripped with fear and worry.

"No, nothing like that. But he…it's complicated."

Matt put his hands on her arms, squeezing them gently. "Could you try to explain?"

She considered a moment before she asked him with a wry smirk, "What do you remember me telling you about my husband?"

That obviously put him on the back foot. "You were together when you were in school, right? And then you got into SIS and he couldn't really handle the distance and just sort of let you go?"

Jen nodded. Yes, she was rather certain she'd never told Matt too many details about her former life. He was one of the only people who even knew she'd ever been married, and even he had no idea what her marriage really was. "It's Nick."

"What's Nick?"

"My husband. Ex-husband," she quickly corrected. "I was married to Nick Buchanan for ten years."

Matt dropped his hands from where they were on Jen's arms. His whole face looked like a bomb had exploded in his mind, like his entire world tilted on its axis. Jennifer waited as he processed the information, till he could say something. "Why didn't you say anything?" he finally asked.

"We were out of time," she reminded him. "With Tom Quinn not able to be on the op, I know you needed to find someone quick. And when you said a detective from the State Police with undercover certification, you didn't tell me his name. Granted, I didn't ask, but what were the odds, Matt? What were the odds that you would introduce the new member of the team who would be my undercover partner for a three-month operation, and it turned out to be my ex?! And if you knew—if anyone knew—he would be sent back to you found him. And I didn't want to jeopardize your first operation like that," Jen explained.

"So that whole time…"

"We were pretending like we didn't have a history."

"But when you posed as a couple…"

"Yes, that was rather easy for us."

Jennifer wondered when Matt might be able to finish his own sentences, but as it was, she'd do her best to help him understand. He seemed to have been struck dumb again.

"We hadn't seen each other since the day I flew to Canberra for my orientation training," Jen told him. "Those first few days in the Claybourne house were awful. Awkward and stressful and just awful. I didn't know if we'd be able to make it through. But you've got to remember, Matt, I grew up with Nick. We were neighbors when my mother and I moved to our house in Melbourne when I was six years old. He's been my best friend for almost my whole life."

"The tea," Matt suddenly recalled.

"Tea?"

"He made you a cup of tea. And you're so picky about how you like your tea, but when he made it, you just drank it. He…he knew how you liked your tea."

"He knows everything about me." That quiet statement was as much a realization for Jen as it was for Matt.

"And I don't, is that it?" Matt's voice had a bitter edge to it, and he did not stop to allow Jen to answer. "You have never let me in, Jennifer, and you've spent all this time punishing me in your own little ways because I don't know you. Because he did know you, and I'm not him."

Jen was taken aback by the sudden outburst. She knew he was hurting, and she did not want to hurt him further, but she could not stop herself from saying, "Yes."

Matt walked away from her, his arm raised as though he was going to hit something, but he stopped himself. "I cannot believe you! Three months you shared a bed with your ex-husband while I sat and watched like a bloody idiot!" Another lightbulb went off in his mind. "Jesus, you slept with him, didn't you?"

"Yes," she said again. It did not good to lie or make excuses. Matt was on a roll and there would be no stopping him now.

"You could have jeopardized the entire operation!"

"But we didn't," she pointed out.

"You lived with cameras! Where did you even…"

"There were no cameras in the bathroom or in the car." Jen wanted to cut that line of inquiry off at the knees, so she answered quickly, hoping he'd move on.

"Jesus," he swore. "Jen, how could you do that? After what he did to you? I mean, I was there when you finalized the divorce. I know how much he hurt you! He didn't fight for you, Jen, you remember? He just let you go!"

"Because he loved me," she said quietly.

Matt scoffed, "He loved you so he pushed you away? Some husband."

She shook her head. "He loved me too much to keep me back. He loved me enough to put what I wanted in front of what he wanted. He loved me enough to let me go because it was what I wanted." It was Jen's turn to have a lightbulb go off in her mind. Nick had told her these things during that awful fight in the car that last day of the operation. She hadn't really understood till now. "He loved me more than anything. He wanted me to have the world. Only…only he didn't know that I didn't want the world. I just wanted him."

The increasing fervor of Jen's voice was making Matt a little nervous. "Well, you're back home now."

And Jen laughed. She actually laughed, out of catharsis more than anything else, but it was still a laugh. "I'm not though. This has never really been home. I thought I didn't have anything but this. I thought all I had was the job, but I don't! This isn't my home, Matt."

"Jennifer, what are you talking about?!"

She calmed herself down, despite her racing heart with the excitement of this revelation. "I think you should go, Matt."

"What are you saying, Jen?" He was begging her now.

"I'm saying that I need to go home."


	51. Chapter 51

Nick kept thinking that he'd get over it. That he'd be back at work and back in his house and just move on. Things would go back to normal and he'd just put this whole SIS experience behind him. He couldn't tell anyone about it, anyway. It would just stay in a box in the back of his mind and he'd never open the box and it would all be fine.

Only he couldn't seem to let it go. He couldn't sleep without Jen beside him. He was distracted from his work. He was stir-crazy in the house. More than once over the last two weeks since he'd been released from life as Wesley Claybourne, Nick had tried to drink himself into a stupor to just numb the ache of missing her. Christ, it was like sending her off on that plane all over again. Except then he'd had hope that he might see her soon, that they'd still talk and they'd make it work. It was foolish hope, but it had sustained him until that hope had slowly dissipated. Now, though, there was no hope. Nick was rather sure he'd never see Jennifer Mapplethorpe ever again.

But as the desperation and depression started to melt, they were replaced by a fire of determination. He'd lost her once by not fighting for her. He wouldn't make the same mistake again.

Nick tore through everything he had during his time with SIS, looking in every pocket of his trousers and shirts and every inch of his carryall. And then he finally found it. A business card with just a name and phone number. It had been given to him on his first day, and he'd thought nothing of it. Thank god he'd not thrown it in the bin.

It was a Tuesday afternoon and Nick was rostered off. He'd tried desperately to work as much as he could, since he at least felt some sense of purpose when he was on duty. But Waverley had put her foot down, despite Wolfe's attempts to assist him. There wasn't any room in the budget for his long hours when they weren't working on an emergency. And so he'd been sent home.

But because it was a Tuesday afternoon, other people in other places would be working. Which meant that someone in an office might answer the phone. He dialed the number on the card and crossed his fingers as it rang.

"Yeah?"

The abrupt response surprised him. "Is this Agent Jarvis?"

"Terry Jarvis, yeah, what do you want?"

Nick nearly laughed at hearing the man over the phone. He had a very specific way of speaking, a manner that let anyone who met him know that Terry Jarvis was a man who knew what he was doing with the scum of the earth, who had seen a seedier side of life and was well-equipped to deal with it. Nick was happier than he could say that Jarvis had answered the phone. "Hello, sir, this is Nick Buchanan. I was seconded from Victoria State Police for an operation with Matt Ryan?"

"How'd you get this number?" Jarvis asked.

"Matt gave me your card when I was brought on board, just in case, since you were the officer in charge."

"Well technically Ryan was the officer in charge, but it figures he'd want to make sure people knew there was a higher authority in case he screwed up," Jarvis grumbled.

Nick couldn't help but think that Jarvis made an entirely accurate and astute assessment of Matt. Every interaction he'd had with the man made him very confident that Matt was the type to want responsibility so long as he could cry to his mummy when something went wrong. But that was of no matter now. "Sir, I was wondering if I could get the contact information for Agent Mapplethorpe. I really need to speak with her as soon as possible."

"Sorry, Buchanan."

His heart sank at the response. "Oh, I guess you can't give me that."

"No, I would if I could. But Maplethorpe's gone."

"It's pronounced Mapplethorpe, like a roadmap," Nick corrected automatically. People often mispronounced Jen's name. He'd teased her about it when they got married, telling her she could finally have a name that wouldn't get bungled if she took his name when they got married. But having two new cops named Buchanan would only highlight the fact that they were young and married, and at the time, they'd wanted to keep their professionalism. And besides, Nick had never been that sort of patriarchal Neanderthal insisting that his wife take his name. "Wait, what do you mean she's gone?" Nick asked, suddenly hearing what Jarvis had said.

"Five days ago, she walked into my office and turned over all her credentials and told me she was quitting."

"She what!?" Nick felt like his chest was going to cave in. Had she left SIS? What did that mean?

"I told her not to be daft, that everyone feels a little out of sorts after a big undercover operation, but she just shook her head. She's a brilliant officer, one of the best I've ever seen, and I told her so, but she just said this isn't what she wanted," Jarvis told him.

"Do you have a home phone number for her?"

"She's moved out of her flat. I only know that because she gave me a forwarding address to her mother in St. Kilda."

All the air got sucked out of Nick's lungs at that. "Thank you. Goodbye," he said numbly, hanging up the phone without letting Jarvis respond.

Jen had gone home to her mother. Well, not exactly home, since Marlene had moved to St. Kilda with her new husband, Robert. They had exchanged Christmas cards the last year and Nick had sent a gift for Marlene's wedding, but he otherwise hadn't heard from her. But he had her address. And without another thought, Nick got into his car and drove. St. Kilda was only about a half hour drive. He would get there as quick as he could, and he'd figure out what to say to Jennifer on his way.

All Nick knew was that he couldn't just let her go again. He wanted her. He needed her. He'd loved her for all his life. And he would tell her till he was blue in the face. And when he knew without a shadow of a doubt that she understood what he wanted, and she still turned him away, then he'd have his answer. But she had said that she did not know how much he wanted her and did not know why he hadn't fought for her. He would fight for her now. He'd get down on his knees and beg her if he had to. Because now he knew that she didn't love that job like he'd thought. She'd left it already. And before she found something she wanted more, he wanted to have the chance to ask her to come home.

The traffic was light and Nick's police driving training made him agile and quick behind the wheel. He made it to Marlene's street in just over twenty minutes. He parked the car and strode purposefully up the drive to the front door. He rang the doorbell once and waited, heart pounding with adrenaline.

An older man answered and greeted him politely.

But Nick was in no mood for politeness. "Where's Jennifer?"

The man frowned. "There's no Jennifer here."

A sound came from inside the house. Marlene came running to the door. "Robert, who's asking for Jennifer? Oh, Nick!" she exclaimed when she saw who it was.

"Oh you're Nick! I should have recognized you from the pictures," Robert said kindly.

Nick assumed that Marlene had photos of Jen and himself from their earlier days, but he wasn't going to comment on that at the moment. "Marlene, where's Jen?"

Marlene looked at him like he'd sprouted extra ears. "Nick, what are you talking about?"

"She's left her job and given this forwarding address," he explained. "Isn't she here?"

"No, I haven't heard anything from her in a few months. She was going to be on some huge operation, she said, and wouldn't be able to call for a while. I…I didn't know she'd quit. How did you find out?" Marlene asked.

All the hopes that Nick had built so high at the prospect of seeing Jennifer came crashing down. He would eventually explain to Marlene what he was on about, but he couldn't manage it now. "I spoke to her boss. Former boss," he told her. There was a lump forming in the back of his throat, making is voice crack. "If you speak to her, can you tell her I need to talk to her?"

Marlene nodded. "Sure, dear. I'll tell her. Now, would you like to come in for some tea?"

He shook his head. "Thanks, another time. I've gotta go." And with that, Nick trudged back to his car to journey back home.

Robert and Marlene stood in the doorway to watch him go. "Strange lad," Robert commented.

"He's just upset," Marlene replied. "He's loved my Jenny since they were children. He was a good husband to her. Good son-in-law to me. And his mother was my best friend for all those years we lived as neighbors. But I don't know what's gotten in to him now."

"Looks like a desperate man with a broken heart," Robert said knowingly.

Marlene shrugged. "Maybe. They've been apart for years. But I think you're right. I'm sure he never stopped loving her. I think he'd sooner stop breathing than stop loving her."

Nick's car had driven away and the couple went back into their house. They did not speak about it any further, but a pall had been cast over the house. Robert and Marlene quietly sat on the sofa together, holding hands, thinking about love and loss and everything in between.


	52. Chapter 52

**A/N: M-rating for this chapter.**

Nick drove home, hating himself for getting his hopes up like that. He could have called before tearing through the city and practically beating Marlene's door down. What a dickhead he'd been. He'd have to go over and apologize sometime. Maybe take her and Robert out for dinner or something to make amends. He'd always liked his mother-in-law, and even if she wasn't anything official in his life anymore, she was still family. She'd been the only person to keep the Buchanans alive and well after Nick lost his father. He'd always thank her for that. And now she had a nice man of her own, and perhaps it would be nice to get to know him.

He let his mind wander as he made his way back into Melbourne and back to his own neighborhood. A funny place, that neighborhood. He'd lived there all his life. He was born very shortly after Nancy and Richard Buchanan bought the place. Those streets had been his playground and his safe haven. His father taught him how to ride a bike right there. And a few years later, he and his father had taught his twin little sisters how to ride their bikes, too. Jill and Tara hadn't been very interested. All they wanted to do was play with Jennifer's hair.

No, don't think about that. Don't think about how Jen was sewn deep into the fabric of his entire life, how there wasn't a single memory he had that she wasn't a little part of. He'd gotten just a taste of her again when they were undercover, a hint of their former glory. And now she was gone again. Dust in the wind. Quit her job. Hadn't talked to her mother. She could be anywhere and doing anything, and he'd never know. He had well and truly lost her this time.

That was the thought that consumed him as he parked the car in the driveway. Perhaps he could just open a bottle of whiskey and get pissed and pass out so he wouldn't have to think anymore. Though it was only three in the afternoon. Bit early to start. And did he even have any whiskey in the house? He couldn't remember if he'd finished it the last time he'd decided to numb his feelings.

His phone made an alert sound, indicating he'd gotten a text message. Probably Jill. She was always texting him about something. Probably wondering where he'd been the last three months and could he call Mum so she wouldn't have to hear the complaints?

But the message was from an unknown number. And it only had one single word.

 **Treehouse.**

Well wasn't that curious? He'd been working with SIS for three months so such things did not scare him as much as they would have normally. Or maybe they should have scared him more, since he knew what the spooks were capable of. Christ, should he get his gun before going out to the yard?

Nick went straight through the side gate in the fence between his house and the one next door, the one where Jennifer and Marlene used to live. Even though there weren't children in the neighborhood anymore, Nick still didn't bother locking the gate. Probably stupid and asking to be burgled, but it felt good to keep it open. Though now there was some unknown intruder telling him to go to the treehouse, so perhaps he should get a lock now.

He couldn't see anything through the treehouse window, but that didn't tell him much. There was only one particular place a person could sit up there and be seen from the ground, which left a lot of other places for a person to be hiding undetected. The old rope ladder was swaying in the slight breeze. He hadn't checked it in a long time. Hopefully it wasn't rotted through. Wouldn't that just be perfect, following a mysterious message up to the treehouse, just to break through the rungs and plummet twenty feet to the ground? Nick didn't bother wasting time as he climbed up.

"About time, Buchanan."

As his head came up through the entrance in the floor, he heard words first spoken to him in that very place after he'd had his first kiss with the woman who would become his wife. He climbed inside and stared in complete shock.

He was obviously not going to speak. Typical Nick. And so she went on, "I've left SIS. For good."

Nick swallowed hard, trying to wrap his head around this, that she was really here, sitting in the old treehouse with him. "I…I know."

"How do you know?" she asked sharply.

"I called Jarvis. He told me you quit."

Her eyebrows jumped up her forehead. "Why did you call Jarvis?"

"Why did you quit?" he asked in return.

That was fair. She knew it was. She was the one who came here to his house. She was the one who would have to explain. And she'd practiced this speech for two days. She'd practiced in the shower after she'd broken up with Matt for once and for all. She'd practiced in her car as she drove to SIS headquarters to give Jarvis her resignation. She'd practiced on the flight from Sydney to Melbourne. And she'd practiced here in the treehouse as she waited for him to come home.

And so with a deep breath, she began. "I wanted to come home. From the moment I left, I wanted to come home. But I…I didn't think you wanted me to. I wanted to make you proud, and I didn't want to give up all my hard work. But I didn't know you really wanted me back. And as much as I hated fighting with you in the car on that last day, at least we know now, right? I know you wanted me back. And I hope you still do, because that's all I want, Nick."

Tears began to fill her eyes, now that she was finally saying these words here in front of him. He was watching her with a look of awe. It was a terribly familiar scene, one of them staring in awe at the other who poured their heart out. Last time it had been Nick confessing that he beat up his friend for saying lewd things about Jen because he was in love with her. That was when they'd had their first kiss.

But no use getting lost in memory now. She pressed on. "I want to be here. With you. I don't care about SIS and I don't care about what job I get next because everything else we can figure out if we can be together." The tears started to fall, then. "I am so sorry for all this mess and for all the time we wasted being less happy than we could have been. Because I love you more than anything, and I never stopped loving you, and I never, ever will. And I just…Nick, I just want to come home. To this city, to this treehouse, to you. Because that's what I learned through those three months we spent undercover. I thought I was coming home to Melbourne, but I was coming home to you. You've been my home since the first time you took my hand and brought me up to this treehouse. And I just want to come home!"

Jennifer devolved into tears then and Nick leaned forward to pull her into his arms. She cried into his shoulder and he rubbed her back and kissed her silky hair. "You're home, Jen. You can always come home. Shh, it's alright," he soothed.

When she got control of her breathing, she sat up to look at him. His big strong hands held her face, brushing her tears away with his thumbs.

"Okay?" he asked with a soft smile.

She nodded. "I want you to know that I'm not going to go anywhere. And I understand if you can't trust me and you don't want me back, but I want to try. And I will be here waiting till you're ready."

Nick couldn't help but chuckle a bit at that. "I thought you were supposed to be the smart one between us," he teased. He shook his head and told her, "I called Jarvis because I wanted to find a way to get ahold of you so I could beg you to take me back. I didn't fight for you before, but I was ready to fight for you this time. He told me you gave your mother's address for forwarding, so I got right in the car and drove out to see her."

"You did?"

"Scared the piss out of poor Robert. He'd never met me before and here I am showing up at the man's door demanding to see Jennifer."

She gave a strangled sort of laugh. "He's really very nice. Treats Mum right. But I haven't actually talked to her since before the operation."

"Yeah, she'd said."

They fell silent again, the both of them just holding each other and staring into each other's eyes. Their thoughts had to catch up to the whirlwind of the last two minutes. "Wait, so…you want me back?"

He pushed her hair back from her face and caressed her cheek. "Jen, I never wanted to let you go."

"I didn't want you to let me go either."

"I guess we're both idiots."

"Guess so."

The silence fell between them again. Hearts thundered and bodies inched closer and closer. "Nick?" she whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Take me home."

He pulled her flush against him and kissed her with everything he had. It had only been two weeks since they'd last seen each other, since their last tryst in the car while undercover. But this was different. This was so very, very different. They were not sneaking around, carrying on an illicit fling that could cost them their jobs. They were done with all that. They were back together. They were home.

Jen pulled Nick on top of her as they spread out on the floor of the treehouse. Just as they'd done on their wedding night. Though now it was the middle of the day and there were no fairy lights or rose petals. But it was somehow just as romantic and perfect as it had been all those years ago. She shifted and wrapped her legs around Nick's waist as her fingers started their work on the buttons of his shirt.

But Nick escaped her grasp. He was breathing heavily and his lips were swollen from her ardent kisses. "No," he said. "Not here."

She frowned at that. "Why not here? I think it's only right we're in the treehouse, don't you?"

"Tomorrow, then," he conceded. "But I haven't gotten to make love to you in a bed since the night before you left, and I think we should break in the bed I've got here."

Jen quite liked that idea. Besides, she wasn't nineteen anymore and having a shag on a wood floor was going to be murder on her back.

They rearranged themselves and made their way carefully down the rope ladder. Nick took her hand as he led her into the house. As soon as she walked in, Jen smiled.

"It still smells the same," she noted. "Smells like the Buchanan house."

He kissed her cheek, still smiling, still over the moon that she was really actually here. "It still is the Buchanan house."

She nearly opened her mouth to say something about how they'd always have it as the Buchanan house, but they'd had enough serious discussions for one day. They could figure out the future tomorrow. But right now, she needed them to come together and rediscover their love for each other. She needed him badly.

Nick took her upstairs to his bedroom. It wasn't his old childhood room, but the master suite. That had been the most difficult thing for him, to think of it as his bedroom and not his parents' room. But he'd competently changed the furniture and flooring and repainted the walls, and now it was unrecognizable, and that's how he'd made it his. Or, hopefully now, theirs.

It was in Jen's mind to comment on the décor, but she didn't get the chance. Nick pulled her back into his arms and kissed her again. They stumbled together to the bed, never ceasing with lips and teeth and tongues as they fell together onto the soft mattress.

In a show of strength she barely mustered, Jen pulled out of his embrace and rolled back onto the bed. Without waiting for him, she began to unbutton her trousers. Nick's hands quickly replaced her own, unzipping her and yanking her clothes off her body. It was strange, after so long, to see her in her own clothes. She'd been wearing Trish Claybourne's clothes the last time. But not anymore. Those tight trousers and that elegant green silk blouse were all Jennifer. She raised her arms above her head, allowing Nick to take the lead and silently begging him to take her, all of her.

His hands moved to her bare thighs, then, and she parted her legs, despite still wearing her knickers. She was desperate for his touch, as much of it as she could get. The few times they'd gotten to have sex undercover just hadn't been enough, they hadn't been like this. They'd had to be quick and quiet and the desperation kept them from savoring each other. The setting had precluded any real exploration. But finally Jen could feel his hands on her properly, so big and strong, making her feel so delicate and cherished under his touch.

Nick pulled her knickers down and leaned over her, breathing in the scent of her arousal. Jen nearly blushed to watch the look of sheer lust in his expression as he caught a whiff of her, closing his eyes and groaning loudly.

She spread her thighs wide open. She had never been like this with anyone but him, never felt comfortable to let anyone but Nick see her so wanton and spread out before him. He growled as he stared at her dripping folds. And she was dripping. Hot and wet and so ready for him.

Without much warning, Nick launched his face between her legs. He'd never gotten to do this in the car, there wasn't enough space. And he'd missed it. God, had he missed it. His lips dragged along her folds, making her squirm at the sudden contact. His teeth grazed her lightly as his tongue darted out to taste her. He'd been with other women since the divorce, quite a few, but none of them ever tasted like Jennifer. None of them drove him wild like she did. Like she always had. And it was like living through a dream, the memory of getting to go down on her like this from years before. But there were some things he would never forget, and knowing exactly how to use his tongue to make her gasp and beg was one of them. He sucked her folds and dipped his tongue inside her, hearing her moans and gasps grow louder until she whimpered in high-pitched pants.

Jen's hands moved wildly around her body, grasping and clawing at the sheets. At one point, she grabbed her own breast and pinched it hard to increase her stimulation. Nick knew what he was doing, even after so long, and he had found the exact rhythm and pressure and placement she needed, and she screamed out his name.

Nick could feel her come as her body pulsated under his touch. He eased her gently through her orgasm until she stilled and caught her breath. He kissed his way back up her body and waited till she opened her eyes.

The look on his face of delight and of awe brought Jennifer a strange sort of grounded center. It had been far too long since she'd seen that look. He smiled then, and stroked her hair and her cheeks, letting his fingers trail down her neck and chest. He treated her tenderly. And she wanted him to take care of her in every sense.

"Come on," she prompted, slightly surprised by the hoarseness of her own voice. She lifted her legs up so her knees were bent and spread wide with her feet firmly planted on the mattress.

Nick smiled. He pulled back to undress himself and free his aching cock. He returned as quick as he could to cover her body with his own. He was beyond glad to get to take her like this. Having the space to spread out comfortably and to look into her eyes. He bowed his head to kiss her, savoring the taste of her kiss.

Without warning, he pushed himself inside her. Jen whimpered into his mouth to feel him stretch him and fill her. And it was perfect. "Perfect," she moaned aloud, pulling away to gasp big gulps of air.

"You are," he replied. "You are the most perfect thing I've ever seen."

Jen smiled, her eyes sparkling with love and lust. "Welcome home, Nick." She lifted her legs to wrap around his waist, pulling him closer and deeper, adjusting the angle of her hips as he thrust steadily.

Nick's mind was devoid of all thoughts and all ability to form words as he chased his pleasure inside her body. His eyes never left hers as she called his name and begged him to make her come again. He did everything in his power to give her what she wanted. And he always would. He would give her anything she wanted now and forever. And even more importantly than that, he would listen and make sure he always knew exactly what it was she wanted from him.

Her inner muscles clenched down on him and sent him over the edge. He shuddered and thrust hard as a rush of heat filled her and made her gasp. Nick bit his lip to muffle his groan. His arms gave way as her aftershocks still left her twitching beneath him. His breath was hot against her neck, and she was comforted by the solid bulk of his tall, muscular body pressing down on her. He was going soft, but Jen kept her legs wrapped around his waist to keep him inside her a little while longer. She wasn't ready to let her go yet.

"I love you," he mumbled into her skin.

Jen smiled at that. She dragged her lips across his sweaty cheek to his ear, planting a small kiss on the shell of it. "I love you," she whispered.

And there, wrapped up in each other, Nick and Jen both knew that they had finally made it back home.


	53. Chapter 53

_Five Years Later…_

"Richie, don't throw things out the window!"

Nick walked out the back door of the old Buchanan house—slowly becoming the new Buchanan house with all the renovations that Nick had been working on—and found Jennifer sitting on a lawn chair in the shade and shouting. He put a cold glass of lemonade down on the table beside her and kissed the top of her hair. "How's it going?" he asked.

Jen wrapped an arm around his hips and leaned into him. "I don't know what that fixation is for children to throw things from great heights. We never did that when we were that age, did we?"

Before Nick could respond, another crumpled up piece of paper sailed out of the window of the treehouse and onto the grass below, eliciting cheers from the children playing inside. "Listen to your mother, Richie," Nick called.

A smiling face popped out of the window, his shaggy blonde hair falling in his hazel-green eyes. "Sorry, Dad!"

Jen gave a huff. "It's not fair that he only listens to you."

Nick chuckled, knowing that she was exactly correct. "That's only because he just now understands that I'm a police officer and that means I catch bad guys."

Their boy was four and a half now, and really starting to be his own little person. Richard Buchanan, named for Nick's father, had already been conceived when Nick and Jen got remarried. He'd already been conceived when Jen returned home to Melbourne after resigning from SIS, but they hadn't told their mothers that part. It was toeing the line of the Official Secrets Act to explain how it had all happened.

It all seemed like a strange dream, now. The years of their separation and divorce, the three mad months undercover with SIS. They had practically picked up where they'd left off when Jen came back. They spent a week just living together and relearning how to live as Nick and Jennifer. And then her pregnancy became very hard to ignore, and they'd had to make decisions. It was a simple wedding on the beach, all of them barefoot—much to Nancy Buchanan's horror—with only their families and the Freemans in attendance. Duncan had been best man for Nick and Clare had been Jennifer's matron of honor. The four of them had also picked up right where they'd left off, once Jen and Duncan had a screaming match and made up after all the hard feelings caused by the breakup of the Buchanan marriage.

Inside the house, the phone rang. Nick came out of his happy recollections and went inside to answer it. Jen stayed where she was, watching the children playing. Nothing had ever made her so happy than to sit on the back porch just the way her mother used to with Nancy and watch a new generation up in that treehouse. And perhaps one day, she and Nick would sit out here side by side and watch their grandchildren play as well. Jen was as certain now as the day she'd married Nick Buchanan—both times, actually—that she was going to be with this man till the day she died.

Nick came back outside and called to the playing children, "Ellyse, your dad's on his way over to pick you up."

A different blonde head, this time with longer hair and a darker complexion, popped up in the window. "But I don't want to go home, Uncle Nick, me and Richie are playing!"

He smiled at the little girl. "I know you are, but you've got to get ready to go home. You can come back and play with Richie again soon."

"Duncan called?" Jen asked, once the children had accepted their fate.

"Yeah, Clare's appointment ended early. They want to take her home," he said.

Jen just nodded. Duncan and Clare were getting fertility treatments to have another baby. Ellyse and Richie were six months apart in age and best friends practically since birth. The little girl was perfectly content to come play at the Buchanans' when her parents were off doing their grownup things. And she was quite excited to be a big sister.

All of a sudden, Jen gasped. Nick immediately bent down to see to her. "What is it? What's wrong?"

But Jennifer just laughed. "Nothing's wrong. Our little Lizzie just kicked my diaphragm." She rubbed her pregnant belly to soothe their unborn daughter.

Nick beamed, placing his hand on the same place to feel their baby kicking. He'd marveled at it when Jen was pregnant with Richie, and he was just as amazed now when she was pregnant again. Just as with the first, this second baby was a very happy accident. They'd not given birth control much thought after Richie was born, as they were too exhausted and busy to have much sex, especially after Jen went back to work. But Nick had never been able to keep his hands off his gorgeous wife for long, and she was usually the one to instigate intimacies anyway. And now they were just two months off from having a daughter to show for it all.

The children carefully climbed down the rope ladder and ran towards the house. "Dad, can we have a snack?" Richie asked politely.

"What do you say?" Jen scolded.

Richie corrected himself, "Dad, can we _please_ have a snack?"

Nick ruffled his son's hair. "Sure, mate. How about some nice apple slices?"

Both children cheered at that. Richie followed Nick into the house, but Ellyse held back. She walked up to Jen and stared at her belly. "Auntie Jen, do you really have a baby in there?"

Jen smiled. "Yes, I really do. Do you want to feel her?" She took Ellyse's little hand and placed it on the spot where Lizzie was still kicking.

Ellyse gasped, "What's that?!"

"That's the baby. She's kicking. That's what babies do in their mummy's tummies. They stretch their little legs and learn how to move and kick to let us know they're in there," Jen explained.

"But how did the baby get in there?"

And that was when Jen decided enough was enough. She stood up and offered Ellyse her hand. "How about we get some of those apple slices, eh? I think there's just enough time for a snack before your dad gets here."

Something told her that they'd be getting a call from Duncan very soon asking why his daughter was badgering him about where babies come from, but there was nothing Jen could do about it now.

They found the boys sitting at the kitchen table dipping apples in peanut butter. Nick scooped up a big glob of peanut butter on one slice and held it out for Jen to take a bite. The peanut butter smeared all over her lips as she tried in vain to not make a mess. Nick just grinned and kissed her, helping to eat the food off her mouth. He pulled away with the both of them still smiling.

 **The End**


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